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married 'straight' woman likes girl???

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by kessiej, Nov 14, 2013.

  1. kessiej

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    Right so first off this is not about myself, it's about an older woman I like and would like to get some advice from her perspective.

    While I've been walking to work I noticed an older woman (late 30's) making eye contact with me and smiling shyly. This happened every time we saw each other without fail and I started to like her. So one day I wrote my number on a piece of paper and decided to tell her I liked her. Sure enough I saw her that morning told her I had a huge crush on her and gave her my name. She said she was surprised, told me she was married but still took my number.
    Anyway she hasn't txt or called me, but I saw her again this morning and she looked directly at me again said hi, and gave me an incredible smile, I nearly melted.

    Now I'm 26 and femme pretty, and I was just wondering if I could get some advice from any other 'straight' women out there who might be in the same position as this woman I like. I mean does she like me, is she confused, does she want me to ask her out for a coffee, or am I just wasting my time?!? I really like her and get the vibe she likes me too but is just scares.

    HELP!!! XXX
     
  2. seren67

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    So I'm at the opposite end of this spectrum - in my 30s, married and realizing that I'm a lesbian. She might be too. I think she's confused. There's this settling in feeling in your 30s that doesn't always feel comfortable - especially if you're living a lie. Seeing you is probably waking that up in her - and she is confused. Try some coffee! At the very least you may be able to help her discover who she is.
     
  3. kessiej

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    Hi, thanks for your reply. I saw her again this morning, and said to her that I was sorry if I embarrased her or made her feel uncomfortable when I declared how I felt. She was like "don't be daft" and said again that she was surprised about what I said. She also mentioned that she was sorry (what for looking amazing) and as we left she said "good luck".

    Now I can take that as she doesn't want to speak to me again, or that she couldn't think of anything else to say??? I mean I say some really stupid things when I like somebody.
    So I don't know what to do now, I'm starting to really like her and seeing her every week is just killing me!!!

    Is she just messing with my head, or is she too scared and confused about how she feels??? I wanna ask her out, but I'm thinking it's just too fast...:icon_sad:
     
  4. XBallantine

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    This may come as rather blunt and harsh but I feel I need to say this, not only because as a fellow EC member I care for other members, but also for the other lady involved.
    First, eye contact does not automatically mean that someone is attracted to you. Yes it is a big factor, but you also have to consider that people are inquisitive and you may have a warped perception based on what you want reality really to be. I stare for example at a woman who catches my bus not because I find her attractive, but because tbh, she always sits in front of me and there's no other place to look lol. In saying that, you may be very attractive but she may be just admiring that. You know, anyone can admire something nice, without having to feel sexually or romantically inclined.
    But the main point here that I want to bring up is that she is married. She has a significant other. She may even have children. The point is, it doesn't matter if you think she is confused about her sexuality, it doesnt matter if she is a lesbian or straight or not. She has explicitly stated her position as a married woman, she has said 'good luck' and by that inference you should respect that, irrespective of what sexual orientation you are. I apologise if I'm sounding harsh, but yeah I just have very strong motivations regarding these things. I sincerely hope that in some you are able to find the girl of your dreams, some other way though :slight_smile:
     
  5. kessiej

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    Hi, thanx for your reply too. Yeah that was a bit harsh although I respect your honesty and appreciate it.
    Although I do expect she is interested in me, I'm gonna have to respect the fact she is married and just let it go (even though it's gonna be really hard).
    The only thing I'm gonna find difficult now is the fact that I pass her in the street every morning, with her looking at me and smiling!!! It's not that I feel uncomfortable, I just can't handle seeing her anymore...I want to leave her alone and let her get on with her life, but I know it's gonna be near impossible not to look/smile at her when we're passing in the street.

    Still confused!!!:bang::icon_sad:
     
  6. XBallantine

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    Haha no worries. I know it is terribly hard, knowing that something you can't have is basically in front of you everyday, almost beckoning you to try your luck. But I don't know, I would think of it as weighing up the consequences, and how acting on this could affect things for you and her in the future.
    But in saying that, friendship wouldn't hurt I guess. Certainly don't ignore her, I mean smiling didn't hurt anyone haha. My, even a little chat wouldn't hurt. If I were to personally put my two cents in, I would recommend to stay clear of anything more than friendship (regarding the circumstances). But in the end its totally your call, i just recommend to weigh up the pros and cons in this. I hope I wasn't too much of a killjoy in this pursual of yours :slight_smile: good luck!
     
  7. questioning25

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    I agree with XBallantine generally, and would second that there's nothing wrong with trying to be a friend of hers (and you can still eventually ask her to coffee, say). Also, if you are, don't assume that she now has negative feelings towards you, and that it necessarily has to be awkward. If anything, hearing that you're attracted to her might have come off as really flattering. I sympathize, as I also find myself attracted to someone I know for certain is in a serious relationship, which I therefore a) don't want to ruin, but b) partly wish would end. Perhaps the best thing might be to put it on the back burner, be her friend (if possible, I think I've mostly been avoiding on my end), see other people, and at best have an eye open for the possibility, should it ever arise. Kk, will stop talking now...
     
  8. kessiej

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    Hey, thank you for all your replies. You have all shed some light into this doomy dilemma I'm in. Ahaha gosh I sound morbid. I think all your views on me leaving her alone (on a relationship level) and just being friends is the only suggestion that should come out of the situation I'm in. As I've said I really like her and would want her to be happy so if anything comes out of this it's gonna be on her part. I'm not gonna persue her or be all obsessive, she deserves the respect of being left alone (if that's what she wants).
    So tonight I'm going out...on the pull (only joking) and gonna try and have a good night. Thank you all so much xxx
     
  9. kessiej

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    I'm still thinking about her... And she still keeps looknig at me and smiling!!! ???
     
  10. Liz

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    She probably smiles at you to show you that she isn't fazed by what was quite an unexpected encounter between you (I mean, I find getting hit on in the street by strangers a bit weird, don't know about you!). She likely was flattered, thinks you're a nice person, and wants to reassure you that it's all gravy.

    As others have said, when you're infatuated with someone, it's very easy to project emotions and motivations onto the object of your desire by over-thinking their every gesture and facial expression, and you can misinterpret things.

    Don't worry too much over her; if it does turn out she's interested she will make the first move - the ball is in her park!