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For those confused about orientation and have anxiety

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by paranoidkid, Nov 9, 2013.

  1. paranoidkid

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    You may think it is hard to figure out and impossible to deal with. But it's not a long process you just dive into finding out what you are. No, I'm not saying go and sleep with both genders. It will confuse you more most likely (or may work). But there is only one way to tell and it can be a quick process.

    So you have anxiety because your afraid you might be gay or straight. And you don't know if the thoughts/fantasies/sexual arousal is real or your just fooling you own mind.

    What you need to do is just go with it. If you are afraid your gonna have a gay fantasy or straight one then just go with it. Have it, the more you try to push it away the more it will appear and not leave you alone.

    If you have a gay fantasy, does it most likely men your gay?
    No, it does not. It's a 50/50 chance that it does and does not. For the fact that you can just be fooling your own mind and making yourself think you like that or attracted to that and want to do it. Anything sexual, will be sexually arousing. No matter what it is, a guy, a girl, a horse, a dog. It will all be arousing because it's sexual. Now, there is a 50% chance it is your real sexuality. But that's why your gonna dive into the fantasies to find out if they are real. YOU DONT KNOW THAT'S WHY YOU ARE CONFUSED, SO DONT SAY THE FANTASIES ARE REAL WHEN YOU DONT KNOW, AND DONT SAY THE FANTASIES ARE NOT REAL WHEN YOU DONT KNOW.

    So how and when will you know? Well going into what you fear, like being gay or straight will work itself out on its own.

    What happens when doing this is that over time these feelings will either fade away or stick around. Concluding to your sexuality.

    If you fear your gay or straight, this will help you and is really one of the effective ways. And plus when doing this you just naturally start to become comfortable with it, and if you are gay or straight then after awhile of this you just accept yourself and not care. And if your fear is not real, this will all.just fade away and you will realize it was all just in your head. Your getting short term anxiety for long term relief by doing this.

    I do not know how long it would last, some people said a few weeks, other said a few months, others just a few days. Depends on how your mind set is going into this!

    So do not be afraid when anything happens, get your anxiety now so u don't have it later. If you are gay then guess what, by the time it's done with you accept it already and do not care! And if you are really straight same goes for that you start to not care!

    This is just a good way to find out for sure, you will see stories of straight people who thought they were gay but really werent.
    And gay people who thought they were straight but really weren't.

    Just a little input also. If you have been straight your whole life and know it, you will most likely come out of this straight. And if you have been gay your whole life(now suddenly fearing your straight) you will most likely come out of this gay still like you always liked. Or hey, maybe you realize your bisexual!

    ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2013 at 11:18 AM ----------

    Also this is just like the same process as letting any fantasies come in. Don't push then away, let them in. Over time the picture will become clear. Either it will fade away or stick around. You will know when the time is right.

    ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2013 at 11:37 AM ----------

    Oh and sometimes you may notice instant changes. Like if you start out having the fantasy you fear, by the time your ready to bust you will find yourself thinking of a girl. If that's the case then keep doing that, it will all subside eventually. It's just a matter of acceptance of the fear. Same goes for gay people who are afraid they are straight.
     
  2. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    I think this is spot on and really clears up some confusion over sexual orientation. Some posters on here make it worse by confusing people with the idea of sexual fluidity or sexual orientation constantly changing. For some people, it does. Others it doesn't. Even some confuse admiration for genuine attraction and use porn too much as an indicator of their sexual preference.
     
  3. English Frenchman

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    I could not agree with you more! Just because you watch gay porn does not mean you’re gay and visa versa!
     
  4. Trapper

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    Almost described SO-OCD to a T other than the fact that it's not so easy overcome just based on "accepting" as the mind itself is misfiring and playing scenerio's over and over again regardless of comfort level.. thus making the person anxious regardless. They also could end up suffering with this for years with fear of ever coming forth with the issue only for it to get worse and more distressing. One thing I would note is that when the anxiety is down in these subjects (gay or straight) their TRUE orientation shines through, but one little slip up with compulsions or with the obsession of that intrusive thought.. without the proper tools of dealing with such.. you're off to another battle.
    Definitely a good entry though.

    ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2013 at 09:32 AM ----------

    What's funny and sad though..is people with this will think of past events to validate why they are straight/gay in hopes of being certain of it.. only to further be confused about it moments later. So this method of "accepting" as you say should be considered in terms of "accepting uncertainty" as for all people living with what you describe and all forms of OCD are told to do as a means of properly dealing with that anxiety disorder.
     
    #4 Trapper, Nov 12, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2013
  5. seren67

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    I'm glad this was the first post I read. I am accepting uncertainty for the time being and figuring out who I am.
     
  6. fackit

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    Thanks for the insight.
    I ve been getting off to lesbian porn twice a day during the last week in order to prove my heterosexuality... and it works fine..., I have jizzed in my pants with girls yet I am still not sure where I fall in the bisexual spectrum or whatever. The point is that there is no point.
    Seriously there are greater things in life, that measuring your "dick" erection power in front of a computer screen....The answer you are searching for, will come to you, after you stop searching for it.
     
  7. EscapeArtist

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    I think as a society we are so eager to slap ourselves with labels, when in truth, most are inaccurate. I agree, exploration is essential. However, I think your "you'll accept it, and you wont care!" speech is a bit far fetched. This is a very real struggle for millions. Myself included as of late.

    I recently left the father of my child and came out to my friends and family as a lesbian, without provocation mind you. Though now a past male lover has surfaced and I find myself in circles. Is this common?
     
  8. Trapper

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    Because confusion is a very real thing for a lot of people , especially when it comes to sexuality. Although with the movement of "PRIDE" you're more likely to get problematic responses in regards of people thinking you're just doing this.. or doing that.. you should just be proud and accept blahblahblah.
    In reality sexuality is VERY complex , there's even cases where people are sexually attracted to their VEHICLES , and only sexually attracted to people in FUR OUTFITS (yeah I'm aware of people just calling it a FETISH) , but how does one get that way, are they just BORN that way?..
    These are all very complex issues that are hardly ever addressed because they may overshadow real movements such as what the LBGT community has gone through and accomplished.

    My thoughts on your issue is the same as anyones, be it sexual confusion, orientation, identity crisis, intrusive thoughts, etc etc.. is that whatever comes into the fold accept or laugh it off.. don't feed into the pressure from people around you or on this site, or in the media.. just be who you want to be.
    A word of advice, don't date for a while.. give it a year .. maybe even more.. just find yourself , enjoy doing things with friends and family and just be YOU. You have no need to attach yourself to a relationship at this point of your life , especially when it's a confusing part of your life.
    Hope that helps.