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I hate this

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SilverMist111, Oct 31, 2013.

  1. SilverMist111

    Regular Member

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    I used to to think I was bi. I'm not so sure anymore.

    I've only ever really fallen in love with and really cared about two people. One was a guy and one was a girl. The attraction was to the point where I really liked them as people on the inside, and not just on the outside, but also thought they were incredibly hot. I used to fantasize about them a decent amount too, both pretty much equally but maybe the guy a bit more because I was closer to him and knew him for longer.

    Besides these two, I am attracted to both girls and guys pretty much equally (in a particular environment the scales might tip though lol) but when I fantasize about people they are usually girls...

    I really want to get rid of these unsure feelings though...

    Whenever I'm home alone, in bed right before going to sleep, in the shower, etc. thoughts about his overwhelm me and I want to face them but I just don't know how...

    I've also distanced myself from people a lot... my mother and the mother of one of my best friends thought we were fighting...(we weren't, I just don't talk to her so much anymore...) and another one of my best friends asks why I've been such a loner recently... and whenever someone hugs me or touches me in any way, I feel really uncomfortable and freeze (I never used to be like this...)

    Also,I tend to get irritated and frustrated really easily, though I'm usually like this, even more so.

    I just really need to figure this out or else I don't think I can take this anymore...

    Sorry for the tl;dr post.
     
  2. MoyashiAlice

    Full Member

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    Hi~
    You remind me a bit of myself. I have had two crushes in my life, one on a girl the other a guy. I used to be more open, but during high school distanced myself a lot and became really uncomfortable with women touching me in any way. (Before, I used to only dislike being tapped/hugged/etc by a guy) High school was when I had many mental disorders and had to come to term with the fact that I was bi.

    From what you described, I would say that you are feeling the way you do since you are recognizing your sexuality. You are likely feeling nervous and afraid, and judging by your response you are like me; a person who need to be alone in order to think better.

    Don't worry, things will get better when you come to terms with who you are completely. If you ever want to talk, just send me a message. :slight_smile: