I have always thought I was interested in guys, but lately my reactions to them seem like Im not interested in them. This is going to be long! I'm 19 and I've never been in a relationship. I had my first crush on a guy in elementary school. Later in high school someone liked me and I thought I was interested, but anytime something got close to happening (emotionally or physically in this case), I would feel physically nauseous or just really nervous, and I would feel the urge to leave. Eventually (although it took me a while), I got used to being close with him physically, but that was only once I knew that he wasn't interested I went on a date with a guy, and we talked a lot (there was zero lull in conversation), but we saw a movie at his house we literally sat on opposite sides of the couch, and when we took a walk later we never held hands or anything. So come college, I started out the year never having been kissed or been in a relationship. This cute guy seemed interested in me, so we hooked up (made out). I enjoyed it. But afterwords I got really anxious about the situation, and blew him off. Since then I've only been interested in guys who I know wont like me back (the ones who have tons of girl friends who are all a little bit in love with him. If someone within reach seems interested I push them away, and even get physically nauseous if something might happen. I can visualize getting close to a guy. But I don't really fantasize about either gender. I am in a dance class that is really sexual, and I'm just not comfortable with my self as someone sexual. I like my body and my personality, but when it comes to sexual stuff I just get really uncomfortable. And I got paired with this guy (one of the ones who has tons of friends who are girls, and is super talented and sweet and funny and nice). I have to do things with him, like stare into his eyes or touch his face, and have him touch my stomach (its a choreographed bachata piece). And I could just not get comfortable being that close to someone. When we had to make prolonged eye contact I just felt anxious. He told me I looked really scared and I just told him that I usually have a really big personal bubble, and it takes a while for me to get used to a new person being in it. Which is true,. My bubble, especially for guys is huge. But when I finally do let someone in (usually once I've found out they are only interested in being friends), I just want to cuddle.... I've never had a crush on a girl, but I've thought some were attractive. Like the cute guy in my dance class's other partner who is latin and curvy and cute (where I am awkward as all heck!)!I've never fantasized about a girl, but I'm not sure if its because I've just stifled that part away. I'm a little interested in experimenting just because I want to see if I might feel more comfortable with a girl. But I don't want to try anything with anyone (male or female) because I don't want to hurt them when my feelings get all mixed up... Is this just me being emotionally screwed up and straight, or am I not meant to be with guys since I can't seem to get comfortable around them in a sexual and romantic sense.
Hm... Regardless, sounds a bit like you have anxiety issues. But if you recognise that that's how being close to men in that way feels, then don't force yourself to be comfortable with it. I think it's a good idea for you to explore this a bit (but don't obsess!) and maybe try some casual dating with girls or even just talk to someone about how you feel - no need to rush or do anything you're not comfortable with! Don't put yourself down with things like: "I don't want to try anything with anyone (male or female) because I don't want to hurt them when my feelings get all mixed up..." unless of course you are asexual/aromantic - you need to know whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone. Just don't avoid the chance of loving and being loved by thinking you'll ruin it. If you meet someone you like, see how you feel when you spend time with them and if you enjoy it, and if you want things to go further but you still feel you might have issues, just be honest and tell them - just do what makes you happy! It's so sucky realising these things at this age cos this is when everyone seems to be doing it and discovering themselves.
Hey there. I have anxiety and when I was 12 I was pressured into losing my vcard by my first bf at the time. Didn't really think that that bothered me that much, I kinda became numb to everything after that but my point was that I too have this strange fear being around guys, just like you, it's like I feel threatened of sexual tension that I feel around guys. Like I constantly feel on defence mode around men, but once I am 110% sure that guys have 0 interest in me, if they are gay or like you use women and don't want a relationship then I can be fine with them. But if they are nice and show that they care about me, I don't find myself attracted to them amd I feel nervous around them. I also can recognise when a woman is attractive and I am still trying to figure out if that means I am attracted to them or not. I tried experimenting with a girl before but it didn't go far and left me curious, whereas I have been with men before and I do like it (I just feel inexperienced. ..). I'm very picky when it comes to guys I find attractive and would like to date and (lucky me) I always have a knack for finding the most emotionally unavailable guys attractive. I don't know if that's a sign either... but I do feel more comfortable and safe among women, (or these emotionally unavailable men because all they want is sex and that's straightforward), but yeah...don't know if it helps but I think I can relate to how you're feeling, and maybe you do have anxiety, I only discovered that I had it in the last year. :/ Sorry I couldn't have mlre definite answers!! ^^"
Thanks for your responses Its very reassuring to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Its odd because I met this guy and I think he is really attractive and I like his personality a lot (I don't know him that well yet), and I think about him quite a bit and get nervous around him. But its really hard for me to picture anything physical happening. I'm thinking maybe I'm demisexual?? I just heard about it recently, and it seems like it might be fitting. I probably shouldn't label myself just yet. I'll just try to do what feels right
I can relate as well. I get butterflies around guys and like having sex with them but once I feel like they want a relationship then I feel like I need to get out. Really weird, I have no idea why I do/did that...and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable when a guy shows that he cares about me.
