Hi all, question: if you're gay, then should gay porn and pictures of naked men get you aroused/give you an erection? When i watch it, if anything I lose my erection, if fact my penis shrinks in. Then when i watch straight porn /look at pictures of naked women, i get an erection. My story begins when i was about 9 years old - i asked a girl out (after pressure from a friend), i kissed her no problem, but my god my stomach was tied up in knots at the thought of going out with her. So the next day i called it off with her. Throughout my teens I only used to watch straight porn and look at porno mags - again i'd get aroused. but i never wanted the real thing (or if i did, i was too nervous to go out and get it). At school, i had an anxiety attack one night where i thought that i was gay. i said to myself that i wasn't (never had a crush on anyone male), and that was that. However the thought meant that i was a bit more weary at school, befoore that i was a lad, used to fight and what not. Roll forward to 19, after smoking a load of weed, I'm in bed and the thought of being gay pops back in to my head, only this time the thought is going no-where. I feel like $hit, cant sleep, can't think straight (excuse the pun), i don;t know what to do with myself. Anyway, i guess this is my way of thinking from now on, but the next day im ok, although my head is a little delicate. So anyway the thought of being gay is there, and from then on it consumes most of my thoughts, not of gay things, but of being gay. After drinking, over the years, i get more anxiety attacks, and sort of accept that im gay, but justify that i can sleep with women. I moved abroad, and that's what i did, slept with lots and lots of woman after meeting them out, now these were one night stands, never slept with the same girl again. yes its shallow but my numbers were going up. I have no fear off the female body, i can go down on a woman easily - in fact i enjoy it. So, the reason i post this, last year, i met a girl who i fell in love with and i wanted to be with, we would sleep together (i was very happy) - but in the back of my mind i kept thinking that i was gay, so i didnt want to say things to her like talks of marriage and lving together. So to cut a long story short, she breaks up with me. I've just spent the last month being stressed, emotional, having anxiety attacks. As well as losing her, there's that thought of me being gay too. If I am,then I am - ok, but when I look at men i don;t think about jumping in to bed with them. But i know there's something about me which is preventing a deep connection with a woman. Does anyone have any ideas? I'm happy to answer questions..
What makes you think you are gay, because it doesn´t sound remotely like you could be. Sorry, that sounds wrong. What I mean is there must be something that you leave out here. Do you think /know you can have a deep connection with a man? It´s not so much about sex, you can be homoromantic, but I don´t read anything about liking men in your post...
the fact that i never wanted a relationship with a woman. Then i met someone at 29 (it was my first relationship (apart from a previous brief one before). And the fact that I let someone that I love get away because I thought that one day, I'd been living a lie and was actually gay all along. Or was that the excuse not to open up to her? I should add, that I feel generally unconfident around other men - i don't feel that i need to compete. I do banter with women, but men I'm generally more reserved. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Also, I can be pretty sensitive at times if someone takes the mick, I'll kick off. ---------- Post added 4th Nov 2013 at 12:08 PM ---------- also I should add, I grew up with my dad, my mum moved out. But they kept getting back together and splitting up, pretty traumatic as i remember it. I have no siblings, but mainly grew up with girls (from neighbours).
No you aint gay. U need a counselor. And trust me they wont judge you. Just because u never felt the need for it in real life does not mean u are gay. And your not gay, like really your not. You need a counselor, they can clear your mind, trust me, they know every little trick to get you thinking the right way.
There is no "correct way" to be a man... It´s not about what you are like. Gay people can be sensitve or bullies... being gay doesn´t mean you have certain traits. It means you are attracted to men. You don´t seem to be in any way, so I´d say you are not gay. You seem just selfconcious or have other issues. Maybe you are scared to fail...so you don´t want to start anything you don´t have full control over...
im just saying i didnt realize i was gay till my life was at rock bottom, it came after i already started hitting it. an just multiplied it exponentially.
the thing is...I've never wanted the emotional attachment to a woman. Physically, yes I've never once had a problem having sex. But I'd always have this underlying uncomfortableness in my stomach. It's only when i realised that sex was coming that it would sort of lift. But never go completely. I can sort of imagine going on a date with a man, but i don't have a type, nor any desire to sleep with them...
Just because you don´t want the emotional attachement to a woman doesn´t make you gay. It makes you simply someone that doesn´t want the emotional attachement... There are plenty of those. Gay and straight. Have you ever crushed on a guy? I really don´t see where the "I´m gay" comes from. You only seem to go from what you don´t want, but I would like to see what you do want with a man... One realizes one is gay because you get aroused by a guy, or you crush on a guy. Let´s put it this way: You want to date a guy, but you have no intention to sleep with him, ever. Wouldn´t that be just friendship? What is it that would make it a date? But I´m not an expert on this. I knew I was gay from a young age and never even kissed a woman or anything. I don´t like to see straight porn and women simply put me off. I fell madly in love with my boyfriend and we are living together. He has no experience with women either. His disgust for them goes deep. But I know there are guys that have been married and only later kinda recognize they are gay. How old are you anyway?
I would just like to put out there that porn does not define your sexuality. I have gay friends that only get aroused with straight porn and gay porn does not turn them on at all. I think that if you truly feel so strongly about the possibility of being gay that you may be gay or bi or just in denial. Maybe you should explore any feelings that you may harbor. But if you don't find yourself genuinely attracted to guys then you probably are straight.
One thing that I must say is that I rarely get horny, you know, where you have to have sex. I get physically aroused at it when I think about it, or anticipate that I'm going to get it, but I could take it or leave it. Maybe it's this lack of desire? that's made me think to look in the wrong place? When I've tried to think of rubbing a man's torso, I don't get aroused, but sometimes get like a strange tingle around my groin - it's not unpleasant, but as mentioned above, my penis retracts. This adds to the confusion...
hey bud you sound alot like me. Your insecurity about getting too close with a women and getting married causes you to stir up monsters in your head. Its really hard to get over and for me its something that comes and goes. For me its that since im not really sexually experienced with girls, I get really nervous my brain tries to trick me into thinking I'm gay and its like a 24/7 battle that causes alot of stress. Just try to chill and enjoy yourself instead of looking at the negative things. Your brains a powerful weapon.
I've always been insecure, never felt better than anyone. With relationships, I guess it was always that i didn't want a girl finding my weaknesses? ? That's been with me all my life -im 30 now. Of course the thought that i was gay popped in, and then I thought I had the reason. What i dont get is that I have no reason to be insecure and unconfident - without blowing my own trumpet, I know im good looking (been told that I look Christian Bale haha), and I have a well paid job. But inside I feel like this little boy that never grew up, who's an immotional retard - so afraid to be hurt, will not put out my feelings. Christ, im a man, cant i just deal with it! So while it's not maybe the sexual attraction (or lack of) to men that made me think i was gay, it's my feelings and immotional levels that made me think i was perhaps that way. Anyway im going to see my doctor, I cant handle this, im gonna end up commited!
