i went to my therapist and we talked about my orientation and it made me realize something i get easily attached to both genders like i feel "love" but i am more attracted to women sexually than i am with men i could look at a mans penis and not get excited but when i think of being with a woman or see a woman i get more excited than with a guy and i feel i only am with men because my family is anti-gay and i don't want to be in trouble with my family even though i hate them but ever since i was hurt by one of my exs in a way no woman should be hurt my taste in men went down its been one mistake after another and i am never happy for long but my therapist told me she thinks i would be more happy with women but i cant seem do do anything as long as i'm with my family i have no way to move out i'm trapped and i hate falling for people so easy i don't know why i do and when i have sex with men its always about them and i actually have to work hard for my orgasm or i go without with men it doesn't happen naturally i have to do it myself instead of actually enjoying the sex i find i'm actually looking for release i remember having erotic dreams of woman or just cybering with them i can orgasm without even touching myself at times and its intense and the funny thing is some people tell me i would make a better guy than a girl and the funny thing is i would have to agree i even went as far as thinking of getting a sex change but certain things my family said especially my uncle saying that transgender people are not human and he calls them it not him or her and that was the final nail in the coffin i have been nothing but depressed my whole life and even with my meds i cant stop the thoughts all this is killing me inside im so tired of trying to be happy but failing hell i even tried a dating site and they said just because guys treat me bad doesn't mean i should give up on them but they didn't understand i wasn't saying it was the reason for me turning to women i was saying i'm not happy with men at all i don't find them sexually attractive and very few men actually help me orgasm otherwise i could just sit there for hours and look at my nails without even climaxing while they are trying so hard to make me idk what i am or why i get attracted to men and women but am not sexually attracted to men i cant remember the last time i was attracted to a man physically :tears: sorry if this is tmi but i really need help thanks
If you're not attracted to men, why do you have sex with them? I know you said you can't go after women because your family are awful, awful people, but that doesn't mean you have to go for guys... Out of interest, why can't you move out?
i'm disabled my family is the cause of my severe depression and anxiety and my grandpa is using my temporary assistance to help my uncle and cousins and i cant say anything or i will be kicked out they have me on a leash and its gotten so much worse since what my ex did no place would hire me when i tried to look for work and i am prone to severe anxiety attacks i had one in Walmart once after i saw my ex they saw me curled up in the women's clothing department crying and i was so afraid and i never learned how to use my temporary assistance to get a apartment or a place to live they kept me in the dark so i always thought i was going to be stuck here forever and i was kicked out of school for having an anxiety attack after they screwed up on my grades and told me i had to stay for 2 more years for missing 2 credits they assumed i wanted to get my GED but i ended up having a breakdown they told me that it was for my best interest but the entire last 2 years of high school my other exs friends where telling me to kill myself and that no one would miss me believe me i had tried enough times throughout high school but i always did it wrong and i would wake up feeling worse than i ever have before i was never happy ever i cant remember the last time a smile stayed on my face i loved my ex gf even when she cheated i'm just stuck here and i don't even know where to start i think my grandparents feel im a disappointment they always pushed me to be better than i knew i could do they expected so much and even though i hate my family knowing i failed still hurts i want to run away from this but i don't know how ---------- Post added 13th Nov 2013 at 04:36 PM ---------- i cant be myself i dont even know who i am anymore
it seems that pansexual doesn't really fit you. you say that your really not sexually attracted to men at all. and maybe the little sexual attraction that it is there is sort of forced because you think that's who you have to be with. so you can be attracted to a mans personality. but with no actual sexual attraction, isn't that just friendship? conversely, you say your sexual attraction to women is strong and the idea of being with a women brings happiness. that's awesome and I think that's what makes you happy, going by what you wrote. so maybe there is a slight attraction to men sexually but I think you really want to be with women but because of social stigmas, you can't. I don't know what country your from but maybe what you need is to get away. take a vacation or move away for a little. maybe a month and just live life on your own terms. do what you want. be with who you want and feel the happiness that I think you'll find with women. because I think it's gunna be hard to find yourself in your current location. that's probably a lot easier said that done. but it's an option. if you want a label, from what you wrote, I'd say your very close to lesbian or bi strongly leaning towards women. I really hope this helps you. all the best anon12
