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I want to date again... should it be with a man or a woman?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jane, Oct 13, 2013.

  1. jane

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    Hi everyone! I'm new to this site and I'd really appreciate some advice. Thank you in advance.


    It's been over 3 years since I started questioning my sexuality. I've never talked to anyone about it before but I decided to finally take the plunge and pour out my thoughts. I'm a virgin, although I've dated 2 guys. In both instances the relationship lasted no more than 3 months. I haven't dated in years but I'd like to again. The only problem is I don't know if it should be with a man or a woman.

    Almost 4 years ago, I started reading a lot of books, romance novels being among them. In one of those books there was a sex scene between two women and I was really intrigued by it so I started reading more books along same line. Shortly after, I started watching The L World and again I was really captivated and transfixed whenever there were scenes involving women kissing and being intimate. I began to read lesbian novels and now I'm hooked, I've read hundreds of them ever since. Before, whenever I'd see a beautiful woman I would just think to myself "She's really beautiful". But since those events took place I'm noticing women around me a lot more. Rather than just a cursory glance, I often find myself staring at women's breasts and their butt lol! I fantasize about women all the time.

    I'm confused because although I've develop these feelings towards women, I'm still attracted to men. Sometimes I can see myself having sex with a guy but on the other end, the idea scares me at times. I think it's the idea of being so vulnerable with the opposite sex. I'm not opposed to the idea, but sometimes I feel like I would be more comfortable if it was with a woman. I've wanted to talk about it before, particularly with a cousin I'm really close to. It's just that often times I ask myself what if I'm not a lesbian or bi? What if I'm just intrigued by the idea of being with a woman? I can't just say "Sorry! False alarm!":icon_redf, it's not exactly something you can take back.

    I'm considering putting my profile on a dating site but I'm constantly asking myself what my status should be; straight, bi or gay?
     
  2. flatlander48

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  3. jane

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    Thanks, that says a lot...:rolle:
     
  4. flatlander48

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    No, the point is that it is a question about attraction. We shouldn't date just to be dating. Hopefully there is some chemistry or attraction. But, I think the way it works is attraction first and then dating second; not deciding on a gender first and then looking for attraction.

    Personally, I find it it a bit worrying that so many here want to know if they are this or that or something entirely different. The truth is that it takes a while to sift and sort through what we honestly feel. Remember that we are working against years of homophobic conditioning that is laid on us by society at large. It's like we have to push that back in order to look at what we need to do for ourselves.

    Where will all this fall for you? I don't have a clue. However, I do know that figuring out who you are does not happen with inactivity. It is largely trial and error.
     
  5. jane

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    Good point flatlander48, I appreciate the feedback.
     
  6. flatlander48

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    Not a problem. Good Luck to you!
     
  7. Split Arrows

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    I think this is the most telling part of what you wrote. Dating someone should be exciting and invigorating, but shouldn't make you uncomfortable. Even if you have attractions to men and women, you would be more comfortable being with a woman. I agree with flatlander48 in that what's chemistry and attraction are more important than picking a gender to go with (if you are indeed bi).