I am a 31 year old male and I think I am gay and I really don't want to be. I have been with men multiple times in my adult life but only three times with women. I don't like masculine men I prefer girly fem types. I don't like spending tme with guys who are gay unless its for sex I see gay people who are feminine in public and it is a turn off. I am attracts to women in a big way and if I am walking down the street and a good looking girl walks past my head will turn to have a "Perve" just as my straight friends would. Last night I decided for the first time in ten years to try sex with a women. I loved the talking and flirting in public which I never do with guys and I loved the simple things like walking out of the bar together and getting petrol on the way home with out feeling self conscious. I only meet guys online because I don't want to be seen in public. I find sex with men to be more stimulating but not intimate. When I tried sex last night with a women I really enjoyed the intimacy and the fore play but I could not quite get turned on like I do with a guy. This lead to me not be able to maintain an erection and sex did not end up happening. This has never happened with a guy before and usually if anything I'm erect for to long. I have never felt more comfortable in bed after we had sex just lying together cuddling. I find this girl attractive and love being with her. I'm not sure if I am putting to much pressure on myself when we are about to have sex. But the same thing happened when I last tried sex with a female. I don't think guys will satisfy my needs in a relationship out side of sex. But I can't see to get aroused enough for sex with a women. Has any body else felt like this ?
Some peoples' sexualities change over time, but the majority of people experienced a fixed sexual orientation, and denial leads to some pretty crappy consequences. You can choose to pursue (or not to pursue) same-sex experiences, but you can't choose who you are attracted to. So, the two pools of people you are comparing are (1) gay men you meet through the internet for the sole purpose of clandestine sex, and (2) women you get to know in person as whole personalities with feelings and personalities. Given this, I can see why you would connect with women on a dating level while you only connect with men on a sexual level. Now that you've dated only women but had sex with both, would you consider dating men? Or being friends with gay men? I found that my denial and confusion lessened once I made some lesbian friends, and once I entered a healthy relationship with a girl that I liked and respected. Maybe it's just me. Anyways sex is a very important part of a relationship, so if you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are not innately attracted to, someone will eventually be left unhappy. One of the hard things for me growing up in this culture being not straight is that we are told to think of LGBTQ people in a particular way, without getting to know them as individuals first. People are people, gay or straight, and it's hard not to reduce them to the labels you were brought up with growing up. But you won't get any closer to true happiness by distancing yourself from people based on arbitrary stereotypes.
As posted above, there could be some denial at work (still not being comfortable with being gay), but it's also possible that you are both hetero-romantic (you enjoy the relationship aspect with women, going out on dates, talking/flirting, cuddling) and homosexual (your mind/body mostly responds to other men when it comes to sexual activity).
