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Questioning

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Rei, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. Rei

    Rei
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    Hello.

    Help.

    Not really sure how to begin this post so I'll just enumerate things that I think play some kind of importance.

    1. I'm a girl who loves gay men. I am, in otaku language, a "fujoshi". There was a time when I wanted to be a gay man.

    2. Usually, I can only tolerate penises in a homosexual setting. A couple of times, I almost barfed when I saw a penis (in a non-homosexual and non-sexual/erotic setting) onscreen.

    3. I've only been in lesbian relationships so far.

    4. I love girls. But...

    5. ... There's also this one guy I've always loved. He's not real, though. He's a game character and he's kind of like my ideal guy. I thought, if I should ever be with a guy, it has to be with someone like him. And, he's the only reason why I'm confused, really.

    6. Oh, and also because the girls I've been with were kinda crazy. And, they really broke me.

    7. Also, when I'm single, I'm usually "genderless". I don't really get THAT attracted to anyone. If ever I get attracted, it's usually superficial and not so extreme that I'd flirt with the person or ask the person out. It's like my emotions and deeper form of attraction to others are turned off. And, they only start functioning when the other person states her interest. And, that's when I consider it.

    I'm sorry. Am I making sense?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Yeah you're making sense, or some sense at least :slight_smile:

    So. This fictional guy. There are two ways I can interpret this that I can relate 2.

    1. There are a bunch of things about this guy you like, but you've never met anyone with ALL of them or they aren't so pronounced, so they don't compare.

    2. If they where a real person you would probably hate them but for some reason you can never understand, you love them to bits (I get this a lot!)

    Either of those sound right or have I missed something?

    The girls you've been with. What attracted you to them? Why did you date them in the first place?

    How do you feel about guys if you think of them from a purely non-sexual way?
     
  3. Rei

    Rei
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    First, thank you for replying. :slight_smile: And, you're cute. (Your status said I should tell you so.)

    I don't get that part. By "they", do you mean my ideal guy (the game character)?


    My first girlfriend, it was a bit complicated. She's one of my best friends and was suicidal at the time she confessed to me. So, I felt like I couldn't turn her down. But, I did love her, even if the whole 5-year experience was messy. My second girlfriend, I liked her on my own. I mean, I wasn't pressured like the first one when I decided to go out with her. And, I loved her a lot as well.

    In a non-sexual way, I like guys. I usually hang out with guys (like, as friends). I grew up hanging out with guys (my dad, my brother, my uncles, male cousins, my brother's male friends/classmates, my cousin's male friends, my male friends) so I'm pretty OK with them in that context.
     
    #3 Rei, Nov 10, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2013
  4. BookDragon

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    Yes, I did mean the game guy :slight_smile:

    So what was it about those girls that you liked?
     
  5. Rei

    Rei
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    If the game guy were real, I'd like him very much. I know I'd fall in love with him.

    As for those girls, we shared same interests. We liked the same books, bands, movies, anime, etc. And, I was also physically attracted to them. We did get intimate and I was usually the one initiating it.