Hi I'm mark I'm 16 and I'm... I know it says straight but actually I'm not so sure if I am. Ok let's start at the beinging(think I spelled that wrong) anyway, I've been pretty sure I liked girls since I was like 3 it some shit. I had crushes on girls since about kindergarten maybe sooner. In 10th grade I started being homeschooled which brought me a lot of problems. I started being obessesed with god, heaven, secret societies and other crazy shit. I have since gotten over all those problems. In May I started watching gay porn cuz I thought "hey how bad could it be?" It was not that bad at all. Once I was realized what i was watching I started looking for answers as to why I liked it considering I was straight. I found this thing called "hocd"( which I now know is bull) and used it as reasoning. At the start I was not attracted to guys outside of porn but as the months went on I started to. I'm thinking I'm bi based on my past and the fact that I fell in love with this girl the month before this started. It was like a week I was in love which sounds weird maybe it was puppy love who knows it felt real to me. It was the best week of my life she took all the stupid shit I was dealing with anyway. I was not thinking about about secret societies and dumb shit. I do find guys attractive I won't lie. I have gotten a boner or two to the thought of gay sex. I know thinking and doing are two different things tho. It so hard for me not to think constantly about this everyday. Sorry I'm gonna be a little over the place. I've never had a girlfriend not because I didn't just because I'm nervous to have one. Well I had one when I was 8( one of my friends asked cuz I was to scared to) I dated her for a day no joke and then broke it off cuz I was nervous about it. I guess that's why I liked that girl so much cuz she saying things no girl has ever said to me before. She was like calling me handsome and shit and I was like "what me?" Hearing was great for the guy that has cried himself because girls didn't like him. I do find guys attractive and I do get horny from the thought of gay sex( as I said before) . I do know that watching porn and fantasizing about it are not the same as if I were to go it in real life. The closest ive ever gotten to sex with a girl is a some sexts back and forth which I liked a lot. I nevèr gotten close to a guy like that, I peed with my friend and his little brother when I was 10 if that counts. I think I might be bi but I'm not sure if I'd up for sex with a guy in real life. It's all very confusing. I do obbesses about this quite a bit. I might have ocd not hocd cuz as I said that's utter bullshit. I would stick up my ass to see how I liked it but I have nothing to use and I don't want to injure myself. I'm not sure how I would like straight sex cuz I'm still a virgin. I think I should do that first to see if I like it. When I call myself bi I just want to watch bi porn nothing in real life. It's like any and evey situation turns into a sexual one. Sorry I'm all over the place can anyone help?
Hey Mark, It sounds from reading this post and your blog post that there's more self-doubt going on than just questioning your sexual orientation. You're 16--you have a lot of time to figure yourself out in terms of your sexual orientation, goals for the future, and the kinds of people you want to surround yourself with. Know that us here on EC are here for you if you have questions, but don't feel like you need to have everything answered right now.
Thanks for the advice. I wrote that post back in February btw way before I started questioning my sexual orientation.
Where'd my link go? ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2013 at 01:49 PM ---------- If you read this please reply. Any help is good help. ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2013 at 01:49 PM ---------- Thanks ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2013 at 02:02 PM ---------- ...
Um both I guess? I'm always looking at both to judge you I like more. ---------- Post added 28th Oct 2013 at 08:55 PM ---------- Um I don't go to public school anymore as I said above.
Sorry, I forgot about that part. Since you are just 16, you're still very young and have plenty of time to figure out who you're truly attracted to. At that age there can be a lot of conflicting emotions. I wouldn't worry about it so much and analyze everything. Just keep an open mind about things and let your thoughts/feelings go wherever they may. If you meet a girl that you fall for and hit it off then cool. If you come across a guy that you really fancy and it feels right and natural, then that's cool too. Things will become more apparent to you overtime. On another note out of curiosity, does kissing a guy or showing affection to one(holding hands/cuddling) sound appealing at all to you? What about the thought of having a boyfriend(whether people know it or not)?
What is it that would make you not up for it? Because it seems gross or wrong to you? Because of what people would think or say about you? Because no one around you would be accepting?
Nah it's just weird to me. A friend of my mine used to randomly hug me all the time and just didn't like it. I'll hug male family members but that's different.
Also to touch on another thing in your original post, putting something in your ass won't tell you anything on whether you would like male-male sex. Gay sex isn't all about anal. Some gays don't even like anal sex at all, lol. There are still many other things to do.
I see. You very well might be straight, but no can tell you what you are except yourself. There's nothing weird or unusual if you can appreciate seeing an attractive guy here and there. It doesn't make you gay. To me what would make someone gay is that they're attracted to the same sex not only physically, but emotionally as well, which as of right now doesn't seem to be the case for you. As I'm sure you've heard before, sexuality is a big spectrum and is not always black and white.
