Hey, so I really need some advice on a current situation. SO there is this girl I met last year in college, and the moment we met she was drawn to me. The four girls there started talking about sex and stuff and I said how I had been with girls and guys ( I am a lipstick lesbian). This was last year, ok anyways ever since that point we’ve been hanging out A LOT. A few wknds after the night we met, she kept saying how Im so beautiful , but she would never DO stuff like that ( meaning gay). Well next thing I know later in the night she came onto me and we were making out all night, I cant even count how many times. Well, ever since then we have been hanging out, making out, cuddling and sleeping ( by sleeping i mean just sleeping) together, etc. Things have been great, because we are Really good friends, but we also have this whole other thing going on which makes it awesome. I am not in love with her bc I am in love with another girl who went to the military ( shes in the closet/denial so that’s a whole nother story)…. But I do enjoy what we have. and i am keeping my guard up since this girl is confusing. She has made moves on me whether it be in front of guys, or just us. I am usually NEVER the one to make the 1st move due to the fact that she wont admit that she is not straight. Also, we are just friends too so I wouldn’t want for something to happen and mess up the friendship. However, she gets openly jealous whenever I am dancing on a guy, or guys hit on me or whatever. I don’t get why she would get jealous if we are just friends? As well, she sometimes goes over the top trying to talka bout guys in front of people or she will even try to hangout with guys in front of me and she says how theyre hot. So she has no right to be jealous about the things I do, right? She grabs my ass a lot too and she also sometimes seems to be resisting her urge to do more with me. However, recently she has been acting very weird, about 3 weeks ago she was acting distant and not being herself and didn’t text me at all so I knew something was up. well, the weekend came around so I asked what was up for the night and it was clear she was trying to avoid me. Well we ended up meeting up , but she was acting so weird, after a while, everyone wanted to go to a bar, she came in line with us then literally was like “ I I just have to go idk I just cant” and literally like ran away and left. Wtf?...then the next week she was acting weird still and she started telling me how shes been feeling really guilty and ashamed of things shes done, she wouldnt give me an answer when I asked what. She said she feels she’s lost the lord and idk all this other stuff…. Lol. Well then low and behold that night after this convo, she comes over to my place and we have a few beers and she starts getting real jealous when this other guy was clearly interested in me and she told him “ SHes mine!” then she kept trying to ket me to drink more and stuff then she came onto me and we started making out and her hands were runnin all over my body like I have never seen before! And I was leaning my head back and she kept looking into my eyes then would kiss me ( it was so hot) lol. Uhhh but yea. Then last wknd we got drunk with a few other people and a gay guy we r friends with and she out of nowhere goes to me “ LGBT woooohoo!” and I was like, wtf? Lol, then she goes “ LGBT !! right?” and I just didn’t respond. Wtf? Lol. So anyways, last night I was at her place and she stopped me in her room and goes “ can I ask u a question I want u to be honest” I go “ uhhh ok? Lol” she goes “ do u have feelings for me?” then I go “ we are friends…. I like what we do but no” ( obviously im not gonna tell her I have small feelings for her since she has no clue what her sexuality is and I don’t wanna look like an idiot..). Well then she goes “ really, you don’t??” and I was like “ no” she was like “ ohhh ok, well ok that’s good cuz I just wanted to make sure you didn’t fall for me or anything because we have been hanging out a lot” I said “ lol we hang out cuz we are friends…” she goes “ Yeah well I know sometimes when you are friends with a person and there is clearly something else going on, over time you can fall for the person and it can scare you” and I go “ uhhhh no?” lol. She kept saying how she is so straight. But then she goes “ we still can makeout right?” LOL WTF……. And I told her no I don’t have feelings for u bc I am in love with another girl , then she goes “ well feelings can change” … also I tried getting her to open up I said “ im not dumb I know you’re going thru stuff” and she said “ yes, I have never done what we do with another girl, and it is confusing me! And I said “ u just need to turn your mind off and stop thinking about it!”……. So this whole convo turned into a whole heated yelling thing and anyways now she is avoiding me more than ever!!! In the past when I have brought up this other girl, she has gotten so mad and said she wanted to beat her up!......anyways I tried texting her last night to ask her a question about something, and she didn’t respond, so I texted her again bc we were supposed to have plans, well 4 hours later she responds saying “ sorry ive been really busy but no im not gonna go out anymore” LOL she has never waited that long to reply and I saw she had been on facebook, and she has never been this cold to me. Which I don’t understand, if I gave her the answer she truly wanted ( which was that I like her just as a friend), why would she be avoiding me???!?!?! She is the one who comes onto me every time. … Is it possible she doesn’t have any feelings for me?? It is clear that she is having some issues with herself, no doubt. My friends think she is in denial and scared because she is actually falling for a girl. Any ideas what you guys think is going on??? Thanks.
I dont think shes in denial, shes basically begging you. her personality seems annoying but why lead her on if youre in love with someone else?? And you clearly see that shes struggling.
i have always had small feelings for her but now have developed more feelings for her bc i feel that she really cares about me too. But, how could she not be in denial if she is claiming to be straight and trying to project her feelings onto me asking If i have feelings for her?. She hasnt admitted to me she is crazy about me, and therefore i will not tell her how i really feel since it is clear she is having issues. I am trying to protect my heart bc i don't want to get hurt, u get what im saying?
I get it. I do. But yes, she is in denial. I think that by asking about your feelings she wanted to know if it was okay to tell you her true feelings. shes been obvious otherwise- the jealousy, the intimacy. Yet it seems like shes in the closet and doesnt want to scare YOU away.
interesting way of looking at it!..... it's like i want to tell her so bad that i lied when i said i had no feelings for her, but the problem is i dont want to look vulnerable because what IF she really doesnt have any feelings for me? i mean, do you think it is possible she has no feelings for me?..... also i just really dont understand why she is still acting distant and avoiding me?... it is really bothering me bc i most of all miss my friend. do you think she is avoiding me bc she is super scared about her feelings?.... Also, do you think she is consciously aware she has feelings for me, or she is in such denial that she won't even believe it herself? thanks (*hug*)
No problem . Being vulnerable can suck but there's ways to "manipulate" the situation. If you're afraid that she's "too straight" (to admit her OBVIOUS feelings), I'd send her a light message. Something along the lines of, where have you been? didn't realize how attached I am to you. Optional addition: haha... It sounds like she's either aware of her attraction and bothered by it. I.e. the distance. Or aware of her attraction and the possibility of your rejection. Looks like she took the chance to ask but wasn't given the right answer...or maybe she's jealous again. We have no real way of knowing this without asking. But see where it goes from the 'miss you' text. If she's all googly-eyed and overdramatic like "awawwww" then you can safely precede to the next line. "I meant to talk with you about something, too! When are you free?" Hope this helps.
thanks so much for all the advice haha . i like your idea. Hmmm.... this is my problem is i HATE looking vulnerable if the other person doesnt respond the way i want ( i guess it is a problem of mine that i have to work on, maybe a slight self esteem issue) ( for as confident of a person as i am... lol) ..... Ok so if i text her and say i miss her, what if she just sorta says " aw you too" or something like that. Should i take it as she doesnt care about me, or that she is just still freaked out and doesnt want to express her feelings?.... im not gonna get into a deep convo about all of this till the next time we hang out in person and have alone time. thanks again
Hmm...well I don't think anyone responds exactly how we expect them to. I used to have expectations before I realized that others aren't responding for my benefit. They best respond when it has to do with them. Hence, the focus/ compliment is toward her...if she doesn't respond or responds minimally, don't stress! Wait it out. If she's crazy about ya, she'll come around. I def. think it's best to wait and speak with her in person.
Ok so on friday i texted her asking if she was coming to the party, and that she didnt have to drink if she didnt want and i would like for her to come, and time passed and i figured she just wasnt going to respond, well 3 and a half hours later she responds " no not going out sorry"..... Lol so she apparently has not gone out since the night we got into this argument and it is pretty apparent she is avoiding me. I have done all i can and showed her i am a friend and stuff, so this is all on her. The next time we do hangout i am going to have a big chat with her. my friend just thinks she needs space to figure out her feelings . I t just sucks because i miss her . What Do u think?? thanks :icon_bigg
I understand that you don't want to be vulnerable and come right out and say that you actually have some feeling for her and I don't think it would be a good start now that she felt awkward. I don't understand why she is still avoiding when you sent out a pretty considerate text. Well, what do you think about along the line of "Could we talk things out, I sensed there is something between us and we should talk it out"
