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I'm so confused and scared?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LillyB553, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. LillyB553

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone!

    So I've been trying to deal with this for too long on my own, onto opening up to anyone.

    Lately, I've been questioning my sexuality. I know, this doesn't seem like such a big thing.. but I have diagnosed anxiety. And this has been giving me frequent anxiety attacks. :icon_sad:

    I've always been supportive of gay/bi/lesbian people. It doesn't seem to be massive deal to me of someone falls in love with the same gender. I've always found myself straight, having crushes on guys. I've been in a serious relationship with a guy once, and it was messy. (I know I'm young but I'm more mature than people my age.) I've kissed a girl before, when I was about 6 and we were pretending to be other people, she played the girl (Vanessa Hudgens) and I played the boy (Zac Efron) but it never meant anything. We were just young and didn't understand.

    Anyway, that was before I started to like this certain guy (ages before.) I'm now in year 9 and the last guy I liked was early this year but he turned out to be and awful person.

    I thought I started to develop a crush on this girl who is absolutely awful. She's not nice at all but I'm somehow still jealous of her. I started getting the same feelings I got around previous boys on her but more a sick kind of feeling than butterflies.

    I've stopped feeling that way now but lately I've been checking out girls a bit more. I've never looked at a girl sexually. Whenever I see a girl my thoughts are, "she's pretty," or "damn I wish I had her legs," or maybe, "I'm really jealous of her [jnsert thing here]."

    Boys turn me on, and I think of them sexually never girls. But I feel like I could be emotionally attached to girls?

    Am I bi?

    Or lesbian?

    Maybe I'm overthinking all of this, but it's causing double my anxiety and I really don't need this now.

    Every single girl I talk to I think, "could I ever like this person?"

    Pretty much all of the time my answer is no.

    Then I think of guys, I ask myself the same thing and my answer is still no.

    Guys are idiots my age and I have crushes on older celebrities (boys) rather than guys at my school. Girls around me my age are always crushing on somebody but I rarely like people.

    Has anyone else experienced this and if so, how did you deal with it?

    Sorry for such a long post, I has to get it out of my system!

    Thanks.
     
  2. mvjp

    Full Member

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    it could be that you are hetero sexual homo romantic when i first started exploring my sexuality i first thought about this - then i had a relationship with a girl :slight_smile:

    you also need to think about whether your feelings of admiration and jealousy towards the females around you is you crushing on them - finding them attractive - or simply becoming more aware of the human form and comparing yourself/ what you wish you were like/ could look like

    i think also your age is important as it may be wrong to try and label yourself so young people change alot in the teen years i didnt really know who i was myself until i was almost 19 - for me sexuality fluctuates ie there will be phases where im like 75% gay and times when im more 50 -50 or even 70% straight (i was in a monogamous relationship with a guy for a year but then a girl for 6 months )

    i think the most important thing is to try to accept who you are - even if that means accepting that youre not sure who that is/ quite where you fit yet and remember to be happy - i know how it feels to live with anxiety and depression too and believe me lifes too short and sexuality SHOULD be fun and exiting its not something to get down about and no matter where you do fit in the end there will be people there to support you and someone for you to fall for

    sorry this is such an essay hope it helps and you know where i am if you need anything
     
  3. LillyB553

    Regular Member

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    So does being hetero sexual homo romantic make me bi? Will I ever like a boy in a romantic way?