Asking for help is really hard for me. I am fiercely independent to the point where I refuse help no matter how much I need it, so forgive me if what I post here is too vague for anybody to understand what I am talking about. Anyway, here goes: up until this summer I was sure I was straight, but then I had a dream about a guy and I found myself attracted to gay stuff. But only sometimes. Some days I only found gay things arousing and other times only straight things, but most days it was both. When I got back to school I devoloped a massive crush on a guy. I've had crushes on girls before but this is exponentially larger. I mean, with the girls I could always make small talk no problem, but I can't even make eye-contact with this guy without being frozen to the spot. I just want to figure out my sexuality. I don't know if I'm gay, bi, straight, or somewhere in between.
Hi Sitri and welcome to EC! It may help to stand back a bit instead of rushing to a label. Think more about how you feel about the guy you are crushing on. Just think of him and see how you feel. Here's a resource you can use: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/7-coming-out-what-expect-guide.html You need to think clearly and with discrimination, that is, separating what you feel for him from what you think the implications are regarding your identity. If you can do that cleanly, you will know, clearly.
I know how hard it is to ask for help on something, I'm the same way. Saying that, this is incredibly vague and I am too so hopefully I can decipher this for you. It is certainly a wonder that a person can be aroused and attracted to gay stuff and straight stuff the next. Honestly, I'm that way too. That said, the reason why I identify as gay is just because I could never picture myself with a woman or having sexual or romantic relations with a women. You said that 'most days it was both'. This is telling me that there is some hint of bisexuality in play. Just having a massive crush on a guy is too vague to touch on it. My guess: Bisexual. With that said, sexuality is fluid and ultimately you know yourself better than I do and don't just go with what a person on the internet said.
One of the best pieces of advice I got when I came here was not to worry about labels, either internal, or external and just live consciously. You'll find your answers eventually and there is no pressure, just a path to discovery. By the way, this is how I remember it. It could have been totally different verbiage and I just took this away.
