Hi, I believe that I am straight for 28 years because I only like men. However, my interest in men lost out day after day. Recently, I am so shocked that I've had a crush on a younger girl which I am told ( by our gay co-worker) she is lesbian. As newcomers at our company, when we first meet, I just have an impression that she is pretty and has something different from others so I want to be closer to her as sisters but she seems to be cold to me. She acts as if she doesn't meet me at all when we meet the second time. So I ignore her too. One day, when we work on a project together, she suddenly walks close to me and whispers to ask for some information. At that time, I feel like a slight electric shock goes through me. It takes me a few second to calm down to find the answer. Since then, I unconsciously look at her every time she passes by, I am curious about her but she keeps on ignoring me. Another day, we join a singing contest in our workplace. I dress up beautifully, do some make up so I look prettier than usual, I sing well of course. Then I feel like someone is staring at me and when I look up, that's her. I politely smile with her but she looks away. I don't know why I feel happy when she notices me. After that, in a party at our company, I come late and there's only a seat left. It's right next to her so I sit down. This time, I try to break the ice. We have fun talking with each other. She suddenly looks deep into my eyes, runs her fingers through my hair and repeats twice: " You're so cute". It makes me scared but damn, I like it. When I have to leave early, she looks a little bit sad. She suddenly stands up, hugs me and nearly kisses me goodbye but I slightly push her back. From that day, every time we see each other, she always stares at me from faraway or looks deep and sweet into my eyes when we come close. And I begin to miss her. She begins to find reasons to come to my department more frequently. Mostly she pretends to find a person who we can be sure isn’t there at that moment. When waiting for him, she goes back and forth to get my attention and tries to start conversation with me. We always laugh a lot. I become sleepless night after night for this strange feeling, even fear of this and I can't concentrate on my work. We already have facebook and phone numbers of each other but she never calls, texts or comments. One day, I decide to let her know I am attracted to her by texting her with a funny flirt but she doesn’t reply as usual. But on the next day, she comes to my work place, not hesitate to sit beside me and we talk and laugh a lot. Then I am so confused and jealous when knowing that she has a boyfriend. They're just dating for 1-2 months. Last week, I was in a bad mood and texts her. She at once comes to me, listens to me. She looks so tired because she stays up late last night. ( I wonder if she is sleepless like me?) When her boyfriend comes, she lets him wait outside for more than an hour. I tell her to leave but she insists on sitting with me until I tell her all the story that makes me sad. I realize that I deeply fall for her but I’m not sure she has the same feeling or she just considers me as an older sister. I want to forget her but I can't. It is the first time I have such feeling for a girl. On the one hand, I will be deeply hurt if she just plays a fool on me. On the other hand, I wish she just flirt for fun so I can be back to be straight. So dilemma! I am afraid both of us may be bisexual. We hesitate to make a move because we confused about our sexuality and scared of losing our friendship. Please give me some advices!
I would say try to become friends while you sort everything else out. It may be good to have somebody else to wok it all out with.
Thanks Tommyj. She and I are already friends now, a little close. She never contacts me on phone or fb first but always approaches me first and be happy to see and talk to me in person. She even tries to have skinship with me, such as touch my arm, rub my back softly. That's why I can't understand what she really wants and feels for me. Maybe she studies in Europe so she is more open than other Asian girls. I also hug and be kissed on the cheek by other female friends but don't feel the way I feel for her when she does such things to me. She's the only girl I have chemistry on. I don't want to get in this relationship cause I know there is no way out for us. Maybe she thinks the same. People around me start to question my sexuality (included me) when I am only around with girls and so frozen to men even though many men show their interest and love to me. In fact, I got some bad experiences and disturbed by bad boys in the past so I don't want to get in troubles with them anymore. That's why I keep distance with men and just feel relaxed, safe and have fun to be with women. You think I'm bisexual or lesbian? Is it possible that a straight girl falls in love with another girl? ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2013 at 05:39 AM ---------- One more thing, I watch porn to find out which I like best. This comes out that I'm so weird with Lesbian porn. I prefer straight porn or sometimes gay porn. However, I prefer to hug and kiss gently than having sex. I fond of being treated gentle way so I am easily fall for anyone who treats me like that, both men and women. How ridiculous I am!
It kind of sounds like you are physically attracted to her beauty, and misreading her just being polite. If she replied to texts then I would say that you may have a chance, but she's only talking with you in a work environment. Try as hard as you can to move on. Maybe if she feels you aren't attracted anymore, she will stop leading you on and go after you!
She also replies text and message but never text or leave message first. In real life, she is the one who talks less. Maybe we just be physically attracted to each other appearance and the gentle way we treat each other. Girls seem to sympathy each other better than with boys. I have experiences with many boys who like me and they do the same things like she does to me now. She is still young and maybe she is confused about her sexuality too. The key point here is I myself don't want to move on but I can't help missing her, care for her. I am so lonely because all of my best female friends live abroad so I don't have anyone to share with. She appears at the right time I need someone with me. She is good at listening and comforting me so I really want to have her by my side. I can't distinguish it is love or not. She is still with her boyfriend like a straight girl. And I wonder is it only me who has problem with sexuality orient? I can't accept the thought that I am les or bi. My parents would die if it is real and I would die too. In my country, people are too strict with who being gay. On the one hand I am struggling to escape from her as far as possible. On the other hand, I want to find out my real sexuality orient. So conflict.
I don't think she is considering you as an older sister, I think her attraction for you is real. She might be hesitant or have not make a definite move on you or formalize it in a date, perhaps because she doesn't know in what way you're interested in females and... now she has a boyfriend. (did your coworker mention that she is bi? is that really a boyfriend? does she say anything about her orientation?) At this point, I don't think you should even bother showing your sexual orientation to her. You could discover it for yourself but I'd say since you're interested in her, let your attention/energy be focused there. It was a good point that you guys haven't had much chance to be together outside of work environment, maybe you could initiate that somehow and see what is happening next.
Thanks Janewndy. Your idea is really helpful. If I really in love with her, then I'll be Bi. So weird! My coworker (who is gay and works at the same department with her) says out loud that they are gay and les. She just smiles and doesn't say anything. At first, I just think he has a joke. She does have an everybody-knows- boyfriend working at the same company but they just start dating. He takes her from home to work, work to home everyday, having lunch, going out together after working hours. I supposed she maybe bi. On fb profile, she indicates that she has interest in men and women. She always says to everybody that handsome men make her happy. One time, she showed me a fb of a beautiful girl and asks if I know her. I say I don't know with ignorance, she immediately turns off the page. I've chat with her this afternoon. I say I plan to get married after 30 years old. She tells me that she doesn't care about getting married. She just wants to live happily with the one she loves. I ask if she is in love with any British boy in undergraduate days, she says she didn't find anyone suitable. She never mentions her boyfriend when talking to me, not like other female friends of mine. They usually talk much about their crush or lover with excitement. We have a long chat but when I invite her to see a project I do with a male coworker ( she knows that he is close to me), she logs out without reply or say goodbye. I can be sure that if I don't start the conversation first, she'll never do it. Once I know her house is near to mine, I pretend to mention that we'll go to a cafe's one day, she'll never answer. What a strange girl! Maybe we both scared to meet each other in person, scared of our feeling for each other will grow deeper but we can't be together. So I just want to be her good sister so that noone will get hurt. ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2013 at 06:13 AM ---------- One time, I text her that I realize she always flirt with me and she'll be regret. To me, it's just a joke and flirt back also. But I wonder if it looks like a threat to her ? You have any idea? ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2013 at 06:16 AM ---------- It's a pity that I quit the job so we have no chance to meet at work or outside anymore.
And even though I feel happy whenever meeting, talking or chatting with her, I feel headache and empty after all. Don't know why! Have you ever felt like that with your crush?
Hi! I'm 28 and have always thought I was straight but then only a few months ago I realised I was gay I had a crush on a friend for a while but she is straight so nothing is going to happen it is really hard when you fall for a friend because you don't how they are going to react good luck xxx
Thanks lovely lesbian, I think she and I have a crush before becoming friends. And I can be sure my crush is not straight, she's just les or bi. So I just let what will be will be. Gud luck to you too!
Hi Rachel, I hope everything will turn out well and considering lovelylesbian comment, I'd say that ll has her own verdict; if one's gaydar is perfect and the target is clearer in their expression, there would be no case of hitting on a wrong/right person. How close of a friend are you guys anyways? Were those chatting you mentioned face to face? How did she reply to "I realize she always flirt with me and she'll be regret"? On one side it seems that your crush is having a close relationship with that guy, may it be involving sex or not. On the other side, the girl does seem showing interest in other girls and probably is having difficulty how to sort out the emotion she is having or had for you, or simply how to response to the situation now that she senses your reciprocity. Are there any way you guys can hang out more? so you could know her better than through these short encounters. Yeah, I just hate those headaches and emptiness, they are so unhealthy and waste of time!
Not like other couples, She and that guy don't publicize their relationship on facebook and don't comment or like any status of each other. Most of the time we chat on facebook or send message via mobile phone. She always ends the message to me with "xoxo". Yesterday I knew it means "hugs and kisses". But many close girlfriends use this so I don't think she has special meaning. How did she reply to "I realize she always flirt with me and she'll be regret"?--> well, I text her via mobile phone but she did't reply. However the next day when knowing that i'm leaving the company, she comes at once and sits besides me. She seems to be more open to me that she doesn't hesitate to touch or hold me and tells me that she has a tatoo. Then she encourages me to have a tatoo too but I'm too scared of that. I've heard that most lesbians have tatoo of their pride, right? Most of her friends are female and she seems to be open to men and has good relationship with them also. She has a very close older female friend who lives abroad and whom she calls sister and sweetheart. Last month that girl leaves a message on fb "miss" and this month my crush is visiting her on holidays. I haven't asked if she has blood sister or not. Her relationships are too complicated! Everytime I don't think of her, I feel healthier and happier. I hope I can get over this crush soon. If she contacts me initiatively, I will consider moving on. If not, I don't want to meet her again.
Tattoo is a very personal choice, it doesn't mean a person is more likely to be lesbian at all. Either way, you guys should totally hang out more, it would be sad that you just you're leaving the company and now dropping a really nice acquaintance. I'm sure from all that talking at work, you guys have more commonality to share and carry on a friendship. I wouldn't overthink the small details you noticed in her life and lets say you could start by asking her who the girl is and so on...
Thanks you guys! In my previous relationships, boys are always the ones who start chasing me. This time, even though she flirts with me first, I am the one who follows her and being hurt more. I'm so tired of chasing her like that. Both of us have pride and no one wants to let love win pride. I also realize that we are so different in our view, our habit and lifestyle so I'm not sure that we can move on well. Moreover, she is young and her family is rich so she doesn't care much about money. She works for fun but I work to make living. I have to concentrate to my work and not waste time with her anymore. The key point here is I still believe I'm straight, just curious so I wanna get out of this as soon as possible. It's not worth risking my life for such a no-way-out relationship. So , just let it be what it'll be. If there is good news I'll tell you then. Anyway, thanks for your helpful advice very much. Have a nice day!
