Ok here is my situation. I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship, dated, kissed, or really done anything with anyone. I always just assumed I was straight. Growing up I always had crushes on guys but nothing ever came of them. I've known my best friend since I was 12 and now recently I've been having some very strong feelings for her. She came out to me as gay when we were 17 and has always been really flirty with everyone but I never really thought anything of it. She has been gone for almost 10 months on the other side of the country and so I've only been able to text or call her. During this time we became really close and have been talking everyday. Like I said, she is very flirty but thats just her personality. She always calls me pretty and has said things like "ugh why are you straight" and the like. I just brush it off because thats just her personality. However recently, she'll joke about making out or something else and ill get butterflies. I flew out to see her last month for the weekend. We went out drinking the first night I got there and after a few drinks she started getting flirty again. The bar was super crowded so to keep from getting separated, she would grab my hand and would pull me into her. After we left, she kept hold of my hand/arm as we walked back. This whole time I kept getting butterflies and after we got back to the hotel (and she made a joke about kissing) I found myself really wishing she would kiss me. Nothing ended up happening however. I acted very weird after I got home from this trip and my friend finally made me talk about it. I told her that I suspected that I was bi, but nothing about having feelings for her. Later we somehow got on the topic of it again and I sorta confessed that I might have feelings for her. She then said that she had always been attracted to me and asked if she could take me on a date when she got back and I agreed. Then a few days later she called and said that she didn't want to jeopardize our friendship and that she thought I probably only had feelings for her as a friend and that she did also, and that I wouldn't really have time to date after she got back because Im in college full time. After I got off the phone I started crying, but I agreed with her reasons. I figured that maybe we could just play it by ear after she gets back but then I got some news. The catch is that she has very strong feelings for our mutual gay friend (which I knew about), who has since confessed her feelings as well. My friend told me that she plans to date this friend when she gets back and could see herself marrying her someday. This made me breakdown after I got off the phone. I don't know what to think. ANYWAY the whole point of this rambling story is just to ask, does this sound like im bi/gay or just really confused about a friend? I don't really find myself looking at other girls and I do find guys attractive, but I just cant shake my feelings for my friend. I don't know what to do/think. Any advise?
