Hey guys, I am new to this community, and posting here to get some advice hopefully from some guys with similar confusions as mine. I am 26yrs, male and have been gay-curious since a long time (late teens) though never really tried anything with a guy. I have had no boyfriends and 2 girlfriends and have been sexually active with the 2nd (current) one. We are going through a rough patch coz I am questioning my orientation (she knows about it) and sex hasn't really been great. She has been really supportive and she loves me, and I am also romantically attracted to her and like spending time with her. But sexually, she (or any girl, really) does not excite me as much as guys do. And I sort of feel like I am not being fair to my sexuality and an asshole to her by still being in a relationship with her. At the same time, I really do not see myself being in a romantic relationship with a guy... maybe that will change in the future... I don't know! And I don't know how can I come to know. At this point, I am pretty certain that I am at least somewhat gay... but am I enough gay that I would want to spend my life with a guy? At this point I don't think so. But my experience in bed with my girlfriend makes me think maybe I am meant to be with a guy... or maybe I am sexually gay but romantically straight (in which case I don't know what to do!)... or maybe sex just scares the shit out of me... I don't know :-/ I once tried a craigslist hookup with a guy which ended up in a disaster. I was far from being turned on... in fact I was so nervous that I barged out of the door in 5 mins. I don't know what to infer from this experience in light of the rest of my story. Any thoughts?
Well this is just me, but if I met a random stranger and was supposed to have sex with them later I doubt I'd have made it out of my bedroom door let alone to the meeting place, so I wouldn't necessarily read too much into that. Especially since from the rest I get the feeling that you're not really in to hookups anyway! (correct me if I'm wrong). So lets think about your current relationship for a minute. So emotionally, what is it you like about your relationship? What do you DO with your GF (not sex) that you like? What do you FEEL when you are with your GF? Now could you find any of those things with a guy? If not, why not?
Hey plaiddesign, welcome to EC! I remember trying something new and scary and felt so uncomfortable that I simply walked out. Don't let that deter you or lead you to certain conclusions...you got that far because something is there, you just weren't ready. It's good that she knows, and amazing that she is so supportive. It's also good that you're young still and that you are taking this seriously. For years, I could not imagine myself in an emotional relationship with a man, it's what kept me married for 20 years. But then, one very quiet night, during which I was still questioning, the thought of being with a guy in that way struck me as being so right. Try this experiment: wake up tomorrow morning and imagine that you are gay. There's no questioning, you are certain. Live with that thought for a couple of days, examine your feelings, notice who you're looking at, notice your thoughts and feelings... After a couple of days, revert to being straight and do the same thing...you may find some answers in the comparison... Keep us posted on your adventure, there are a lot of helpful people here!
I think you are right that I am not really made for hookups. So maybe I shouldn't read too much into that craigslist experience. With my GF, I like that we share a lot of interests and like doing stuff together. We have some other issues and concerns about the future (me being an Indian and she an American citizen) but I really enjoy the time I spend with her and I feel that we have a connection and an understanding of each other. I don't know if I can find any of those things in a guy. Maybe I can... maybe I just need to try it. ---------- Post added 5th Nov 2013 at 10:14 PM ---------- Thanks for your advice! I will try to do as you suggested. I think I already know part of the answer to your question. I do look at guys. And find some of them sexually appealing. And I do look at girls... and think that 'she is beautiful', 'she is so charming... so intelligent...', 'I want to hang out with her'. I can't remember the last time I looked at a girl and felt like I want to touch her.
