Hey guys. I'm sure you've all read the same sort of story a million times before- but basically I'm unsure of my orientation. I used to beleive that I was strait, and never really questioned it before. When I was at secondary school (11-16 for those not in the UK) I went to a church school, where those who were gay/bi/lesbian and out (or anybody that wasn't strait, really) was viciously bullied. Having said that though, I was also viciously bullied- but not for anything regarding my orientation. Then when I went on to 6th Form College (16-18) I went to an all girls school. Where, to put it bluntly, you were categorised into one of three sexualities: strait and hypersexual, strait and utterly at a loss as to how to approach men (due to an absence of boys at school during puberty) or lesbian. At this point, I decided to put myself in the second box. Since going to university and graduating I have been in relationships and had sex with men. However, I have been left scarred emotionally by one particularly abusive relationship I had. But over the last couple of years I have been beginning to notice more and more how attracted I am to women. How beautiful they are- the eyes and lips in particular. But no matter how much I may fantasize about how it would feel to touch their skin, kiss them, lie naked with them- I still don't want to have sex with women. Beyond the odd drunken snog, I've never really acted upon any urges I have felt towards women. I am certain that i am still attracted to men, however. I think my main problem is that I'd really like to experiment a bit but my 'gaydar' is so apalling when it comes to women that I'd likely make a fool of myself, or worse still really upset someone or myself. Snybody got any advice they can give me on what to do? I've never been one to parade my sexuality as freely as I might like to, so it has always been something very private that very few other people have seen. A friend of mine that I confided on suggested that I might be a "waist up lesbian" but... I don't know what to say to that. I still like men, and sex with men - but I feel like I can't ignore my feelings for women any longer. But this isn't to say that I am attracted to EVERY man and EVERY woman I come across- For me it is very much rooted in personality, even if I can find someone extremely attractive physically, I wouldn't do anything about it unless they showed an aspect of their personality to be attractive so for a while I have hovvered under the label of pansexual- but reading more into that, I think that perhaps bisexual suits me better because pan meaning all would include transgendered, intersex, transvestitism- to include ALL sexual expressions of oneself- wheras I am only attracted to men and women, but not because of the biological sex they are... if that makes sense. I've probably over complicated what I'm trying to say, but its hard to put into words. Can anyone give me advice? Am I gay? Am I strait? Am I bi? Am I Pan? How should I approach women who I think might be gay without offending them?
