Hi.. basically, I've been thinking of maybe labeling myself as bisexual, but I'm not sure if I fully identify with it. When all of my friends were discovering the opposite sex at age 13/14 I was discovering the same sex. This lasted til last year when I came to college and now I really like the opposite sex and I don't know how I feel about women. I feel like I would identify as straight if it wasn't for my feelings in my adolescence, and I can't help think that might have been hormones, but I was way more than bi-curious at the time. Now I feel like I am just curious, because I remember how I used to feel, I wanted to kiss girls so badly and now I still want to but I know deep down it wont feel as great as it would if I still felt the same way about girls. I had kind of a gay day yesterday, like I was kind of checking out women in the gym for reasons other than trying to see what I used to see. Even though I wasn't forcing myself to look at women, I still felt a weird knot in my stomach and a heavy feeling on my head that happens when I overthink about these things. There's a girl in college who I noticed last year. Basically I was like, "That girl is pretty cool, I'd like her if she was a guy", and it was weird because it was usually the other way round. Usually it was me meeting guys and wishing they were girls. I know gender shouldn't matter but this is just how I honestly felt. Anyway, I kind of got her into my head, and I had reason to believe she kind of liked me too, even though we hardly talk. I'm too shy, she's shy too. Today I found out she likes some girl and she got some action with her at a party. When I found this out I wanted to cry. Every time I see her I just think she's so cute but then there's this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me feel upset. I think I like her, but not women in general? I always feel really bad grief when my sexuality changes, and I have thought of myself as fluid, but then again my sexuality has only changed 3 times, maybe I am just straight. I don't know if I like women or if I am just trying to be open minded. I know I can label as whatever I want, but I don't want to be the person who identifies as bisexual just to sound open minded. I feel like people will put me into a box if I say I'm bisexual and it's just really hard to explain myself. The past few days I have been feeling more attracted to girls, but I don't know if I'm just subconsciously trying to be open to it. I know what it's like to try and force yourself to like a gender, and that's not what's happening here, not anymore anyway. I dunno what the point in this is... just a little rant.
Yes. Bisexuality is (almost) always this confusing. Straight women don't have those urges to kiss women, or strong cravings for physical contact with them. That doesn't sound like *just* open-mindedness to me. Sexuality does shift quite a bit over time. The thing is, don't beat yourself up because of the shifts. But try to learn them and embrace them. Don't worry overly about labeling or explaining yourself...just be in touch with yourself and explore what feels good/right at any given moment. And if you do need a label (for whatever reason), bisexual, fluid, open-minded, or whichever of gay or straight ("just off-gay" or "just off-straight"?) seems to be the most recent stable truth all seem like viable alternatives. But don't overthink. Many of us have a strong tendency to want to "sew it up"...to find the box we fit in. Meh, that's overrated and limiting. Just be you, whoever you are *at that time*, and you'll be fine. Enjoy the adventure that is your life!
No one is attracted to everyone of the sex you most desire. I don't think men who like women are attacted to EVERY woman, or men who like men are infatuated with EVERY man... so it doesn't seem a contradiction that you would feel strong attraction to a particular woman... more like, isn't that how it usually is? That you aren't equally drawn to other women takes nothing away from you being a woman who likes women! and men, too. Some men. I don't think we get confused about our feelings. We get confused when our feelings don't match our ideas, or our beliefs. Ideas and beliefs we can change. Feelings, not so much.
Oh. Buddy. it is SO confusing. (at least to me it is!!) I used to only want to date guys (although I don't know if that was genuine or due to pressure; I have evidence both ways). I liked messing around with guys, I really did, but I always wanted to be just friends. And now I actually have romantic feelings for a girl but it's not necessarily better for me physically. I feel confused sometimes, still; it's only when I let go of the "gay or straight?" question and let myself drift in between that I really feel relaxed. Things change. I can't see myself with a guy now, but maybe in the future I will? I can't say now. I just gotta go with the flow. Long story short, my advice would be to let yourself drift. I find that meditation helps a lot when I get in my head about things like this; when I first started shifting from a Kinsey 1 to a 4/5, it got me through it and helped me let go of my expectations for myself and just be attracted to who i'm attracted to. Give it a shot.
Yeah you're right, I keep trying to be open to the changes but it's hard. My difficulty with it has nothing to do with what other people think, it's just kind of frustrating. I'm pretty lonely and I want to start dating people, but sometimes when I start being interested in certain people my sexuality does a full turn and then I'm not. I'm pretty sure I'm just floating to and fro and the grey area, but then sometimes I think maybe I'm just kidding myself. Just got to keep going I guess. Oh I know people aren't attracted to every member of the sex they like. I know that more than anyone, I have loads of experience with fluctuating sexuality and I think I have a good understanding of it. But I mean, if someones straight and they see an attractive member of the opposite sex, they're going to look. If they see an attractive member of the same sex they don't care. That's what I meant by "in general". I like one girl but I don't tend to be attracted to any women, not anymore anyway. If you're attracted to a sex you can see yourself with a member of it, that doesn't equate to liking every member of that sex. Well I know for sure my feelings do confuse me. It's one of those things you need to experience to understand. My feelings are very convoluted and they do change quite a bit. Yeah this is pretty much me, like I am drifting but then sometimes I wonder if it's all this overthinking and maybe it's simpler than I think. I started not thinking about it as much, I love doing exercise because all I can think about is "keep going", I think I'll try meditation too now Sometimes I look back and think I was always bisexual. I had crushes on boys when I was young, but then sometimes there were girls, usually older, who I liked. Maybe it was normal, like admiration of big girls, but when I first realized I liked a girl it didn't feel like a new feeling. I guess if it was just admiration I would just know. Good talk guys (&&&)
