Part of me can't believe that I even came to this website. I think just typing this out will help me put words to what I'm feeling because I seem to be confused right now. I guess I will start with a little background. I'm twenty-five and have been in a very committed and loving relationship with a man for the last five years. We recently moved into a small town where he started his phd program and moved away from my close friends in the city. I haven't met many people yet so I've been closed off from the rest of the world. There's no question that I've taken my frustration out on him and have been feeling down. The other thing is I haven't really been interested in sex with him lately. When we first started dating we would have sex all the time and it's slowly been getting less and less. Now it's virtually non-existent, maybe twice or three times a month. Anyways, I was watching Netflix the other day and I came across this movie called Kiss Me. Essentially it's a movie about a woman who is engaged to a man she's been dating for seven years, when she falls in love with another woman. What I found so compelling about the film is that I felt like it encompassed all the feelings that I would feel if it happened to me. Then I realized that I was wishing that it would happen to me. I was incredibly turned on by the sex scenes and I felt the confusion and turmoil that the main character felt upon finding herself attracted to another woman was real. I then watched all six seasons of the L word and a couple other lesbian films on Netflix. I am trying to figure out what this attraction means for me. It was two years ago that I first realized that I might not be totally straight. I was working in a bar with four lesbian co-workers and they all admitted that when they first met me they were sure that I was gay. Now I am not someone who believes in stereotypes and I always resented the fact that people who know what it's like to be judged would be so quick to judge me. There was one girl who we all joked was kind of a slut and had made out with every person who had worked in the bar. All except for me since I had a boyfriend. We drank a lot after work so this wasn't all that weird. She would hit on me and tease me, I think that she thought it was fun to make me squirm. Then one night, I got really really drunk and she was hitting on me and I realized, that I liked it. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to know what it would be like. I thought she was hot. This worried me for a little while until I remembered how my friend who was in charge of queers and allies explained sexuality. He always explained sexuality as a spectrum. No one is all one or the other. I figured that I might be bi, but I would never have to worry about it because I had already met my soul mate and he happened to be a man. Now I don't know. The feeling the I really wish that I could find out what it would be like to be with a woman is back. Maybe I'm missing a part of myself. What if I'm gay and just don't know it? I kind of wish that I could just kiss a girl that I liked to see if all of this is just a fantasy, but I can't because that would be cheating on my boyfriend. I really do still love him. We are best friends and have built a life together. I don't want to risk our relationship on a maybe. What if I'm bi and I'm still meant to be with him? Is this just a rough spot between us? Am I gay? Any advise would be much appreciated. Thanks
It's hard to know whether you are bi or not without actually doing something sexual and liking it. I thought for a long time I wasn't until I actually experimented with a guy. Of course I'm still unsure to a certain extent, but that could be because of so many years of thinking I was just straight. So, you might want to talk to your bf about this if you think he will take it okay.
I don't know if what I am going to tell you would help you but maybe does. I have just came out to myself, I am not an expert on this but before to accept who I am asked myself 5 questions: 1. Which are your sexual dreams or fantasies? In what do you think while masturbating?: In my case, I have always though in women but never on men. 2. If you ever felt a crush on a girl, did you wanted to be like her or be with her?: 3. Do you feel comfortable with the idea of kissing, holding hands, dating a hot woman?: just thinking in that I start to feel butterflies on my stomach. 4. Do you get emotionally attached to men, women or both?: I think the emotional aspect is much more important that the sexual one. In my case, my friendships with women have been always much more deeper and fulling that the ''intentionally romantic'' relationships that I have had with men. 5. With who do you imagine you the rest of your life with?: Until yesterday I label myself as bisexual but personally, it has been my turning point. I can't picture myself dating to a guy again. If I have to be honest with myself I know just want to be with a woman. I hope that my personal reflections will help you. Good luck!
Yes, questioning and imagining yourself in different situations, as lucilu2718 suggested, can be really helpful I think that people who are confused about their sexuality and who are/were in a good opposite sex relationship tend to think that they are bisexuals at first. Naturally because they have experience in the opposite sex department and also, it may be kind of comforting in that situation. Admitting that you might be gay can be scary as hell at first but thinking you are bi gives you feeling that you still have it under control. At least I used to think like this. I was imagining myself in different situation, sexual and non-sexual. Like if I was having a threesome who I'd want it with. I thought that with a woman and a man at that time. But when I kept thinking about it more I realized that I wouldn't want the man to touch me and I wouldn't want to touch him at all... so my threesome picture changed to one-on-one with a woman :icon_bigg I don't say you are bi, gay or whatever, it's your job to do, just be true to yourself and the time will tell, I'm sure.:icon_wink
Exactly what I used to think! You could still come out though if you wanted to. To boil it down, you have a choice (ignoring the choice to cheat, because you clearly have too good morals for that): 1) Split up with him and try it with a woman. 2) Stay with him and keep women as a fantasy. Either way you will be giving something up, but every choice is also a loss, that's life.
