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HOCD/OCD Sexual Orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MrAnonymous, Oct 11, 2013.

  1. MrAnonymous

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    Greetings,

    My name is A, i'm a male in his twenties. When surfing on the net looking up on OCD i stumbled upon this site and numerous posts about the OCD form regarding one's sexual orientation. I've read alot of posts calling it denial or that people should accept being gay.

    First off, let me start sharing my own personal stories. I've had OCD since i was 15-16, my compulsions led me to closing doors, turning of the light switches numerous of times, When i didnt do those compulsions i had a fear that i might die. When i didnt do those compulsions i felt anxious and afraid, because my mind actually believed i was going to die if i didnt switch the light off and on 3 times. I also thought that every weird feeling i felt in my body i was going to die and i had to look up things via google. I had my insecure moments, i was being picked on, because untill my 19th i was still a virgin, people call you gay etc, yet i knew i wasn’t and still ain’t, i always fantasied about women, always fallen in love with women and get turned on by women. I’ve also experimented with my prostate, but that didn’t worry me. I can’t recall thinking about a guy when experimenting with my prostate and even if i did, i can’t remember that making me gay, since till this day i never had feelings or feel sexually attracted to men in real life. Some gay people have fantasies aswell.

    OCD came back about two times about the dying object, but i got rid of it one day.
    Since a few weeks i noticed OCD coming back, only this time focusing on the thought "Could i be gay" triggered by some tv show. I never thought about the fact that i could be gay, because i never felt emotionally attracted or sexually to men. When i had these gay or intrusive thoughts, you questions youself as in: why did i think that, and with ocd you overanalyze everything, regarding your past, attractions, things you did, thoughts or spikes which could easily fill your day.
    I myself have been to bed numerous with a severe headache because of all the thoughts going through my mind and making a big deal out of it. I was getting anxious and nervous and simply i didn't want to have those thoughts.

    Picture yourself going to a grocery store, getting some groceries for the evening and it doesnt matter where you are going basically, you keep getting unwanted images or thoughts, saying youre gay or even sexual images. I never asked for those thoughts, nor does it make me feel aroused or happy, it doesnt feel like: oh yea ive always liked these thoughts and i really enjoy them but i dont want to think them.
    It's like: Why do i get these thoughts, it doesnt arouse me, it doesnt make me excited or anything.

    From that point ocd starts questioning and you start analyzing for example: You walk on the street thinking "Damm it's a nice weather today" and suddenly a sexual thought or "You are gay thought pops up" out of nowhere, you werent thinking about anything gay or want to, it just pops up. You think why did i have those thoughts, even if you know youre straight and even know it's all ocd and in your head, you still analyze. You go back into your past and even when you know you could never be gay, your mind still says so, so it must be true, but i'm not i've always been straight etc. etc.

    Deep down i know i'm straight simply because in my life i've never fancied men, i have never felt attraction to a guy, had emotions for a guy, never had sex with a guy, nor could i see myself with a guy spending my life. Yet these thoughts are still coming unwanted and all of a sudden.

    It's simply because from the first intrusive thought you get you start freaking out, you feel anxious, scared and think: "What the hell was this". I had a intrusive thought in a train, a man walked by, never saw him before, a total stranger, i had a thought: "I'm in love with that guy". What? i'm in love with that guy? You know deep down its total bullcrap but yet you start freaking out even if it's totally irrational. People with OCD can't seperate reality sometimes. That's why people with OCD and sexual orientation start to believe they are gay, or fear being gay while actually they have never been.

    The thing is with OCD, people cant stop worrying or thinking about a subject, whether its about sexual orientation, people think they are a murderer or rapist, they go to far lengths finding the ultimate awnser which proves they would never be such a person. Yet when finding an awnser OCD still would continue. If i had a "I am gay thought" right now, and say yea i'm gay, my mind says youre not, because simply i am not. People start to obsess and the brain sees the unwanted thoughts as forbidden, people try not to think about it, but not thinking about it is actually thinking about it. So OCD/unwanted thoughts grow bigger and bigger. Then the days arrive when you wake up with unwanted thoughts and go to bed with them, and all you have been doing all day is being busy with OCD

    I'll give an example of a spike/thought: "That guy is handsome", what why did i think that, why did i look, am i gay now? i looked so i must be gay, but i can never be gay, i have always loved woman and have no emotional or sexual attraction to men, but i noticed that guy, so i must be gay, but no i'm not i could never accept that because i'm not gay etc.
    Whenever i had that thought, i would end with the same mental ritual to keep me relaxed, same with other rituals that OCD persons do. For me i ended with: Youre not gay, it's ocd, i'm Hetero and i love women like i always have, gay stuff is caused by my OCD, I'm Hetero.
    I always ended my spike with those words/mental ritual/compulsion

    This is a thought for example an OCD person can worry over, feel anxious over and when receiving sexual images over, even feel scared.

    I have also had unwanted intrusive thoughts about animals and family members out of nowhere. Such thoughts are intrusive and simply false.
    If people say: "Yeah the first thing of denial is that you find it revolting". Well if straight people find gay things revolting, sex with animals revolting or sex with family members revolting. Is everybody gay, an animal lover and loves incest? Does that make me that kind of person? No.
    If i had to believe everything my mind tells me, i would be superman, a king in a foreign country and i'd be standing on mars now.

    It's the fear of becoming or suddenly turn gay, when you always lived your straight life and never had anything that could be related to a gay orientation. These unwanted images or thoughts causes stress,anxiety in the same way a mother washing a child gets an intrusive thought of her killing that child she's washing and would never ever do that.

    People with OCD about their sexual orientation, or what some people call HOCD, which maybe to some doesnt exist as a fact, but it is a label people give to this type of OCD, and this type of OCD is very real.

    People who call straight people who have no links to a gay experience/lifestyle/desire/ or feeling in denial or gay, because they have unwanted intrusive thoughts/OCD about men or regarding their orientation are totally ignorant.

    People who call normal people who has no links to
    a rapist expierence/lifestyle/desire/ or feeling, a rapist because they have unwanted intrusive thoughts/OCD about rape are totally ignorant.

    People who call normal people, who has no links to
    a murderous expierence/lifestyle/desire/ or feeling, a murderer because they have unwanted intrusive thoughts/OCD about murdering or murders are totally ignorant.

    So when you give your opinions about people, first learn about what they are experiencing before making false suggestions. I hope this helps in understanding people with OCD regarding sexual orientation and other obsessions.

    Sincerely,

    A.
     
  2. LD579

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    I certainly understand where you're coming from, but one large issue is about how the title/term of "HOCD" can allow some who actually experience those kinds of attraction to take comfort in the fact that, no, they're not gay or bisexual or anything, they just have HOCD... and the folly is when that allows them to stay in denial for so much longer, if not indefinitely. I'm not the most well-versed on this subject, but... no one here denies that OCD exists. HOCD does not exist anymore than dishwashing OCD exists. OCD can manifest itself in many ways, but to claim that HOCD exists can lead to many people staying in denial. That's one issue about it all.

    Also, as this is the internet, people can vent or talk about these things extensively, but if one really does have OCD, a therapist would be much better suited to handling those things. Here, rarely any of us are professional therapists or psychologists or anything, and even if we were, online diagnoses are inherently flawed as we only can infer and we only see what is presented, while missing out on other things. For that reason, anyone coming to an online forum to talk about OCD or anything can really only just perpetuate/exacerbate the issue as it allows them to indulge those thoughts and worries further. On that note, it honestly can be hard to try to interact with people who worry about these things when they discuss these things, and so some people may not say the most sensitive things (Even here, this sounds not-so-sensitive, and so I apologize), which is further accentuated as text cannot relay tone or inflections and other things that verbal communication and body language can convey. This was a bit of a ramble, but I hope there was some sense in that.
     
  3. MrAnonymous

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    People who actually feel emotionally and sexually attracted to men and worry about that and feel as they feel, means they are actually gay. Theres no doubt basically that they are really gay and just dont accept it and in are definitly in denial. Those people actually lie about themselves if theyre using OCD as a excuse while they really are gay.

    However straight people who suddenly fear being gay and become obsessed over this subject because they are so busy finding an awnser and check arousal, asking themselves questions, checking their past etc. Eventually leads to the fact that the subject gets stuck in their head and people can't seem to find certainty because OCD doesnt stop that easily. It's pure obsessive, it's the thought in their heads. It has nothing to do with attraction or love or desire to be with men, cause simply people who suffer from this never were gay to begin with. It's the fear that they suddenly become gay or fancy men when like i said they were never gay to begin with.

    It's the same with a sick unwanted thought that a parent could get about raping their child while they would never want or have a desire to act on. They fear that having such thoughts suddenly make them rapists, and ask themselves questions like: Why did i have that thought, thats sick, must that mean i'm a rapist now? No it can't be, i would never do that to my own child! But if i had the thought does that mean that.. etc.etc. OCD is a vicious cycle no matter what the subject and labelling OCD as HOCD or POCD or anything is just to make difference between what kind of OCD someone is suffering from. It's the thought that scares them, obsess over and lead to OCD.

    If someone has never had sexual or emotional attraction to the same sex, never had desire to and lived straight all theyre lives, then suddenly and unwanted thought pops up, gets stuck in their head, they fear about the thought, analyze and eventually gets obsessed over which leads to OCD, more unwanted images and thoughts each day. Well if people call that denial, that's just ignorant like i said.

    If someone is gay, has a desire to be gay, feels emotionally and sexually attracted to the same sex, gets gay thoughts all the time likes those thoughts but is scared about society or what people thinks about them being gay, worry about those thoughts, try to believe they are straight etc. while they know they arent. I believe that's called denial.

    So like i said i'm trying to make and show the difference because of some posts i saw on this forum, saying people that people who have OCD about their sexuality/HOCD immediatly to people who are in denial and gay. Maybe talking about OCD, or posting about it can confuse real gays and using it as an excuse for who they actually really are. But calling people with this OCD obsession about their sexually identity in denial doesnt help them aswell. It's just another thing for those sufferers to obsess over and think suddenly theyre gay because people on a forum say that theyre obsession is gay denial, when they've never been gay to begin with. And yeah HOCD doesnt exists, it's OCD, but for people who have this obsession, HOCD is an easier word.

    Kind regards,

    A.
     
  4. LD579

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    For the record, I do not disagree with you. I completely understand what you're saying. Cheers.
     
  5. questions

    questions Guest

    I agree with what you're saying, but I think it's important to make some distinctions.

    People who identify as gay/bi/whatever else can also be distressed and be thinking about that a lot. I want to reiterate that because that was my experience. I was probably a lesbian earlier in my life, and then thought that because I liked guys I was straight. A very near lesbian experience made me question things, especially when I came to terms with the fact that I definitely liked this girl. Yet I didn't know if it was just in my mind, so I was thinking about it a lot, to the extent that I sometimes had a headache as well. I felt terrified but also like I needed to tell people to be free. I went over my past because something had been nagging in my head suggesting I was bi before that, and then I realized that I'd actually had a lot of interest in girls in the past. I was scared, I was tired, and I was upset that I'd never meet a woman, and sometimes I was even terrified of it all becoming a reality, but ultimately I still found myself crushing on girls and dreaming about them... and enjoying those dreams.
     
  6. MrAnonymous

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    Maybe people with real actual sexual identity crises worry aswell and think about it alot. However you presume you thought about liking guys? That says to me that you actually like guys in a emotional and sexual way aswell, meaning you are bisexual. However if it was just a thought and you never liked guys in those ways it could be like i said an unwanted thought which you've started obsessing over. You were still crushing on girls and dreaming about girls.

    It could be that you had the thought and start obsessing over it, and thought you were now straight, but like i said if you like guys in an emotional and sexual level aswell it means youre attracted to both genders and are bisexual. You worried over the fact that you liked guys.

    So theres three possible scenario's:

    1: You had an identity crisis, you found yourself attracted on both sexual and emotional levels not only to females but males aswell, meaning youre bisexual. But worried about being straight all of a sudden. When it actually means youre attracted to both genders.

    2. Youre still a lesbian, have never felt emotionally or sexually attracted to guys, had crushes on guys, yet still you had a thought you would worry over and think: Is this real what i, experiencing with this girl?
    But still crush on girls, fantasize and dream about them all the time, well that says to me you're a lesbian.

    3. You had an unwanted thought, starting obsessing over it, questioning yourself, while you never been sexually/emotionally attracted to guys and could never picture yourself with a guy in that way nor have the desire to. Never had straight feelings or straight fantasies. Then obsess over being straight, questioning, analyzing while you have always been lesbian and basically never was straight in the first place.
    You get more different unwanted thoughts about the subject, thoughts saying youre straight when you know youre actually a lesbian and deep down you know that. Unwanted straight sexual images popping up with no reason or desire and don't find them enjoyable but you still get them even when you dont think about them. Doing compulsions. Now those are intrusive thoughts connected with OCD. Youre then a lesbian person with OCD about sexual orientation fearing she is straight and through deep obsessing about the subject starts to believe she is, while she was never straight to begin with.

    If you had scenario 3, OCD goes hand in hand with compulsions, so that means checking for arousal, mental rituals to calm you down, asking for reassurance. You've had more unwanted thoughts, you dont find thinking about men pleasurable at all. When looking at males you get unwanted thoughts you don't find pleasurable and via a compulsion, whether it would be mental or physical you get some relief. OCD is overanalyzing, questioning and is not just one thought, they are different unwanted thoughts/images/ideas throughout the day which causes stress and anxiety. These thoughts appear when you dont even think about such things. People with OCD have different compulsions to relief stress, check for arousal, reassurance, mental rituals etc.
    Just like a person with OCD who's afraid of doorhandle's and keeps washing their hands over and over, and sometimes after doing those compulsions might feel relief, but sometimes not and keep washing their hands again. They questions themselves, overanalyze, worry, freak out and try to release stress and anxiety by doing a compulsion.

    There have been numerous reports that gay people with OCD obsess over the fear of being straight while theyre definitly gay. Straight people with OCD obsess over the fear of being gay, while theyre definitly straight. Bisexuals with OCD obsess over being attracted to only one gender.

    So besides this, i don't have any further info about your situation.

    If you feel emotional and sexually attracted to men aswell and worried about it well youre in my eyes bisexual.

    You say youre a lesbian? If you have OCD:
    You had OCD before, about other subjects in the past which you obsessed over
    Now have different and multiple unwanted unpleasurable sexual images or thoughts a day about being straight or bisexual.
    This when you dont even feel emotionally or sexually attracted to men, yet youre still getting these thoughts, which doesn't arouse you or find them pleasurable.
    Then questioning, overanalyzing, performing compulsions to release anxiety and calm yourself.
    Later throughout the day you get other and different unwanted thoughts, start worrying and doing the same cycles with the previous thoughts.

    Now that's obsessive and that's OCD.
     
    #6 MrAnonymous, Oct 12, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2013
  7. Gayproud112

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    Hey there,

    I can totally empathize with you and your situation having had extremely severe OCD throughout much of my teenagehood. There are many people with OCD who fixate on being gay and many times, they are not, at all. There are cases of gay people with the opposite thing who fixate on being straight, and again they are gay, not straight. There are many people with OCD who fixate on being a rapist, and again, they hardly turn out to be a rapist. OCD usually manifests as your worst fear. For me, because my dad was savagely stabbed in front of me when I was only 13 years old; I had a fear of killing my mother, father, sister, brother and family and became so nervous and so 'fused' that I ended up having malicious, terrible thoughts and the accompanying rituals intrusively entering my head every two seconds. It was terrifying... I can totally empathise with you. Not once, did I come close to ever doing anything bad as I'm sure not once will you end up being gay. People with OCD will never act on their obsessive thoughts.
    Find a therapist who can give you a course of CBT; it is life changing and virtually eradicated my OCD. Go see a psychiatrist who can prescribe you some meds as a temporary, short-term solution to make the CBT more effective. I don't know how the health service is in your country, but in mine it's free so we can easily access any doctor we need.

    The manipulative nature of OCD means that you will probably think that your obsession will come true. It will not, a therapist can help you change your thinking and eradicate these bad thoughts for good. Once he/she helps you see that these thoughts are irrational and helps you learn to ignore/cease performing rituals, you will be a lot happier.

    Best of luck
     
  8. MrAnonymous

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    Thank you for understanding my situation with OCD, and OCD itself. It's usually the people who have never experienced OCD that don't know what OCD can cause, how we think or feel like.
    With this article i hope people understand the difference before having an opinion about people with suffering from OCD regaring their sexual orientation. I have recently contacted a therapist center to hopefully find a way to deal with OCD and continue my life.

    A.
     
    #8 MrAnonymous, Oct 12, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2013
  9. questions

    questions Guest

    Ah sorry MrAnonymous, I think you might have misinterpreted what I wrote. I was a lesbian (very closeted with no experience) as a teen, and then thought I was straight... and then had homosexual feelings resurface in a very prominent way I couldn't ignore. I struggled a lot with my sexuality and was stressed and stuff, so I was just trying to say that even those of us who do have certain attractions genuinely can be really stressed/confused/upset :slight_smile:
     
  10. MrAnonymous

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    Ofcourse lesbian or gay people like yourself can feel stressed, upset, confused etc.
    But the difference is, people suffering from OCD regarding their sexual orientation, fear of being gay, never had homosexual feelings or a sex drive towards the same sex. It's a thought or image that pops in, gets worried about, obsessed about, analyzing everything,doing compulsions, being busy with the subject all day while theres absolutely no reason to, yet for an OCD sufferer it's most of the times not possible to let a thought go that easily. It's the same for a gay person suffering from OCD and gets straight images or thoughts while they've never been straight or for a bisexual with OCD who fear they are attracted to one sex while theyve never been attracted to only one sex.

    You struggled alot with your sexuality but that's because you had feelings for woman and then thought you were straight. You knew you had homosexual feelings or attraction probably as a teen and probably was confused why you had them on females and not on males, i don't really know your situation but people with OCD don't question feelings, it's the thoughts that get's obsessed over and seeking for total reassurance. It's the fear of suddenly becoming something theyre not and never have been. Whether it's a thought or image that gets obsessed over. Like myself i never had homosexual feelings or homosexual desires or sexual attraction towards men, yet a gay thought started it, came out of nowhere and is interfering with my life. I still know i'm straight and always have been but it's the thought of having such thought that gets analyzed over and obsessed over when theres no reason to. And for people like me with OCD, whether it be about sexual orientation or other OCD subjects, these are thoughts that come in suddenly with no desire, gets to obsessed over and starts to believe they are actually a murderer, rapist or gay or whatever the subject is while they never been such a person. These are recurring thoughts, unwanted thoughts, unpleasurable thoughts and for people with OCD they are hard to dismiss because people with OCD analyze to much and start asking questions to themselves which are not relevant to themselves as a person. And like i said earlier OCD goes hand in hand with compulsions, whether mental rituals or physical, like turning of light switches a few times because otherwise if you don't you might suddenly be gay. It sounds ridiculous, but compulsions relieve anxiety, and OCD is ridiculous and illogical in every way.

    So the confusion is different of a person in a sexual identity crisis who feels confused about their feelings, then about a OCD sufferer who get's confused about a unwanted image or thought.

    A.