Hi guys, Help much appreciated so I need to be completely honest with myself in a way i never thought would. its been an interesting year: On new years day i had an 'experience' with a guy for the first ever time and it was amazing!! Yeah I was drunk but it was impulsive and it felt right. Honestly, I always knew I liked guys, but never admitted it and tbh until 2011 I had issues with my appearance that overtook any thought of relationship either way and sort of over took sexuality. I watched straight porn, but if the guy wasnt hot, I wouldn't watch it. I can't actually remember when I first watched gay porn but anyway i still didnt admit to myself i was gay until i got with that guy. So I joined EC in January as my first step to accepting myself. I've been through wanting to come out to the last thing on my mind. For ages I thought I can't move on until i tell my parents and i was excited about telling them, I met a few guys online that never came to anything. I'd be at work (busy supermarket) and see so many guys i'd fancy and was just sort of happy that I knew who I was but wasn't ready to tell anyone. Then in September just after I got back from my lads Holiday I met a guy called Liam, we've texted or video chatted/phone called nearly every day since then, probably been about 5-6 weeks. Great right? Then why do i feel sooo scared? I don't seem to be attracted to anyone anymore or actually I do but I almost feel shit for it? I also feel like before i convinced myself that i wasnt in to guys. Now, its like when I see a pretty girl, I'm hiding any admiration for her. Also every time i speak to Liam like video chat, I get nervous! why?? Sometimes I think, do I really like him? But then when he wasnt speaking to me much while he was ill, I was like aaaargghhh I wanna talk to him! And I think about him everyday, bit I'm so scared! We're both in the Closet but he's told a few friends and he's studying acting sings a lot and likes musicals, so basically I think him coming out is easier than mine. I just feel like I'm going a step back I'd like to say I don't care what people think but I guess I do. How come now i'm sort of in a relationship i'm more petrified and confused than ever?? Help please x
Don't be embarrassed, it seems like you are still figuring things out. Most people don't charge headfirst out of the closet. You've made significant steps in finding who you are, but it takes time. As you experience more things, you will become more comfortable. Don't be scared by the doubts, I experienced the same thing. I would think about everything so much that I became overwhelmed and tricked myself into thinking I wasn't gay (but I always knew I was). Just take a moment, breathe, and know that everything is going to be okay
thanks but its not a case of trying to convince myself im straight its just doubt that im not? sometimes i feel like im convinving my self to be gay. Its like i was one side of a brick wall got to the top and fell off the other end? do you understand what i mean?
Based off the information you gave me, I think its reasonable to say that you are gay (if not at least bisexual). Why is it so difficult to believe you are gay? There's nothing wrong with it. If you weren't gay, you wouldn't be going to these lengths to establish a relationship.
