After a long time of confusion, when I was 15, I came out as bisexual. I stayed closeted when I was in high school, and slowly, I became comfortable with being out when I went to college. However, I'm beginning to question my sexual orientation. I'm sorry if this comes out as confusing and non cohesive, but I'll try my best. When I was 15, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time(a huge mistake for many reasons). It was not a very pleasant experience. Since then, I haven't had sex at all. I dated a few guys, but it was never anything serious. I haven't even kissed anyone since then. I felt sexually repressed for awhile, until finally when I was about 21, I stopped caring about sex, and lost all interest in it. I even stopped masturbating. I even stopped getting crushes on guys. I mean, I thought guys were attractive, I just tended not to notice them for the most part. I did have a few crushes on girls, but they never led to anything. Recently however, I finally used a toy that a friend had given me a year ago. And I feel much better about myself, and I finally am beginning to get a sex drive again. However, getting in tune with my body for the first time has me looking at things in a much different way and it's making me realize that I might want things differently then I thought I did. I have always just figured that it wouldn't matter if I fell in love with a guy or a woman, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I just want to be with a woman. When I see a straight couple, I'm kind of indifferent to them. When I see two women, it feels like it's the way things should be for me. I guess what confuses me is that I can't tell if I'm still attracted to men, or if I just think they're attractive. My question is, how do I tell the difference. Sorry for the long post. I'm technically new here(since I joined, but this is one of the few posts that I've made so far), so I wasn't sure how to handle this.
I think the best way to tell is when you see an attractive guy do you have an urge to get to know him or be around him? Do you fantasize about kissing him or touching him? If you imagine him naked how does it make you feel? When you get to know guys do you feel comfortable around them and crave close contact or is it more of a friendly connection?
Now that you mention it, I don't really want to be physical with the attractive guys that I see. I might like looking at him for a moment, but I don't necessarily want to do anything physical with him. I also don't really feel the need to talk to him. Then again, I'm introverted, so I usually prefer that I don't approach people that I don't know. I don't want to picture men naked. While if I see a hot man running shirtless, i might think he's hot, anything below the waist, I don't want to think about it. I'm not sure what I want when I begin to get close to a guy. There is a guy that I have talked to a few times that I felt like I was either getting a crush on, or I just wanted to get to know him. I just enjoyed talking about the things that we shared in common, but I wasn't necessarily attracted to him to the point that I wanted to physically touch him. I just wanted to hang out with him and get to know him emotionally. When I am feeling a guy, I just want to hang out with the guy.
Do you have a subconscious urge to touch them and be near them? I think that's the difference. When I was first coming to terms with my orientation, I started realizing that I was forcing myself to "like" men. My attraction to women came so naturally though...it was without effort that I would feel sparks and all the rest
Actually, yes, I have to consciously look for things to make me be attracted to men. I've been self-reflecting on this after I read your response, and every single ones of the last guys I had slight crushes(all due to their personalities, they weren't guys I wanted to be physical with) I had to look for things to be attracted to them.
Also, is it strange that I can list off the several things that I find attractive about the women that I have been attracted to, or even about women in general, but I can't really do that with men?
Same here. If I was asked what my type of guy is I wouldn't know how to answer but it's quite different with women because I do know precisely what women I like :icon_wink
Wow. This post actually hit me pretty hard. I could probably think of all the best features and piece together a really cute guy but for girls I'd have to work at it a bit harder.
It makes me feel better that people get where I am coming from and thanks to everyone for responding.
Hey guys...I am in the same boat I think... I find myself more drawn to women, in that I notice way more about them at first glance than with men (but I still feel indifferent towards that...I think I do...) and I really have to look for men that I find attractive, but I do find them attractive (but lately I'm not sure if I feel in different towards that too). I get aroused by both sexually, but I have never been comfortable to be with a woman, just the thought of it arouses me. With men I do feel aroused when I let myself, but it's like I won't let myself and I don't k ow why. I connect easier with women, with men I connect once there is no sexual tension. But with some men I thrive on that sexual tension. I am so confused.
My story sounds a lot like momart's, above. This is an interesting question, one that I can't answer, for myself or anyone else, but would like to try to.
I think human sexuality in women is really complicated. I identify as bi because I am aroused by women but I like having sex with men more (I've been with both). Men I like because of the romantic connection, I've yet to feel that with a woman. Men do not physically arouse me by just by looking at them, it's something internal that I can't explain that makes me wanna be with them.
^ That does seem to make sense. I think it could help me if I have actually had a loving, healthy, and romantic relationship, so then I could know if I connect to men and women emotionally.
