I'm biologically female. I'm nineteen and between high school and college. I've only ever kissed one person in my life. She was my best friend. I've never done anything sexual. Until tonight. And it was with a dude...and in public sort of. He's one of my closest friends, or at least he was. He's also never done anything, which I'm pretty sure i believe because he's very honest and I told him I didn't care. I actually haven't talked to him or anyone else that much lately. But today I woke up very horny and felt like I needed to finally do something. And so I did. I scheduled a movie "date" with him feeling like something was definitely going to happen. There were only two other people in the theater who were a few rows in front of us. For about the first half of the movie we just awkwardly sat there. Then we held hands. We kissed. We made out (a first for me). It continued to escalate pretty quickly after that. To groping and stroking all the way up to me giving him a handjob/blowjob as discreetly as possible. Let's just say we didn't finish the popcorn and threw it away right when we got out of the theater. I've never been very attracted to him. I was fired up and ready though. He was nothing but nice, and he didn't pressure me at all. But I didn't enjoy one second and I've felt nauseous and disgusted with myself since (this all occurred about 3 hours ago). As soon as I got home, I changed clothes, brushed my teeth, and scrubbed everywhere he had touched me. That made me feel better. The biggest issue right now is that I think he is expecting more. As in a relationship (emotional, sexual, all that). I have no idea what to say to him. I would really appreciate any advice or comments. Edit: I also didn't let him touch me down under. I felt really uncomfortable with even the thought of that.
This could probably be considered more of a one night stand. While I might be hard for him to hear this, you should try to tell him the truth before you end up leading him on too far. Be gentle, but make sure he understands; I know it won't be easy, but things can get much worse.
What were you taught about sex growing up? That it was bad? Dirty? Only for procreation between a man and a woman only? Did you have any sex education again all?
That sounds confusing and frustrating (*hug*) Were you feeling bad afterward because he was a guy, or because you felt guilty about the way everything happened? Either way, please firmly and honestly defend your boundaries, whatever they are, no matter what his expectations are. You made him sound like an understanding person, and if he doesn't understand... he's definitely not worth being friends with.
