Could this be some sign?

Erm... verrrryyyyy tenuous at best, in short. Feeling guilty because of that might actually be a result of you stressing over your sexuality so much. The saying goes "if you tell a lie enough times you'll start to believe it". Something similar can go on here I guess, if you keep thinking you are gay then you will get anxious around anything remotely "gay" (However remote) and even perhaps have intrusive gay thoughts.

Also with porn there are a lot of variables to consider. You could have been turned on by the way she was doing it, empathetic arousal from the guy, or it could just be that you found the dick attractive- which is not to say you're gay. Yes, you can find dicks attractive without necessarily being gay (though I'd think that's in the minority).

If this has been a trend for a long time (2 months plus I'd say), you've started to prefer gay porn over straight, or you notice/fantasise about guys without porn, those are signs, but ignore something as small as this basically. Unless it's been going on for a while.

 

Basically what Chip said. I won't say porn isn't an indicator, but don't base your ideas solely off it because it's just not reliable enough. I really don't think "testing" yourself with various types of porn will get you anywhere very quickly, so try fantasising without porn or look at what's happening on the street with RL guys. Are your eyes wandering over to the dudes or are they staying firmly on the chicks? That can be a sign, and a better one than porn at that from what I've heard.

You've posted about this a lot as well... is it possible for you to get counselling, because it's taking you a while to calm down over this. What exactly is it that gets you worked up (homophobia or the not knowing, etc.)? I know it can be very stressful, and I still get days where I get irritated or saddened by these kinds of questions but I've kind of learned to just take it as it comes. Learning to have this "it is what it is" mentality and not stress over it is imo just as if not more important than the conclusions you draw.

 

You might not be a homophobe in the conventional sense but have internalised homophobia. In other words a strong fear of being gay yourself.

For all intents and purposes, you're straight from what I've heard. You don't find guys in porn arousing, you've never looked at guys, you've never felt the need to question before, and it all originated from T-porn- which is like watching women, just with male anatomy obviously. Granted, you might not be 100% straight but... so what? Your "gay side" appears to be negligible basically. You sound as though you'd be quite happy having straight relationships, so why worry? As long as you're happy, what does it matter whatever you end up being?

 

Sounds more like a sign of you being afraid of the idea that you might have any kind of attraction whatsoever for a guy, rather than a sign that you actually do.

I started having sex with guys when I was 10. With friends my age. Most of them were straight. But they had enough of an attraction that they could enjoy playing around. But there was never any kissing or anything like that. No affection. Even as an adult, I have fooled around with straight friends. I guess you could say that they were bi to some degree but the romantic feelings and that sort of thing were never there. The idea of kissing was a big yuck, turn off for them.

So what I am saying is that it is possible to have sexual attractions, on some level, to guys, and not only NOT be gay, but barely qualify as bi.......if you know what I mean. So knowing this, what you might do is just explore a little bit. Look at some guys. Different types of guys. And see if you could imagine actually doing something that you could enjoy a little. And keep in mind, no matter what you discover, it will not change your orientation at all. You could not possibly make yourself gay, or lose any of your attractions to the opposite sex. It could only add to what is already there.....which may be *some*....but not particularly all that much. I think if there was a lot there, you would already know.

 

Well, usually people come to the conclusion that they might be gay after faced with substantial evidence, but in your case, you seem to be jumping to the conclusion and seeking confirmation where there might not be any at all. What exactly made you start questioning in the first place? A crush on a male? Sex with men? Lack of interest in women? Fantasies?

I remember a while back you were making threads left and right, asking if this meant that, and everyone told you to see a therapist, basically, and that your issue was out of our control. It wouldn't hurt, at this point, if you haven't. Another thing might be to stick around the LGBT community and meet others to fight your internalized homophobia. If you turn out to be straight after all, hey, we've gained another enlightened soul and possible ally, and that can never be a bad thing...

 

He's right, the fact that you have internalized homophobia could be hindering towards your way to finding it out; it was the same with me and while I am still uncertain as to weather or not I am bi or some sort of fluid sexuality (still coming to grips on wheather that is the case for me or not) but it did help quite a bit. Just know that whatever natural feelings you have, it is great to know that they are real, natural and right for you personally just as much as personally right for those who do as well.

 

Well, suppose I told you, "Yes, you are absolutely gay." How would you react at first? If it's with fear, anger, disbelief, or any form of negativity, basically, it's a form of internalized homophobia. The point isn't to prove whether you are or you aren't, but to be OKAY with the idea of yourself, regardless of orientation, which is easier said than done, a lot of times. Like someone else said, you could be okay with others being gay, but not with the idea of you being so.

Again... most gay men aren't into transsexuals at all.. you'd think a penis is a penis is a penis, but the fact that the person it's attached to is a woman is a turn off. Perhaps you are on the straighter side of bisexual, but does it really matter how you choose to label yourself, if at all? You've lived your whole life without obsessing over them, so why start now? You like transsexual porn, great. That doesn't mean a thing; there are lesbians who watch gay male porn, and gay men who watch heterosexual porn. Now, if there's more to the story you're not telling us, perhaps the journey isn't over just yet, but for now, I'd say you're moving a bit too fast.. so relax, and realize that what you watch isn't going to turn you into something you're not.

 

Being bi doesn't mean a 50/50 split in preferences. You could still be bi yet like girls much more than you like guys. Say you liked 90/10 girls/guys. You'd still technically be "bi" but like girls far more than guys, perhaps to the point you might as well label as straight. That's the kind of thing people mean when they say "straight-leaning bi".

Your hypothetical response to "you're gay" seems to show some internalised homophobia. It seems to me as though you can't cope with the idea of being gay and so you use the porn to assure yourself that you remain straight. But as we've said before, that test doesn't always work.

These things have a way of working themselves out anyway. You can think about it all you want, try to rationalise what's happening, but in the end time and experience will show you what you like and don't like. FWIW, I'll say again that you seem straight to me.

 

You wouldn't necessarily know about having an attraction like that if your attractions have always been overwhelmingly toward girls. It would be overshadowed by all of that. And from what it sounds like, you are not even sure if you actually have any attractions like that at all.....which to me means that if you do, they are so minor that you would have to try to even find out if you do. So that's what I meant by "experimenting". Just thinking about it. That's all. Fantasy. Like you were already talking about doing.

Edit: in any event, I certainly hope that you are not worried about this. I mean really! This is nothing to be concerned about. Your sexual orientation will not change. And you already know that you are primarily straight. That is etched in stone and will never change.

 

Alright, look, if you have to force yourself to be aroused by and get off to something, you're probably not into it; doubly so if it's done just to prove a point. As far as experimenting with boys as a youngster, it's supposedly a lot more common than you'd think, and chances are, there are a lot more who've done it than there are of those who grew up to be gay. The truth is most went on to live normal straight lives, while a good number of homosexuals had little to no early contact with same-sex peers. If you are and have always been primarily attracted to women, straight should suffice... bisexual gets a bad reputation within LGBT circles, unfortunately, since a lot of self-identified bisexuals use the term as a stepping stone before accepting their same-sex attractions and coming out later as gay. Try not to be something you're not, because you'll end up causing yourself more pain and confusion in the end.