My whole life I've been very straight, honest to goodness. I am 20 years old and had one long-term serious relationship with a guy, which has only just ended in the past few months. But just recently I had one of my girl friends come on to me at a party while we were drunk, and we ended up making out secretly in a dark secluded corner and both really enjoyed it. I see her every day since we go to school together, and I find myself thinking about her all the time, and how pretty she is, and about her hair and eyes and everything... Neither of us have ever had any kind of girl-to-girl experience. We tried to talk about it but it was very awkward, but we are going to lunch to feel things out. (Which I am incredibly excited for) But I have been having serious emotional rollercoasters over this. I am completely fine with all orientations, I was raised very liberally and I live with my gay best friend. So you'd think I would be completely cool with figuring all this out, but it is actually driving me crazy. I don't know if it's just an affectionate pull towards her, or that I am just in university and exploring is natural, or if it is sexual... There are so many possibilities where it was all black and white before. Everyone I talk to of my not-straight friends either just don't care ("welcome to the club" kind of thing) or just think it's cute that I'm experimenting without really caring about the outcome. I just don't know what to do or what to think. The other thing is I woke up last night from a really erotic boob dream, both aroused (I think?) and terrified. I've only ever liked dicks in the past. What is happening to me???! Any thoughts/advice/support/anything really would be appreciated.
People tend to be scared of the "unknown" so it's natural to be terrified. Okay, so you've only liked hotdogs but now you went to lunch and saw an incredibly amazing food you've never tasted before. It's fine to try new foods, right? Maybe you won't taste it at all, maybe you'll love it, maybe you realize you have a food allergy :lol: Just go with the flow, step by step, don't try to hurry things, don't overthink things, do only what you desire to do... and things will become clearer over time
I think just because you are gay friendly and open to everything doesn't mean its easy to adapt when it comes to yourself. Its scary and unknown but you don't have to rush into anything just take it one day at a time, remember you are not committing your whole future to it. Think of it as an adventure but one that if you aren't enjoying you can stop.
