So today, I found out that I am definitely a a gay, demisexual. I came to this conclusion after: 1. Accessing my feelings after almost getting into a doomed relationship :eusa_doh: (a homophobic gay that includes a whole other story). 2. Almost falling into a trap of hooking up with someone, but then later wanting nothing to do with them, after realizing that all it was going to be was sex.:icon_redf:icon_redf 3. Generally being uncomfortable with the idea of someone I don't know or trust touching me. 4.Finally, seriously considering the idea of being asexual from a slightly uncomfortable situation with a friend and weighing that with what I want in a relationship. Are there any demisexuals on EC and how do you approach your relationships? What does it take for you to be sexual in a relationship or does it not matter at all? Thanks for reading! :icon_wink
I had to look up what demisexual is. I'm running with the definition of not wanting sex without a strong emotional connection. I identify with that, but I'm not going to adopt the label because I'm too old to bother with defining the box that I live in. Anyway, I very rarely allow people I don't know or trust to touch me. It may be my past, it may be my orientation. Whatever, it is me. If I don't know someone, I expect they maintain the 2 foot radius rule (I hit someone who grabbed my ass in a bar once because he thought my personal space was a challenge). I can't imagine having casual sex. Well, I can, but it is really scary. I'd literally rather have an axe murderer in my house than a tissue hookup. I guess I feel like sex in a relationship would be nice, but a relationship just for sex isn't for me. I'm in my mid-twenties and still a virgin. I've either been too sick, too busy or just not meeting enough people to cultivate a relationship where I would have sex. The "am I gay" self assessment took some time, too. I'm not asexual, though.
I'd agree with that. If you want that kind of connection in a relationship before you consider sex then I'd say that's a perfectly acceptable stance to take.
Thanks for the replies! Hi Klutz, I completely agree with the idea you brought up about relationships. I am disturbed with the idea of someone just wanting a relationship for sex and nothing more. About the no touching thing, it may be either intuition of negative intentions or heartlessness on my end. My friend wanted to cuddle with me and I had a bit of an "access denied" response. He later told me that he wouldn't mind if I accidentally started kissing him, while drunk. It's always good to here different viewpoints, because I get caught in my own world at times. :lol:
I feel similar. I think a relationship has to consist of a balance between trusting the other person, loving the other person, and having a sexual lust for the other person. I might think a person is cute or attractive, but I don't want to immediately jump into bed with them. I have had a crush on a guy for 7 years. In those 7 years, I saw him everyday for maybe 3 of those years (middle and high school). I had formed an intense emotional connection with him in all those years. If he called right now and said he loved me and wanted to come over, I would have NO hesitations. But I have known him for almost a DECADE! I probably take a month or two before I feel comfortable entertaining the idea of having sex with someone. I think sex is much more then just a physical pleasure. It is the culmination of love and trust, and I just don't take it lightly.
