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Can I be gay if I'm in love with man?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by AliceHutchins, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. AliceHutchins

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2013
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Bath/Bristol
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So I always identified as bi and I've been in relationships with guys for the last 4 years but the need to experiment was getting more intense. I've always fantasized about women and I don't think I've EVER fantasized about a man, not since I was maybe 11/12. But at 13 I had my first 'girl crush' and decided to identify as bi.

    Except it's not something I ever really explored though I wanted to.

    I've been with my bf on and off for two years. Everytime we break up and get back together, I experience all the awful feelings of 'being in love'. The problem is, I still only fantasize about women and I make jokes that if I wasn't with my bf, I'd be with a women and go on about how I think women are a lot more physically attractive. If I'm out with people at the beach, I look at women not men. And the men I do like always have long hair. But they're still MEN, you know? my bf is 6ft4 & very hairy & cuddly. Definitely not feminine.

    Except when we broke up this Summer, I decided I needed to be with a woman. All feelings I ever had about men just went away. I didn't want it. I started dating this REALLY stunning girl. I found her far more attractive than any man I knew, and I was excited to see her. We wouldn't have worked out though, even if I didn't get back with my bf.

    Things were fine until I went to an LGBT night with some friends and ended up kissing this girl. She came back to mine where I said she could stay but that I had a bf and was just v confused. But I thought she was gorgeous. I havn't even stopped thinking about her figure since. And then I feel guilty.

    I went to my bf's later in hysterics and confessed how confused I'm feeling. He was very good about it and agreed to give me some time.
    Now, I don't know what to do. I love him very much and I'm v frightened of being gay so it would be easy(/ier) to just stay with him and try to forget about it but at the same time, it's pretty unlikely to go away, right?

    What do people think? Do I like women? Is it possible it's a phase?