So just an intro about myself Im in a longterm relationship with a man and we have 2 children.Growing up I thought I was gay though I was constantly told "it's a phase" I met my now partner at 18 I told him I was bi but was crushing big time over women.Years later we had our kids those feelings I pushed away.For past 3 years before having my 2nd I have been fighting my desires of wanting to be with a woman it started after I started crushing for a lesbian friend.Ive tried everything I can to get those thoughts out my head I've lost total sexual attraction towards my partner I haven't kissed him since we first started dating, I love him but I don't desire him.He hasn't changed much in looks so its not that.I dread any sexual contact with him he asked me to get my hormones tested which I did but not that either.I try not worrying bout labels but I feel stuck in a rut my mind won't stop thinking bout my same sex attraction I have never been with a woman.I keep practicing in my mind of what would happen if I said I was gay why is my mind constantly nagging at me? I just want to feel peace in my soul and comfortable with myself but I'm not I don't know who I am.Can someone please help me to make this all clear?:help:
I'd say it's still you, the same you you were before. Like when you freeze water into ice... it seems to be different but essentially it's still water, right?
An excellent analogy! That hormone suggestion from your spouse was used on me too, it's a strong sign that there is something going on. I suspect it's not uncertainty that troubling you, it's the consequences of that certainty...does that make sense to you? I think peace will come to you when you come out. But that will have some consequences. We're here to help figure out what those will be.
It's hard for me to say when you said you have never done anything sexually with a woman. You might have sex with a woman and not like it at all. That having been said, I don't think your feelings are invalid because of that. Just that it is easier to say that you are gay or bi if you have done something sexual and enjoyed it. Maybe since your husband knows you are bi you should talk to him about wanting to have sex with a woman and see what he says. That might be the only way you know for sure.
You're very spot on GreatWhale it's the uncertainatly of what will happen next.I know it will be a very painful path more so for my young children and there father.He will manipulate it all he isn't homophobic but isn't supportive of it either,Im afraid it will all get nasty StarryEyes I have suggested that idea as suspected it didn't go down very well at all.If I just keep fighting my inner battles with they soon surrender and leave me alone?
