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I like girls moreso than guys...I'm bi??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sal96Italy, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. Sal96Italy

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    Ok so this is probably going to get really lengthy so my apologies. So I've been battling depression and social anxiety for years. My parents both have depression and my mom has social anxiety. But my social anxiety causes me to have either a little stutter or I have trouble getting the words out or I get stuck on words (its only around people, when I'm alone I speak fine. Neither my mom or dad have this issue with their anxiety). I know this isn't a forum where I'm talking about my past or anything but if you knew my past then you'd understand maybe why I like guys and/or why I'm so confused. But anyways. I like guys. I like girls as well, I've had 7 girls friends in my life. But I've also had a few friends, where I've grown feelings for. I think about kissing them, touching them, sleeping with them but not having sex although I wouldn't mind sex with a guy. I do want kids and I'd like a girlfriend. I'm a senior in high school, I've never had a boyfriend and publicly I don't think I'd feel comfortable being seen with a guy romantically. I'd like to have a boyfriend but sort of a friends with benefits type of thing. Where I'd go over his house or something and pertain to our feelings for each other and not show it in public. Some of the friends I've had (males) I've told them I liked them (somewhere in the length of our friendship, where its months or weeks). I've had some friends respond saying "We'll I'm not gay man". Other's just say "Oh interesting". So basically, some friends when I told them it didn't affect our friendship, others they don't hang out with me as much (they don't invite me to hang out outside of school like they used to), and they don't talk to me as much. Soo I have a lot of stories about each guy I've liked and obviously I'm not going to share them although I could, but their personal. So anyways I'm just confused as to what do I really like (gender wise). My father was never around as a child, I grew up around yelling and fighting. But I've grown up as a nice caring respectful person, I have my manners and I'm not a jerk or a bully. So whoever has anything to say, please post. I've always had a feeling I liked guys even as a young kid, but I never got to understand that I actually liked guys, until probably freshmen year.
     
  2. flymetothemoon

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    Sounds like you might be bi but having a bit of an internalized homophobic reaction to it. You mentioned wanting to be with a guy, but not to be seen publicly with him, which sounds to me like you're afraid of it. Many, many people deal with this kind of feeling when they first start coming out to themselves.
     
  3. Techno Kid

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    To me not wanting to be seen with a guy romantically sounds more like it's because of other people and not how you would feel if you could have a boyfriend without getting weird looks. I would say you are at least bi.
    In regards to girlfriends you had, how did you feel about them? Was it romantic attraction?
     
  4. Sal96Italy

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    (Technoboy) I liked the girls I was with. I enjoyed the relationships. Although non surpassed 3 weeks because they either were whores or a lot of the times I used to just jump into relationships without knowing the person very well. I haven't had a girlfriend in about 6 months. I was physically attracted to them and liked them.
     
  5. Techno Kid

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    Ok bi seems to fit in that case. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Sal96Italy

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    Thanks my friend
     
  7. imjustmeok

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    You sound much like me. I'm terrified of the homosexual side of myself because the society I grew up in demonized it to the extreme. To preserve myself I hid that part. When I grew older I moved away for schooling but became homesick and did not have the friend making skills I really needed. I have also had a lot of social anxiety and depression in my life. Not as much today as I did when I was your age but some still exists.

    I moved back to the general area but not the town where I grew up to be near my family. I can't see myself moving away from them right now. None of them ever had the mental/emotional problems I had. I would miss them every day if I left.

    I'm around 2x your age and I really don't know what to tell you. I don't know where you live and how the people are there and if they are violent. I feared for my safety at times and would not want anyone to have to do that. Just be safe and remember you can still be yourself and don't have to tell everyone everything if you don't want to.
     
  8. Split Arrows

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    I was talking to a friend of mine recently about some my own issues with wanting to be with a man publicly but not to disappoint or upset those close to me. He asked me a great question that helped me reconcile my feelings.

    "If those people of whom you're so afraid of their reactions weren't around, what would you do?"
     
  9. imjustmeok

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    If it was me I'd move to Colorado were I really want to live. lol. :thumbsup: Days drive from the family is too far.

    Ah, yeah to answer your post. Yeah I'm not the original poster but my god am I lonely tonight and this site doesn't host chat for newcomers. If no one I knew was around I still would be terrified in this place to be myself how I am at home. If I lived somewhere else the answer would be very different.

    OK, re-read your post. The people I'm afraid of. That would be 99.9(maybe less)...you get the idea. No one I know would have a favorable reaction to me being feminine, wearing a skirt or acting in any way they don't already know me to act in. Granted! I don't know a whole helluva lot of people. But I still find the general public scary due to earlier experiences.
     
    #9 imjustmeok, Oct 1, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2013