Hey guys. This is my first post on EC, and glad to see so many people with similar situations. So here's my situation: I have had a rough idea that I'm into men and that I enjoy hanging around my dude friends. I've been experiencing these feelings ever since I was 15 or 16 years old, and I've never paid much attention to these feelings. Most of the time, I was just focused most of my time on school, career, hanging out with friends. Having interned and worked on Wall Street for the last 3 years, I take my academic and professional development very seriously, but that often left me with little time and energy to think about other things (80-90 hour work weeks...). I've always thought that if I am successful in my careers and life passions, I can simply put off my sexual identity until a later date... Who knows, maybe this gay thing is just a phase and I'll eventually be "normal" again as time passes by... Obviously, that "delay tactic" hasn't worked out. Recently, as my job has become a little more manageable and with more free time on my hands, these thoughts suddenly jumped back to the forefront of my mind. When I was in college 3 years earlier, I was curious and so I tried out a sexual encounter with a craigslist guy. I'll be frank: He's really nice and gentle, and it was hugely enjoyable at first, but the blowjob and sex were pretty bad. I came out of it, was turned off and never wanting to do it again... At the moment, I'm not really sure whether I'm bi, gay, or something else. In the last few weeks, I met this girl that I really wanted to go out with. Beautiful, smart, similar interests, great personality. Then doubts start to rise, and I'm holding off asking her out because: 1. I know I've been into guys also for years now. Whether I like it or not, I like to look at hot guys. My eyes naturally turn to these guys when I pass them on the street, in the office. The male body form is really quite beautiful Though honestly, I can't imagine ever dating or going into a relationship with guys. Even the thought of sex turns with guys turns me off. At the same time, I just really enjoy and appreciate the look of handsome guys and fit bodies. Ironically, this behavior only happens when I pass by strangers and people I don't know personally. I've rarely had sexual-oriented thoughts about my guy friends and guys I personally know well. To me, having a romantic relationship/sex with my guy friends is somewhat gross and repulsive no matter how hot they are. 2. Throughout the years, I've never had too many close female friends. I've also never made a real effort to get to know the girls I encounter. Most girls I meet are boring and completely devoid of any meaningful/interesting content. It's like meeting one of those female office secretaries with whom I can only have the most superficial conversations about the most mundane stuff. I have also met a handful of girls who are not like that - intelligence makes a girl instantly more sexy - but these girls are a rarity. On the other hand, I enjoy interacting with guys more, cuz we can actually have a real conversation about cool, bro stuff that I care about. In other words, I love bromance with my guy friends. This is also another reason why I've never gone into any serious relationship with a girl (or anybody) for the last 22 years of my life, because I just can't feel that "spark" with most girls I meet. If I don't feel the chemistry, I won't ask anyone out because that's the equivalent of lying to that girl and lying to myself. However, if a girl is interested in me and hit me, I won't say no That initiative alone makes the girl instantly irresistible... At the moment, I'm not so sure whether or not I should go after this girl I recently met. I just don't want to hurt her feelings if it actually turns out that I'm strictly gay and that my attractions to her are all made up in my head as justification for "not wanting to be gay." Some people on here often use the porn test to desperately prove that they are straight. It sounds kind of stupid, but here's my "test result": -I like watching straight porn, though I pay more attention to the guy and always fantasize myself in the guy's position f***ing the hot chick. Maybe this is where my gay urges come in? I don't necessarily want to screw with that dude- yes he is hot - I just want to be that guy's position, if that makes any sense... -I also watch gay porn occasionally once I've exhausted all my straight porn library. Still very hot, but not as turned on by it. -I have no feelings for lesbian porn. So, that was my story. Apologies for the extended explanations, but I feel that I have to write everything down and speak as objectively as possible. The bottom line is that I'm into dudes and the way guys look and conduct ourselves (not always in a sexual sense), but I also highly enjoy sex with girls. I don't like being gay, but I also don't mind confronting it if that is who I am. I'm into guys, like sex with girls, big deal. I just don't want to hurt other people in the process. I really want to hear what you guys think and how I should approach this situation.
You sound a lot like me in a lot of ways. I knew I wasn't 100% straight for a long time, but almost all my platonic relationships were with guys. I clam up in dating/romantic situations which is why my dating history is a very short one. And I definitely throw myself into my work at the expense of dating. Being bi means I can pretty much follow my gut/heart/other parts of my body (if you know what I mean) to anyone of any gender and stick with it if it feels right. That's my biggest piece of advice. Hope it helps
biwinning - thanks for the input. That's a practical piece of advice on being bi - keep your options open At this point, I know that I'm definitely not straight. Up until recently, I've always been self-rationalizing to myself that I can somehow remain straight and "normal." Then I finally came to the realization that self-rationalization and denial is just too tiring, too mentally exhausting, and simply an idiotic way to live my life. I'm still young and I have better things to do with my life than rationalize and deny all day. I also know that I'm not 50/50 Bi. I'm bi and I like looking at attractive guys AND going after girls I like. I can foresee myself hanging out more with guys, being more confident around guys I like, having more bromance, and maybe even getting more physical, but probably not sex or any long term relationship at this point. I also like being the "friend with benefits" with my female friends - sexual relationship with no long term commitments cuz I also enjoy the sexual experience with girls... all of this is really quite confusing. I guess this is just a rough summary of what I enjoy doing at this moment. I only wish that app developers can come up with an iOS or Android app that can instantly measure your percentage level of straightness/gayness. That'd make people's lives a lot easier :icon_bigg
You are just a boring bisexual, dude. Don't take offense to that, just saying what you experience isn't something unusual and you shouldn't be ashamed about it. Confusing, yes but I think with time you will become more comfortable and appreciate it more. Yeah you are not straight and you're definitely not gay, but you are not alone.
my question is - if you cant see yourself having sex with guys nor being in a relationship with one, then what makes you think your into guys "that way" ?
anon12 - One reason that I'm into guys is the taboo aspect of it: I'm really into straight-acting/straight-looking guys, and the fact that the subject is tabooed among straight men arouses me even more. That's why straight porn appeals to me so much. For whatever reason, the arousal and attraction immediately stops when I meet an openly gay man (no offense to anybody), no matter how attractive the guy is. I'm not sure how often this occurs among other gay/bi guys on this forum.
