Hi all! This last year has been my year of accepting and coming out to myself, which feels great. Mostly. Since I was a kid I always knew I liked girls, but my teens and early twenties were turbulent enough as they were so I sort of pushed that "problem" aside and settled on dating/casually hooking up with guys in order to be perceived as straight. Now I realize what a huge mistake living such a lie was and how much pain it has actually cost me. I really want to come out, but the problem is I'm still kind of questioning my sexuality. I know I am attracted to women both physically and emotionally and everything in between, I have completely accepted that part of me. But I'm still unsure about my feelings towards men. The "relationships" I've had always felt like they were for show (can't even call them relationships without cringing) so I have a hard time analyzing my attraction based on past experiences. I know I'm aesthetically attracted to them, like I can meet a hot guy and definitely feel something, and I can be extremly attracted to their intellect and personality but physically I..it just doesn't feel right. It's anticlimactic (in every sense of the word) from the second they drop their pants. I cant help feeling like it's the game of seduction I enjoy with a guy and as soon as it gets physical and I know he wants me it's game over. Though I don't know if this is true regarding guys in general or just the ones I've been with. Maybe I shouldn't close the door on guys just yet by coming out as a lesbian, but I don't want to come out as bi and risk using it as a stepping stone and with that add to the preconception that all bisexuals are just confused or too scared to come out fully. Personally I don't really care about labels that much, but it seems easier to at least be somewhat sure of your sexuality before coming out..? How can I figure this out? Any word of advice?
