I'm 21 years old, and a virgin and I have been questioning my orientation for about 4 to 5 months. Since I was young, I've always been attracted to women, and I fantasize and masturbate a lot on women. I easily get nervous and aroused, when I am around attractive women. I have 2 romantic relationships when I was in high school but they did not last long and I did not even get to have a chance of sex with them, and after that I really did not have any relationships except for crushes during college. Since I have no relationships during college, to release my sexual tensions, I masturbate a lot to straight porn and lesbian porn almost everyday and it satisfied me. For years I have been sure of my sexuality and only notice attractive and sexy women, until one day, I saw pictures of half naked men, and it made me anxious because I find their faces good looking and their bodies hot, because I really don't notice members of the same sex like this before. Since then I started to question myself if I have been living my life a lie and the truth is that I am really gay on the inside. Since then my attraction to women seemed to decrease and I am starting to notice men, and the thought of it makes me anxious since then. My questions are: 1. Is it normal to find men good looking and hot? 2. Is it possible that I really am a repressed homosexual? What are your thoughts on this? I really want to get back to my normal life, I am afraid that my attraction to women would continue to decline and the worst is it won't come back. Thanks for reading
Given that you've been attracted to women for so long, I don't think you'd suddenly just lose those attractions. Instead, though, perhaps you're starting to become aware of attraction to other guys. To answer your first question: it's not abnormal. I've never really been attracted to girls... but I do notice good-looking and hot girls. I just don't really have any desire to do anything with them. As for your attraction towards women decreasing... At the risk of sounding crass, here's a parallel situation: I've always loved vanilla ice cream. One day, though, I realized that I also liked strawberry ice cream. With both in front of me, and my newfound liking for strawberry ice cream, I'd be more inclined to eat strawberry ice cream. As time passes, I'll become accustomed to liking strawberry ice cream, and so the disparity won't be as large or as forced. While I may end up settling on a preference, if I hadn't had a preference already, at the beginning it may be a bit wonky. in terms of my preferences. I hope that made sense.
Thank you for you reply, well i'm still sexually attracted to women but not as strong as before, and I am starting to notice members of the same sex, is it considered sexual attraction if i find other guys good looking (I never had thoughts of having sex with them i just find them good looking) but could this mean that deep inside i really am gay?
Technically, it's not sexual attraction if you don't get turned on and/or don't want to have sex with them or anything. I find women pretty and such, but that's the full extent of it. With that said, for many, attraction is not so easy or clear enough to define. Also, people need not either be gay or straight. Keeping it simple here, you could be bisexual, with a clear preference, or bisexual with no real preference. For now, just going with what feels right, without second-guessing yourself, and without worrying about how to define yourself with terms, could be helpful.
Again, thank you for your time to reply on this. True, I've been pondering whether I'm having sexual attractions to the same sex or not, and your reply has been helpful. This thought keeps me from dating women because i want to sort this out before doing anything.
just a suggestion - cut back on porn. I know it's very easier said that done, but I think at least for me and for a lot of others, continued porn use can cause desensitization. it becomes boring. and we start to loose interest in something that brought us a lot of joy. I don't think thinking a guy is attractive is a sign of anything. in fact I was reading a sports article the other day that was written solely on how good looking a hockey player was. what really helped hit home with me was the fact that I can not become aroused by viewing gay porn or fantisizing about sex with guys. also, looking at pictures of gay intimacy on tumblr or google was not appealing or didn't bring up any positive, desirable feelings. my advice: stop using porn
