Alright, so lately i've been questioning my oritnetaion. Not so much questioning as just thinking it over, mulling it, if you will. It really all started when a few of my close friends came out as bi and one of them asked a group of my friends what we were. All of them girls, all said straight. And it was then i realised, i'd never really thought about it before. I kind of wished he wasn't going to ask me so i changed the subject, because i felt i would be lying if i said i was straight. I wouldn't consider myself bi either, really. I don't like to talk about this out loud because i always think i just sound like a stupid little girl. I'll try and be short and put this in bullet points: I remember being alittle girl and being turned on by women as well as men, thinking women were much more stunning i remember not really thinking any guys are 'hot' i find it uncomfortable to watch two straight people kiss i find yaoi and gay sex in novels ect much more interesting than any straight porn (not it is two guys, i haven't really watched any lesbian sex in media) I feel women are just more attracitve than men in general I feel more comfortable around girls I was recently in a relationship with a guy and i just felt always uncomfortable and kind of like a doll, like i was just kind of there. I felt more comfortable being his friend I feel more comfortable being friends with guys than anything else I went on a date with another guy and was perpetually nervous the whole time to the point where i felt physically nauseous i have never liked a girl in the way i have had crushes on guys. But i don't think i'd really want to act on my crushes I have had no experience with anyone. I didn't want either guys i went out with to kiss me at all. Ever i feel that being in a relationship with a girl like me would be so much easier when my friends come over to stay, every time, if they are a girl and we're sleeping in the same area, everytime i will wake up in some kind of entangled position with them, that is all my doing (this may not tie in with what i'm saying but i still thought it ought to be said) when staying over with friends who are girls, when it gets really late at night and we've been talking for hours i feel like, entangled with them, if you know what i mean by this. Like fuzzy, no matter how cheesy that sounds. With guys, i just feel uncomfortable and can't tell them anything, especially the guy i went out with i can't even believe i'm going to say this but i am anyway. In masturbation, i prefer friction to penetration. See, trying to be honest. However, sometimes i think i'm just being stupid and stop talking. But i know i need to face this because it's always been in the back of my head. However, i am not rushing into an answer because i feel that people who rush out and tell people a label without really thinking about who they are, what they feel and what they are comfortable with are completely insulting to people who truly struggle with this issue. It's not that i don't think about sex with a guy. Not that i want it at all, but i do think about it sometimes. Relationship wise, however, i just seem to be drawn more towards girls than guys because i feel that, if i dated a girl like me, it'd just kind of be like we're friends This may seem disjointed and i'm sorry if it is, but i just want to see what you all think. It's very late at night for me and late nights seem to make me completely honest Thank you for anything you can say and thank you for ever reading my god, thank you for that alone :eusa_clap
What is dating if not having sex with a friend? Or at least that's the ideal form... Have you ever imagined yourself dating a girl? Or anyone for that matter? If you had to choose between two people who are exactly the same in their personality, would you pick the boy or the girl?
Honestly i'm not sure i think i'd say the girl but i'd have to know them to know for sure i have dated a guy and i was uncomfortable i often daydream to a point where i complete faze out, and i'm often in a relationship with a female, one that's lasted maybe 2+ years, in my early to late 20's I used to imagine myself not dating a guy, but being in the phase beforehand
It is quite confusing and from what you say right here it does mean ultimately that you have every right to be confused; you found gay sex much more stimulating in stories yet you think aesthetically wise, women look better but most of your sexual and emotional attention goes on men but that just constantly brings nothing to the table considering you never wanted to get close! :S However there are some things I could say that you do not necessarily have to worry about; first getting tangled up with a person you were sharing a bed with; common sense: unless you cuddled up next to them in bed before you fell asleep and you are a squirmer in bed while you sleep; I would easily say this means nothing. That feeling of being in a relationship would be easier with another woman is quite common in women who have had bad relationships and claim that they sometimes wish that it would be easier for them or else they go lesbian thinking that since they get along better with their female friends they;d be happier in a relationship with them but sexuality does not really work like that unless you're exclusively one sided. Not liking it when a guy is nervous is normal; in fact it could mean that you're not into the nervous type and you just absolutely detest it, it's alright everyone has their tastes; my only option for you... Try dating another woman and see how you like it. You could be Demi-Homosexual; meaning you can only love someone if you knew something personal about them and liked what you learned.
Those are interesting points granted i did write this very late at night to try and find out what people think of the situation. I do need to clear up one thing, however, he wasn't nervous, i was. Also, while i do like your suggestion of dating another woman, i'm in high school. I just feel i'd be downright a slap in the face to the people who actually want to date girls etc. Your point of Demi-Homosexuality is very interesting, as my exboyfriend did tell me that he had previously had 18 girlfriends and been given and performed oral sex before he told me he loved me which, i didn't want to learn.
If the other girls feel offended by you wanting to date another girl despite you dating men in the past then I must question if their elitist's. Because some know from early on, others need to find out in time, some people after dating a few times would probably start thinking and coming to the conclusion that they might be homosexual. So I would not worry about their negative opinions, if they have any; screw them. (metaphorically and literally. :lol: ) But seriously; if they judge you, tell them what you went through to come to this if they judge you and they should understand.
ADDITIONAL NOTES: I had a boyfriend, and didn't really want him to touch me at all in any way that suggested anything other than sitting and talking. Holding hands; fine. Sex, pregnancy and birth scare the living shit out of me when it comes to guys. Also, i have to add, a girl i was very close to recently told me she had a crush on me for a very long time, and alot of the things my boyfriend told me, she told me through him, the things she'd wanted to say when she couldn't ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2013 at 08:25 AM ---------- I'm kind of overwhelmed by how nice all of you are here I was afraid i'd be called stupid but those are some very good points, and i will consider this as an option to help
I hang around alot of girls who are bi and one in particular is especially touchy-feely and kisses me alot on the check and honestly, i like it was better than when my exboyfriend used to kiss me on the hand. It's like there's something else there, when she kisses me. And, honestly, sometimes i want to grab her and kiss her back,but i won't because she has a boyfriend. She's kind of gone through the same thing with another friend, a close friend of mine who was really mad at me for a few weeks when i talked to her about this on two seperate occasions because she thought i was faking.
