Very nervous about physical contact and unsure about date

I have been questioning my sexuality for a long time - but it has only been recently (in the last few months) that I have finally taken the plunge and actively tried to figure things out. I have never really found myself attracted to guys, but I always told myself it was because I was shy and needed to get to know someone really well before I would feel that for someone. In fact, I really do not have the urge or desire to be with anyone of either gender physically before I get to know them really well. I know I may have some walls up around physical contact, but this is also making it very difficult for me to figure out my sexuality and who I am attracted to. I am 25 years old and feel that I should be at a place where I know this by now. I have spent the last few years trying very hard to date a man, and have gone on several dates but never wanted it to go anywhere beyond the conversation. I finally went out on my first date with another woman about 2-3 weeks ago - someone I met online. I was beyond nervous but the date went fine. I think I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to figure things out, so it was a little uncomfortable at first, but the conversation ended up being good and I was open to a second date. This past week we went out for dinner for a second date and the conversation was great. I felt as if I could be best friends with this person and we talked until the restaurant closed. She then walked me to the car and we ended the night a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I think she may have expected it to go farther, but I was not comfortable with much beyond that. Because I am so conservative about getting physical with someone, I am having trouble distinguishing whether I am not attracted to her sexually, not attracted to women, or just have walls up and need more time. Tonight is our third date and she has invited me over to her place to make dinner and watch a movie. While this sounds innocent, I know there are likely expectations attached, and I am not sure how much I am ready for. Even holding hands/cuddling is a big deal for me in this situation because I am still trying to figure out myself. Is this normal to be THIS nervous and unsure, or if I feel this uncertain should I just not pursue this any farther? I have friends who have said that if I am into her I would know immediately and wouldn't be questioning this. I also feel like because she seems so great and the conversation is so good that I don't want to mess things up by either freaking out if I get uncomfortable when things move too fast, or by sharing too much about telling her she is basically the first woman I have dated and that I want to take things really. How much should I share? When should I share it? Or am I way off base and shouldn't even go on the date? Miserably nervous.

 

Thanks for this feedback. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way about physical contact. I don't want to seem entirely uninterested by not reciprocating or by pushing off the physical moves and don't know how much I should explain/share with reasoning why.

 

That's what I'm afraid of. Which is not going to happen. Unfortunately, I'm supposed to be there in a couple of hours and she has planned this whole dinner around things I told her were my favorites the first couple of dates...I don't feel like I can change much now without actually canceling but hopefully it won't be too much pressure and I can just say no? Without completely ruining things if things are going well?

 

It turns out she was also very nervous and there was nothing that was tried throughout the night until she walked me to the car and we had a goodbye kiss. I was also able to express my desire to keep things moving slowly, which she agreed to. I feel better about the entire situation now.

 

Thanks, everyone! I did feel some butterflies when we kissed and definitely afterwards. We are spending time together again later this week and I am really looking forward to it this time. Thanks for the support.