For as long as I could remember, I've considered myself more-or-less exclusively attracted to women, but with enough flexibility to consider myself bisexual at different points in time. Actually, the terms "gay" and "straight" brought my own gender issues into question, and at this point gynephilic vs androphilic might be more appropriate, but that's another story for another thread. Anyway, my definition of bisexuality is more or less attraction towards members of the two sexes, regardless of gender identity, as invalidating as that might sound to some people. There's always been a preference for gender non-conforming individuals, though, a lot falling under the trans umbrella as well. This is where the internal debate begins, you could say: what determines attraction in the first place? Sexually, I can be turned on by both men and women, but to hold my attention and keep it, there has to be more. A lot of the stereotypical images of ideal dates don't do much for me, and a lot of frustration comes from not being understood from most cisfolk. The frustrating part is just how much leeway there is even between the labels, and what they mean to each person. For instance, there are straight men who will date mtfs, and gay men who will date ftms. For some people, it's ALL about the genitals, while for others, it's displays of masculinity, femininity, androgyny, etc. Yet, there are plenty of men and women in the heterosexual community who prefer gender non-conforming members of the opposite sex, so this issue might be more tricky for multisexuals who not only are open to dating transgenders, but might even prefer it at some point. Several have suggested the pansexual label, but for me, it always felt like more of a personal choice: splitting hairs, if anything, since there is so much cross over between the two, and definitions aren't set in stone. Do pansexuals have preferences? I believe some do, but again, I have to ask what is it that determines that preference? Genitals alone? A certain appearance? Qualities of this or that sex or gender? It's all so complex. For me, it's always been on how a person carries and presents themselves; I've always liked quirky, intelligent, and fascinating people. It's one thing to turn me on physically, but if you can do so mentally? Those who can do the former are guaranteed to receive a physical reaction. Another question: there seems a greater number of asexuals, pansexuals, and bisexuals in the trans community, at least when compared with the cis population. That begs the quetsion whether it's genetic, or if a more tolerant culture provides the opportunity to identity as such with less stigma. I'd like to believe it's the latter, honestly, due to wishful thinking. I'm constantly frustrated by normative thinking and behavioral patterns, and the more people I meet, the less alone and misunderstood I start to feel. Yeah... it's 8 am and I'm half asleep, so if this makes little to no sense, that's why. I'll probably come back later to read responses and find a ton of mistakes on this post, blah..
The definitions I prefer to use: bisexuality: Can feel attracted to more than one gender. pansexuality: Can feel attracted to all genders. It's a bit annoying indeed that different people can have different meanings for their chosen 'label' which describes their sexuality, but as long as people don't start putting others into boxes I'm fine with it (like someone saying: you call yourselves bisexual, that means you can only feel attracted to female/male, instead of them asking how the other person defines their label).
I think this is a big part of it. I have strong suspicions that when one doesn't fall into the cishet category anymore they start to see how many cultural norms are complete hogwash and start to question many more things. This is the core of being open minded is seeing cultural values as nothing more than things that a large group of people has agreed upon being "right". The more these cultural norms are pushed and challenged, the more varied and tolerant people will become.
Right, for me the trouble defining the two comes from the idea that biological sex = gender, and for a long time, I thought having the ability to feel attraction towards XX and XY (there are more, but they really weren't considered...) was all that mattered, definition-wise, and any transgender identity would be an after thought. After all, they would have probably been one of the two sexes, so attraction would probably fall under bisexuality. Again, a huge part of this thinking probably comes from upbringing and environment, along with ignorance of XXX, XYY, XXY, etc. chromosome combinations. I'm not opposed to using pansexuality, but for the sake of simplicity, tend to stick with bisexual when describing my orientation, or describing it in a way that most people would come to the conclusion, anyway. Huh, I guess for now, I'll simply call myself non-linear! There was no need for a label before, so why obsess over one now! I think for a long time I simply avoided the topic of pansexuality, since it brought my own gender concerns to attention, and that was even scarier than being "just gay". A thousand times more, actually. :eusa_doh:
This makes a lot of sense to me! I think that for multisexuals whether you identity as queer, pansexual, or bisexual is a very personal choice and others should not judge you for it. For me I like pan or queer for the implied flexibility, but bi can also have that flexibility I think.
I identify as any of the following: Bisexual-attracted to two genders (people who identify as male or female) Queer-non-conforming to other sexualities (my sexuality is very fluid) Pansexual-attracted to all genders (male, female, or both/neither) Gay-a guy attracted to masculinity Androsexual-a person attracted to masculinity (doesn't matter which gender)
Judging by the commonly accepted definitions, I'm probably pansexual. But I still prefer bi, as that's what most people will understand if you attempt to explain pansexual anyway. :S
Hello there, I honestly have trouble distinguishing what sexual preference is when thinking about gender/sex. Surely, there are some people that might like the athletic build so are they atheleto-sexual? When I was first coming out I thought I was pan. Why? Because I have incredible difficulty understanding on an intellectual level why my attractions is limited by gender/sex. I am so incredibly attracted to femininity. I adore it, I worship it and I can't keep my eyes off it. I don't feel an attraction to butch cis-women nor cis-men. It feels physically impossible for me to feel that attraction; believe me, I've been there done that. I will say though that actually, there was one time where I felt an insane attraction to a FtM individual; he was gay though and has a boyfriend. Very cute. But ya...now I just feel all confused because....Why is it that, besides the situation I mentioned above, Im so attracted to cis-women????????????? How much of this is social and just biological????????????????? I don't think it's at all a choice. I just think you feel an attraction for some people but not others...but WHY is that?????? And I can totally believe you when you say that trans people are more tolerant. That really is an interesting observation that you proposed; why is it that cis people tend to have more cis-oriented sexual orientations and why are trans people usually very open to a variety of different people?
