This is my first post. I'm new to not only this site but determining my sexual orientation. I never really gave it much thought and just went through my childhood and early teens (I'm 20 now) having crushes on various guys and what not. My family was always very open to the possibility of me being bi or lesbian but I always reassured them that I wasn't. However, in recent years I started questioning myself. I knew that I paid attention to girls a lot but I thought it was because I would admire something about them physically or even personality wise. But I've realized that in many cases it extends to me feeling aroused by them or having urges to be very touchy feely even in an innocent way. In the last year I've gained quite a bit of confidence and have become the person I should have let myself be long ago. So far I've realized a few things from examining the past few years to now but am not sure what it means. - I've been with two different men (still am with one). Both I have had deep feelings for but sometimes I felt as though I was more into the romantic part of the relationships rather than the sexual. - My sex drive has changed dramatically over the last few years since I lost my virginity. - When thinking about the male body I'm not really aroused except when thinking about only the guy's penis. - When trying to think about what the most attractive male would be to me, it would be someone who is fairly short, lean, slightly toned with a less than average masculine face. So a very "feminine" guy. - At times I deeply crave a guy's penis, other times I can just say no like it's nothing. - I fantasize A LOT about both genders - I can see myself with both - I find that I feel attracted to more different female bodies than male - I can feel attractive to a woman's whole body unlike guys' - The thought of experimenting with a girl makes me nervous as hell - I love staring at girl's breasts but the thought of touching them makes me feel strange and almost like I want to run away and I don't think I'd particularly like it So all in all I'm really confused. The more I think about it, the more I find that I'm VERY specific about what I like and dislike from both genders and this just further confuses me. I'm sorry if this wasn't enough info or very jumbled.
First, welcome to EC! Enjoy your stay! Speaking for myself I can safely say that I prefer certain qualities in one gender and certain qualities in another gender. Just because you don't like all aspects of a particular gender does not mean you do not like that gender at all. For example, many gay and bi men only like certain body types or features for other men to feel any attraction - some communities have even arisen to represent these specific niche desires, such as the bear community. You've taken the biggest step which is questioning. From your post, it sounds to me like you may be some type of bisexual. But remember that sexuality is not black and white. It is in shades, and we all have different interests. The Kinsey Scale was developed a while back by sexologist Alfred Kinsey to describe these levels of sexual and romantic desire. On a 0-6 scale, 0 being completely heterosexual, 3 being 50/50 equally bisexual, and 6 being completely homosexual, this scale is used by some people to better reflect their own desires. You say you're already in a relationship with a man. When you are more certain of things, you may want to consider having a discussion with him about this. Make yourself at home on EC, and take a look at all the information available, something may be able to help you out
Thank you for the welcome. I'm trying to take everything one step at a time and seeing things with a clear mind unlike before. As I mentioned I'm still not certain and though labels don't matter a great deal to me, I would like to know for myself. In the last couple of days I've been fantasizing about only girls to see how I react to it and besides from being excited, I'd get chills and or goosebumps. I was planning to tell the person I'm with as I feel he deserves to know. My only dilemma there would be that he's VERY homophobic and insecure. So I can't see that going over well :/ Anyone else have some advice?
Wow, you just echoed much of my own story! I've had those same trepidations about being intimate with a same-sex partner, but when I actually took the plunge and didn't let my anxiety hold me back from it it was one of the best experiences of my life. Afterward I thought back to losing my virginity with a woman and I realized I was having the same exact fears; wanting it so badly but not knowing what, exactly to expect, not wanting to disappoint my partner with my inexperience, etc. If you are happy and content in your relationship then bully for you, but I do think that your partner has the right to know what you are thinking, especially if you two are serious/planning a life together. Hope this helps. OH, and welcome to EC :smilewave...feel free to post to my wall if you ever need!!
Well first of all hello! and welcome I actually haven't been on for a while because of a really confusing relationship with a guy, but I've told him how I am attracted to girls and now he's cool with it. I would say judging off your list it sounds like you might be bi, but it's really more based on how you feel around girls&guys rather than a list of things I can definitely relate to being attracted to "feminine" guys which is part of the reason why I gave credit to myself when I began questioning, and being attracted to the whole female body and not for a guy. As far as telling the guy goes, all I have to offer is my personal experience. I felt the same way, lied to him about why I was breaking up with him then later told him the truth and he got mad and said some pretty hurtful things, now we have moved past it and he is really supportive. It all depends on the person though. I never thought that he would actually be supportive and he has actually been pretty helpful, but for months he was extremely distant. I would say now that I don't necessarily think you owe it to him if that means not protecting yourself. Sorry that was so long haha.
Hello all, I think this is the right forum to post this. I don't have many people to discuss this openly and comfortably with so I'll put it out here. I'm somewhat confused so any and all insight would be greatly appreciated. I find myself questioning whether or not I am or was straight to begin with. I had buried these experiences for years until they resurfaced about a year ago. I have had no issues with finding the same sex attractive but lately I've been looking at them in a more sexual manner. The experiences that I had years ago were with females and they were pretty intimate and too young for me to have been experimenting with anyway, but I did. I did enjoy it don't get me wrong. Now that I am older and processing all this I have to wonder. I have not had any experiences with females since that time, just thoughts and fantasies about it. I have had experiences with males, the most recent one being really bad...really bad. He kind of pushed me into wanted to pursue a woman more. I feel all over the place with these thoughts and feelings. I need some direction.
