So i found a therapist to discuss these type of issues. Im coming to the conclusion im bi. I like to have sex and relationships w men. I like looking at women on tv etc. and I know when a woman is hot.However i have no motivation to want relationships with women.Is that what being bi is?
being "bi" is a general term which usually refers to both romantic and sexual orientations simultaneously. It sounds like you have a more distinct line between the two: you're romantically interested in men, but sexually interested in women.
Perhaps you're just noticing a woman's attractiveness then. It doesn't seem like you're really bi since you're not interested in woman other than noticing their looks but have no further desire for them. In a similar case, a lesbian could notice a man's attractiveness, but not actually have any romantic/sexual interest in him.
I personally don't think that thinking someone is hot or beautiful by itself means much. I think it's natural for any guy to be able to recognise another guy is good looking - straight or gay or bi.
I think you need to starting "owning" your sexuality and to not try to kid yourself into being something you are not. My guess is you are surrounded by horny hetero guys on a daily basis who talk constantly about how hot women are and how they like to do "stuff" with them. You know you can't relate and you hate the idea of being "different." So you are trying to notice women the way they do.... And it's failing. I know man, I know the feeling. I experience it everyday and it takes time to be comfortable with yourself. You want to be like them but deep down you are not. I think you need to find a gay friend similar to you. Not a stereotypical one, but one that is like your average guy. You can talk about sports, wrestling, and what you guys "like" ...... GUYS. On a side note, I do know guys who are actually bi. Most tend to have preferences, but they always feel sexual attraction towards both. From what you wrote, women fail to arouse you. I think I can conclude from that you are not comfortable accepting yourself as a gay man in a hetero dominated world. You are trying to compromise and cling to the idea you are not fully gay.
CM hit the nail on the head. I am an athlete and dont like to feel weird when theres locker room talk about the latest hot chick. when im by myself it happens to but i think i notice women like that because i trained myself to. When i was 16 until about last yr i always wondered why i had to make myself be attracted to women . So basically i talked myself into thinking of wonen sexually even though my body has zero motivation to want women. It was alot of work. This is stupid but i literally sat with a playboy magazine everynight until i was sexually aroused ( as a teen). So i am thinking that this is residue from that. I am fully ready to say hey im gay and im still a man but that part of me is confusing me. I kinda feel that by denying who i was earlier on in life and basically brain washing myself i made this process ten times harder. I want to be comfortable being a gay masc man, but as long as that thought is there that i like women a little i cant commit . I always wonder if thats a sign that im not suppossed to be gay and i just am angry at women for not liking meAm i putting my family and myself through this for no reason. When i told my mom she cried and asked why she can never have a normal life. She wants grandchildren and i am an only child so the name will not carry on so i feel very guilty. Im so confused. So now that maybe ive understood whats happening here how do i be fully comfortable with being gay ?
It's not easy (for anybody) to sort through these feelings! You need to separate what you want to feel from what you actually feel. Do you want to be attracted to women so badly that you're unsure, or are you actually feeling something when you look at them? That's a question only you can answer; while we can help you, we can't answer it for you. It seems to me like you want to find comfort in everyone being comfortable with your orientation, but unfortunately, you can't just wait for everybody to like you so you can be happy to be who you are. Don't let the reactions of other people keep you from being happy or being who you are, whether that's gay, straight, bi, or anything else! (*hug*)
See thats the thing no i really dont want to be attracted to women, it just happens almost like i said earlier that i talked myself into it during my denial process that my brain just goes to that . Its weird i dont know of any straight guys have to talk themselvs into liking women. I had crushes as a kid on girls but it was because that was what was normal and all the other guys did. I did ask a girl out my very first time and she humiliated me when i was 16.However that was a struggle in itself because i made myself ask her to make gay thoughts that i thought were wrong go away. I was devestated but i dont know why. then about ten yrs later after i relaxed i started watching gay porn and it went from there. To this day i dont even watch straight porn at all. I think im gay but its gonna take alot of time to undue the damage i did to myself during my denial period
Things like this do take time! Don't be worried about having to figure it all out before you go to bed tonight! It's nice to know the answers to all the questions, but take the time you need to figure it all out. Denial is a hard state of mind to work yourself out of, especially if you've been in it for years. You said you found a therapist. Talk to them about it, see what they have to say! A trained professional can give you things to think about, or help you see your situation in a different light. Just remember: you'll get there! It might take a lot of deep thought and uncomfortable conversations, but as long as you try to work on it, it'll get better!
I think i need to accept myself as a gay man bottom line. Yes it does take time. I do think that by talking myself into having sexual thoughts about women during my teens I have some residue. I was probably always gay because i never really had that sexual drive to want women. Saying im bi is a cop out because im not comfortable with that either. I was miserable the last 35 yrs of my life, I just want to be me now and be happy. I always worry about pleasing others instead of being true to myself
