So I have identified as a gay male for several years now and I've never really had a problem with that. While it is tough on me in my every day life, as I am not stereotypically gay in the slightest and have been raised in a very 'straight environment', my sexuality itself is something I never felt the need to wrestle with. Until now... So basically I have always felt more attracted to and appreciative of men even though these feelings are not always sexually influenced. I masturbate to gay porn and have got nothing out of straight porn the few times I've watched it. I can't recall ever being sexually, or even emotionally, attached or attracted to a woman. On top of this I used to have a crush on one of my close straight friends. Though nothing happened with that, some of the 'bromantic' things we'd do like hug (and tame cuddling this one time) would really turn me on. Now here's where I get confused. A couple months ago I had my first sexual (but short) relationship with a man. We would fool around a lot but I was never always sexually aroused during it. For example the first time he gave me a BJ I went soft awhile into it. I always attributed this to the fact that I was really nervous, so my mind would wander and start questioning everything I was doing. Also that maybe I just wasn't that attracted to him, thinking back on my straight friend. But then came the nail in the coffin. I've been crushing on this guy for a couple weeks now. I really think he's the cutest thing haha. But anyways, I was at his place the other night, one thing led to another, and we were cuddling in his bed fooling around. Now I don't know if it was the circumstances or the fact we moved so quickly, but when things got serious I couldn't stay up. Once again, my mind wandered and I got nervous. I'm starting to question if I'm still even into men despite the fact I still believe I find them attractive and watch gay porn. Am I just really nervous and need to go into a relationship slowly? Am I having trouble accepting my sexuality? Or am I asexual and only find men emotionally attractive? Then why was I sexually into my straight friend before? Does anyone have advice or words of wisdom on my situation?? Thanks so much!
I understand your confusion, lol. I feel the same way, absent the gay male bit. I think about sex all the time, have sexual fantasies about both men and women, and get off to porn no problem, but when it goes too far I find all my arousal gone no matter who I'm with and how attractive I found them before. I guess I'm either bisexual or asexual, but neither really seems right. I mean, asexuals don't constantly think about sex do they?
you two might be what's called demi-sexual, that is you have a sexual attraction to people that is reliant on emotional attraction. You might need to be emotionally or romantically attracted to someone to actually enjoy sexual stimulation. There's always the less probable option, maybe the sexual encounters you've had have been with people who had no idea what they were doing. Alternatively again, maybe you need an experience with somebody who actually shows compassion and care for your comfort, happiness, and enjoyment. My boyfriend is like that, I've completely overshadowed every sexual experience he'd had prior to me, that a NUMBER of guys, simply because I A) ask how he's enjoying something, B) try new things and explore his reactions, c) legitimately care about whether my actions are pleasurable to him and D) communicate with him about what he wants, feels, desires, is afraid of, and where his boundaries lie. I would suggest you both take a break from porn. Love-making doesn't have to be like that. Focus on intimacy and finding ways to have fun with what you're doing. It's not supposed to be a purely mechanical act. Do what you find fun and try to make sure that it's not at the expense of your partner's comfort. You should both be laughing and smiling in the bedroom. Feel free to show compassion as well as seek in the bedroom.
