I don't know where to start. I'm with my first girlfriend ever. She's amazing and I couldn't be happier with her. As a woman I've dated too many men to count, having a few intimate and long term relationships along the way. The few that I had were amazing in their own rite and most of them ended terribly (as I assume most relationships do...but this is only my own experience). This isn't to say that, in retrospect, I was attracted to girls before. I don't know if I didn't just brush it off before or just ignored it and stuck with the heteronormative idea that girls are with boys and that's that. I'm not sure. But what never ended up happening, until now, was me acting on an attraction to another woman. I've had this conversation of confused sexual identity with her a couple of times. And we both come to the conclusion that it would make my life easier if I just let myself be me. That I forgot about labels and all that jazz. There's part of me, though, that not only really wants to know but wants to be able to tell those close to me what's going on in my life. I don't know where to turn or who to talk to. Most people tell me to just be myself, that the desire to put a label on my sexuality shows all that is wrong with the world. I feel alone and scared and like I don't have a community of which to belong. How do I own myself if I can't put it into words?
I go through the same emotions, asking myself the same questions, and I come up confused just like you. I'm a 38 year old woman, no kids, married to a man whom I've loved and had support from for over 13 years now, and I can't imagine my life without him. I'm a little bit past you in my journey in that I don't feel so alone and scared as I used to, for starters. Secondly, I like it when people say "just be yourself, whether it means you're a woman who likes being a woman, who likes being with men, has lesbian tendencies, but is a monogamous lover...." by the time I get done trying to label and explain my complex sexuality....the label strands a few oceans. Get it? Start slow, take one piece at a time, and view it, analyze, learn, be open to new thoughts and ideas without that fear and confusion, and see what you think of. So far I've enjoyed the support here and it's only my second day. I've already learned a few things and related to a lot more since I joined last night and it sounds to me like your current lover supports you which is like striking gold! I do agree that it makes all the sense in the world to figure out some sort of "easy explanation or label" in order to share this complex side of you to family, friends, and others....but that might take some time to sort through and her advice is not all that uncommon. There might not be a set label for what we feel, and I find a comfortable peace with that. I think this community is a great place to start and talk out some of these epiphanies, I call them, when we have them-those A-HA moments when we see a common denominator in someone else makes us feel less alone and more "normal". I'm kinda warming up to my complex individuality and sexual chaos. I find it pretty crazy that those close to me already KNEW this about me long...long...I mean decades long...before I ever knew myself! Right now, when the topic comes up about my sexual label-I tell them "currently, I'm a Freudian aneurysm waiting to happen..." and their shocked look makes me giggle every time.
