Hello all nice people! I've read around a lot, on different forums and on this one. But now I've decided to make a thread, partly for myself and partly because I could need some advice. I'm male, 22 years old. I've throughout my life always been attracted to girls, I've had crushes on them since I was a little kid, even though they've been less frequent since adolescence. I had a "gay experience" when I was like 11, but that never bothered me or made me question my sexuality. Ok, I could go on forever about my past but here's the deal: I had a girl over around six months ago, a girl that I was in love with (or I think I was.. or am..) and I couldn't perform sexually (this has happened twice or thrice before). She left, and I freaked out. I failed my exam and was drunk 7 days straight. I then took a drug called "allylescaline", a hallucinogenic research chemical, and during the trip I heard this voice from within me telling me I'm gay and ever since that I've started to think that maybe there's something gay in me. I would like to come out, if I could! But I don't know if there's something to come out with. Since that happened I've been more nervous around guys, payed less attention to girls etc. I'm trying to come to terms with it, I've even watched a lot of gay porn but I'm not the least aroused. Not a single reaction downstairs. (I've had sex with girls since that happened and it turns me on.. but still). This might sound trivial, but it is deeply upsetting and I've even thought about taking my life and shit, I know that doesn't make sense but I don't want to go into it this post is long enough as it is.. Ok, thanks for reading and looking forward to some responses. :smilewave
There are so many things to come to terms with and to understand. When you watch straight porn do you get aroused? The fear of not being able to perform in bed sometimes causes just that as well. I can understand it is upsetting and that it has given you a lot of cause to think. All I would like to say to you is. Take a step back. Perhaps something inside is telling you that you might want to explore. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It helps you find out what you do and don't like. Trying to find out who we are - most of us are in the same boat. Some of us are still there. I know I am still learning new things even now. Good luck Wishing you all the best
Thanks man. Yeah I do, but I've learnt that visual stimulation isn't hard evidence of sexuality. These fucked up months, whatever the outcome, have showed me the that homosexual love also is beautiful, and nothing to think less of (watched brokeback mountain and weekend hehe). I think maybe I was somewhat of a homophobe before this..
Maybe you only have romantic feelings towards other guys, and not sexual? It could be that you are attracted to the idea of a relationship with a guy (and though you may like the idea of sex), are not physically aroused by one? It seems as if you are still attracted to girls. If you think this could be your orientation, then you could choose either to identify as a biromantic heterosexual, or bisexual (or under a variety of other labels). Personally, I think its too soon (from what you say) to come out - you should come out when you are convinced of your attraction/orientation - and I definitely don't think you are gay if you are still attracted to girls. I wish you luck on figuring out yourself! P.S. On here, don't we all find homosexual love beautiful ?
