I'm in the midst of separating from my husband. We've been married for twelve years. I've only been with men, but have also become clinically depressed two months into every relationship that I've ever had. I have fantasized about being with women for a lot of my life, but always considered myself to be straight. I'm not sure how to explore these feelings without declaring myself one way or another. When I discussed it with my soon to be ex (we are good friends) he said that he'd always wondered, and thinks it may be why I don't "feel like myself" or "feel like I fit in" or "feel comfortable as a woman" - which are feelings I've expressed to him over the years. I know there's not some type of test or something that will tell me one way or another. I firmly believe people are born a certain way - but what does it mean if I change teams halfway through? The thought of being an out lesbian excites me - not sexually alone - just overall. But I don't know if that's the newness of being single talking or that I'm really discovering my orientation. I've also considered that I'm just bi - and joined a bi women's forum. But most are "oh I love my husband/boyfriend but want a woman on the side" and that just seems distasteful to me. It's like I'd rather not deal with men (no offense to any men reading) - but I don't know if that feeling is because I'm really truly gay or because I'm just divorcing... How do I get started in figuring this out?
Well first it doesn't seem like you "hate" men, at least from what I can gather. It sounds like you may indeed be more attracted to women, but you should definitely try dating before making any confirmations. Still, it sounds very likely you may be a lesbian since you seem so happy with the idea, and if you truly were bi, I think you would still consider men just as appealing or at least close. Again, as far as your relation with men goes, it just sounds like you prefer woman since you don't seem to harbor bad feelings for your husband or anything.
Thank you so much for the response! You're right - I do have a lot of respect for men, and my ex, in general - but thinking about dating one just isn't appealing...
