I've been pissed off lately because it seems like no one respects my bisexuality. One friend (gay male) always refers to me as a lesbian even though I told him that I'm bi. When I correct him, he gives me this "yeah right" look that I don't appreciate. He thinks that a lot of gay people think they're bi for awhile and then they realize they're gay. I think it's annoying that we have to keep having this conversation. I give up. My other friend (straight female) thinks I'm really a lesbian and that I'm just calling myself bi so that my mother will accept me. Quite frankly, that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. My mother isn't going to be okay with me being bi OR a lesbian. She's a hardcore, Bible-thumping soldier for the Lord. If she finds out that I've even considered tasting the rainbow, she's going to be splashing holy water in my face before you can say "abomination." Bi, lesbian, it's all sin to her. The exact depth of my lady love is irrelevant. This friend has known me for years and she's met guys that I was interested in, but she's conveniently waving that all away. And now she's saying she knew that I liked women the whole time, but I'm pretty sure that when I came out to her, she said she had no idea. Should I be upset or am I overreacting? It bothers me because I'm been agonizing over my sexuality, I've been to therapy and a support group, I've come to EC, I've combed through every detail of my life over and over looking for answers... only to have the people that are supposed to be supporting me tell me that I'm a) still confused or b) outright lying. I'm not even saying that they're WRONG. Yes, there have been gay people who thought they were bisexual at first. Maybe I'll be one of them. But Jesus, the way that they ganged up on me the other night, you'd think I was on trial for murder. I'm NOT lying. Today, in this moment, I identify as a bisexual. And if I say that I'm bi, just call me bi. It's not that hard. It's less syllables. You can't even spell "lesbian" without "bi". Just drop the other letters. TL;DR - I don't understand why people are trying to tell me who I am or acting like they know me better than I know myself.
I'm sorry you're going through that. Unfortunately, it's a story that bisexuals (myself included) know all too well. A lot of times people just can't get their head around the fact that you can desire men as well as women and that it doesn't diminish either attraction. Your male friend is probably one of the one's that appropriated the bi label during his coming out and now he assumes that it's always a transitioning phase. People often say that bi's need to "just pick a side", but I find the irony is that they say this just so they can have an easier time understanding your sexuality. With these people I see two options; you can keep trying to get them to understand or just accept that they never will. A line I like to use when people cannot understand bisexuality is, "you don't have to understand it, you just need to accept that it's what I am". Hopefully, if and when you decide to come out to your mom they will be supportive of you coming out as bi.
It's a shame you went through that. I'm having the opposite- my mum thinks I'm bi when I'm actually just gay, also I know a lot of other people in your same situation. First of all, my advice is always at first to stay cool and calm. Now think about each situation separately. Obviously this gay guy is going from experience, a logical fallacy but you can't change that. You'll have to endure it for a while until he gets it. Next, your straight female friend should know that you feel your mother won't accept you either way, so she has no way to keep the excuse. Finally, your mother, definitely it seems in a lot of stories that the mother is normally the one people are afraid of telling. How crazy are we talking here? Like Protestant, Catholic, Evangelical, or really extreme like WBC?
I think I'm going to start using that line. I'm tired of saying "bisexuality is a legitimate orientation" over and over again. It's getting old. I don't even understand why it matters to them! The thing is that I came out to them over a year ago. Nobody was saying this stuff back then and now it's suddenly an issue. I think now that I've gone from "questioning" to "bisexual" and I'm starting to come out to more people, everyone's changing their story. My mother goes to a non-denominational church, but we've been to a lot of churches over the years. I don't think she's a hateful person. I think she would still love me (hate the sin, love the sinner). But if she thinks something is wrong, she's going to try to correct it. She's not going to accept that part of me. I guess I'm just upset because how am I ever going to work up the courage to come out to my mother when my friends are giving me crap? It's frustrating :/
I get that. I'm in the same place. I've always thought I was bi and just heavy on the girl side but now this last 6 mos I've been wrestling with feeling like I HAVE to choose. I now can't get my head around liking both, it's like I forgot how to just do it. I'm lucky I have a good Mom, who has listened to each one of my fears and anxieties and always tried to come up with the best answers. She believes bi exists, she believes all shades exists and she just really wants me to be happy however I am. If only I could now feel the same and stop stressing.
