i have recently (today) decided to stop ignoring the voice in my mind that has gotten louder, and louder, and louder telling myself i'm gay. i'm attracted to men and want to be sexually/romantically involved with a man. i am pretty sure i've always felt this way but buried it deep inside and didn't accept it because i have always perceived living life openly homosexual as much more difficult than being heterosexual. i feel i've always been so concerned with fitting in and unfortunately i felt like being homosexual would make it more difficult to do so. i feel strongly about this. in the past i would try to "psychoanalyze" myself and make excuses why i was heterosexual but having homosexual urges because of some outside factor. i just feel like that was the scared me inside trying to ignore the truth. i'm starting to accept that i'm gay but i keep doubting myself. my doubtful thoughts include: i've never been with a man - i don't know if i'll fit into the gay community in my area - i feel like i have had genuine romantic/sexual feelings for women, what do those feelings mean? what if i'm not devoid of them? - am i just over thinking because i'm scared?? i'm so unsure of where to go from here. if i'm gay what do i do now? if i'm gay i've lived my whole life up to this point going through the motions of a straight guy. i don't know where to go to meet guys...i don't feel like i know how to have sex anymore.
While I can't help you with finding other men, I can tell you this: don't worry about what society as a whole will think. Society as a whole is a picky little brat that will devour you bit by bit if you let it. Basically, don't focus on pleasing strangers, focus on yourself. Speaking of yourself, the best way to know is to experience the truth first hand. Maybe your first experience will be enlightening, maybe not. Maybe you'll decide this is just a phase, maybe not. Perhaps you really are gay; regardless of whatever ends up being your true orientation (when you figure out), you need to relax and enjoy your time. This decision may be life altering, but that doesn't make it life threatening Wherever your journey leads, I wish you good luck~
I must say I've felt pretty much the same way. Up until recently, I considered myself straight and put any same sex thoughts out of my brain, completely dismissing them and invalidating them. Really thinking about myself led me to no longing wanting to beat myself up for not being normal and just be myself, the way I was meant to be. It's not easy and I'm still working on it, but try not to worry so much about society. Living in "darkness" has made me realize that you can't put a price on inner peace and happiness. If we learn to love and appreciate ourselves enough, the outside world can't touch us and those pre-conceived notions of who we're supposed to be will fall away. I hope this helps.
Hey Keith, I just want to let you know that I've felt that way for a very long time. When I was a teenager I struggled so incredibly much with my sexual identity. I constantly tried to go push away the image of being gay and I had several relationships that always failed. I tried to present the image of being so heart broken i didn't want to be with anyone after I failed with relationships. (it wasn't hard when I focused the way i felt) So I can't tell you what your sexual identity is... but I do know that I felt the same way and I've enjoyed some sexual experiences, not with others, and failed to even "work" sometimes... I've already come to grips with the fact that I am gay and am struggling with how to actually... live gay. I think that it's important to identify yourself through what ever way you find you can because in my experience I SEVERELY regret not coming out in high school and getting involved in a club or something because I'm 20 now, when i was 19 I had one experience with a guy that i didn't really feel attracted to (out of desperation for an experience). So it definatly is harder living for a homosexual but it's definatly harder trying to live in an form of denial. The longer you wait the harder it gets, and its a journey only you can go on. I hope I could help a little bit
