Let me start by saying that its great that people are willing to take some time to help people with a their problems, with that being said here is mine haha. To start out let me describe myself a lilttle bit. I'm a 21 yr old male who never really had alot of confidence with the ladies, despite the fact that I'm decent looking I guess...Anyways I didn't exactly have easiest childhood despite my blessings which lead me to grow up timid, shy, and kind of lost about who I am. I've never had real relationship so I'm really inexperienced with the ladies which leads me to doubt myself, my sexual drive, etc. I love girls inside and out. I can easily emotionally connect with a female and I love their looks as well, but since I have no experience at all whenever I find myself in a situation to have sex or hook up I get all nervous and its like my body stops working. Its like a lose all drive and try to remove myself from the situation. I guess its because I'm worried about my unexperience and how I would perform. I keep telling myself that everyone has to start somewhere and that sometimes I can't always focus on negative thoughts. Another thing is that whenever things dont work out with a girl I like I take it really hard and it depresses the shit out of me. But i just dont know how to enjoy life when I feel incapable of successfully doing anything. leading to my story. Ive always been attracted primarily to girls, outside of the situation being with a girl seems natural but when its go time its like I'm useless. Im just terrified of rejection and failure I guess. and I think I have performance anxiety. Once I realized a couple of yrs ago that I had performance anxiety I thought I was gay or something (I have no problem with gay people btw). I figured, if i cant do this then I must not like it deep down which bothered me. From that point on I developed some type of paranoia which involves me checking to see if im aroused everytime im around any male no matter how old or good looking. its really weird. Its especially weird when I'm around my friends. I keep asking myself if im truly attracted to my friends even though I cant see myself being with a man nor see myself acting on these random thoughts that pass in and out of my head. I think that deep down I'm just attracted to the attention I receive from people (in this case males) because everyone wants to feel important and accepted right? The random fantacies that pass in and out seem arousing but are not when actually acted on (Ive had a guy hit on me in real life and I felt extremely uncomfortable) It seems like I got some wires crossed or something haha. Ive always been a stressed out person and tend to blow everything out of proportion with the worst case scenario in mind. I've talked a little bit about this issue more in depth with my previous post and got some good responses on what I should do, but things are easier said then done. I dont want to seem like a drama queen but these thoughts for the past couple yrs have become constant and bring a great deal of stress which leaves me mentally exhausted and are ruining my life. I dont want to waste my youth worrying about things that could be absolutely normal and miss out on who life has to offer me. I would really appreciate it if people who have had a similar experience respond. But either way I feel better that I find a way to vent and get things off my chest a little bit.
