I've been told, and I've read on here, that some people get to a point where their orientation no longer becomes a big deal or as big of a deal as it was to them years, months, days, etc. ago. How do I get to that point quicker? I feel like every time I am thinking about something, reading something, being around people or talking to people, my mind always drifts to thoughts like, "What if this person doesn't know I am gay?" "How will this person react if I am gay?" "Do I look too gay today?" "Does this person possibly know another person who they would tell I am gay?" "What if everyone can tell?" I just feel naked, like people can see right through me. Even though I don't mind them if they're strangers who are guessing or whatever, but it makes me uncomfortable when I think about it. I just no longer want to constantly think about stuff like this. >.< :help:
When I struggled with social anxiety my therapist had me go to the mall and sit down on a bench and just people watch. She had me pay attention to how many people actually looked at me for more than just a glance. It's sort of humbling and relieving when you realize most people barely see you. YMMV but it's worth a shot!
How I got to the point of seeing being gay as not a big deal anymore was by stopping myself from caring what other people thought/might think. If someone does think I'm gay, guess what, I am! Thanks for noticing! You just have to get comfortable in your own skin and be true to yourself. You are gay and that's not going to change. If someone does have a fleeting thought about you being gay, they most likely won't even say anything anyways. I learned it's just not worth the time worrying about stuff like that.
I can totally remember the feeling of being naked. That's vulnerability, which is actually a healthy thing, in terms of simply deciding to be who you are and let yourself be seen. There's no instant solution, it simply takes time for your unconscious to love and accept you as you are, and reject the images and messages you've heard from society and media. One thing that can help, though it can be really scary, is immersing yourself... just taking the plunge and committing to telling as many people as you can (whether directly, or by wearing a rainbow bracelet or pride shirt or something), and joining and immersing yourself in activities where there are a lot of other gay people around. The more you see others like yourself being themselves, the easier it will become for you.
Thank you people for your advice! I really appreciate it and will try it out when the opportunities arise. I hope it works as fast as I really want it to. :S
