Could someone explain what demisexual means? I recently came out to a friend of mine (basically came out as "confused.") She then suggested that I am something along the lines of biromantic demisexual, or pan-something. I'm wondering what demisexual actually would entail, and whether it sounds like me. I have been considering myself bisexual, or maybe biromantic asexual, or panromantic/sexual/something. As you can see, not all that clear. Background: I've never actually been in a relationship with anyone. In elementary school, I would decide each year on a boy to have a crush on, because my favorite book characters all had crushes, etc. I didn't really really like them, per se. But I could still see myself, i think, ending up with a guy? maybe? I like to look at girls, i like to draw them and imagine them. I am kinda-sorta crushing on a girl at my school, but I can't tell how romantic/sexual it might be, or whether it's more admiration/infatuation, which I've kind of experienced before. I could see myself dating one, but past that--I draw a blank. I am slightly afraid of sex with anyone, but more so with boys, definitely. And it's not the first thing I'd look for in a relationship, for sure, i think. In eighth grade, when I started really questioning all this sexuality stuff, I wondered if I could be convincing myself that I was bi/lesbian/etc because I "wanted" to be. Is there such a thing? Some days I would think, no, I'm not really lesbian, I just want to think I am. other times i would think, no way am i straight. Since then, I've decided to fall in the middle, but it still bothers me. Anyway, what I really want to know is, a) what is demisexuality and does my friend sound like she's right about that? b) how can I find out; I would like to have a girlfriend and I would like to actually have real experience. I don't really know how to start, because I'm the type who stays out of the dating stuff and makes snarky comments from the sidelines. I hope there is a grain of sense in all of this. thank you.
Being demi means that you have to form a strong emotional bond with somebody before you can experience sexual attraction. So, basically, you have to know somebody for a long time before you feel like having sex with them. Really though, it sounds like I could've written this post. Right now, I see myself as a panromantic asexual. I have emotional attractions to all genders, but I have really, really rare sexual attraction. I too, am usually on the sidelines of the dating game. So, I can't help you there. We can cheer on the sideline together..lol
I'm starting to realize that finding the exact word for your sexuality and/or gender identity or anything like that is like finding the exact word that describes the highschool clique you fit in. Are you a binerdjock band geek? or a cheerleader monoemo? or maybe just a simple bookworm? No one would ever stress out about what clique they fit into, or what clique they were born to be. What difference would it make? None, you just go on living and doing the things you want. Sure it's interesting that there are so many specific terms to describe different sexual orientation tendencies, but if you can't find the exact right word for you, who cares? You're still you. Just be you. Do your thing. Go on with life. I guess one thing to consider is what to tell people when they ask, but just saying "bi" tends to be a good round answer if you don't feel like spending the time to explain your personality and sexual/romantic tendencies.
