Hi, My name is Richard, Im 21 Years Old. Currently confused about my sexual orientation. For sometime I thought I was straight until my father pointed out the contrary telling me that I acted very feminine, the way I walked, talked, etc. That was when I was 14, so imagine my world after being told that I was acting gay... I have to be honest and say that at first when I was becoming sexually aware, I started browsing for porn and as usual, it was straight porn, then I started being curious about what other guys looked like naked, how did gay guys have sex, you name it, then to my surprise, I found gay porn very arousing. So that's how I started Doubting. To make the long story short, I have been going back and forth feeling attracted to girls the same as boys, sometimes more to fellas but at times I feel like I could be straight. The problem is that I'm not afraid of being gay, I know my family and friends would accept it, I know I could have a relationship or almost everything as a straight man does, but still, I feel that something's not quite right, I feel like I couldn't love a man the same as I've loved women. I had a Girlfriend and we didn't have sex, not because I didn't want, contrary to that I was horny almost every day and had a lot of foreplay but she wasn't ready to make that step in our relationship, and well after almost three months we broke up. A few days a go, I got really horny and started exchanging mails with a guy until we agreed to meet each other and have some oral sex and foul around, that was the second time I had been with a man, the first one I didn't actually like it, It was unpleasant, awkward and nothing natural, and this time I thought it would be different I was ready to somewhat accept that maybe I was gay and it was ok, that somehow I had to have sex again with a guy to see that I liked it, but in reality that was not the case again this time. After having oral sex and stuff with this guy, It took me so long to have an orgasm, In my mind I was thinking when it was going to end, while he was at it I couldn't feel almost nothing physically and emotionally... so that led me to confusion again.... How could I be more aroused with my girlfriend and not with this hot guy if I was supposed to be maybe Gay!! I'm starting to think that I might be just Bisexual and the only problem I find with it, is that Bisexuality contrary to homosexuality is not that easily accepted in my family, and either to the people in general, almost everyone thinks it's just an excuse to still be with guys and not accept the fact that you're gay, but I really feel that's not the case for me, I feel like I don't really have to label myself and shouldn't have to torture myself if I think a guy or a girl is attractive or would like to sleep with either gender, then again I'm not quite happy cause I could live a normal straight life but It wouldn't be fair to repress my other sexual part every time I'm aroused by a man. So well, what do you think? am I gay, or Bi or It really doesn't matter? should I still be questioning myself? Should I still get angry every time a random person thinks I'm gay? By the way, please excuse me if it's hard to understand what I just wrote, English is my second language.:dry:
Hi: Interesting first message! One thing that you'll find here is that there are people here with varied experiences and perspectives. That's good because sometimes what people say will cause us to reconsider what we thought or how we viewed something. No saying folks are always right, but they do say things that will make you think. The interesting thing is that who we are attracted to sexually may not be who we are attracted to emotionally/romantically. Eventually I came to understand that this concept applied to me. My own list has male and female lovers. Although neither list is very long, it is better than 2:1 male:female. However, while I am comfortable with men as lovers, I never strongly desired a romantic relationship with a man. At this point, I've been a guy for almost 65 years and I understand how we think and how we view the world. From that perspective, there is little attraction for me to be in a relationship with a man. It would be too much like looking in the mirror. Anyway, I say all this to reinforce the point that physical attraction can be different from emotional/romantic attraction.
That's the case for me, sometimes I'm angry because I could be living a "normal" life, but I wouldn't be able to say out loud that I'm bi, cause I'll have even more rejection than being a gay man.
Is there a Bi man who could explain me how does it work for you the dating life after coming out? Is it difficult to get to know girls who like bi guys and not be scared by it. I'd really like to find a girl who would love me for who I am and not for who I appear to be, a girl who I could be really honest to and be able to share whatever feelings I might feel and viceversa...
To begin with, that's as good English as any It's my second language too! &about your questions...labelling oneself, for me, isn't that important. I think you should just 'go with the flow'... I haven't labelled myself and it really gets depressing sometimes because being a homosexual is one thing bt bisexuality scares me even more. You're lucky to have such an environment with such a family so take it easy and see where life takes you I guess!
One major difference I see in your experiences with guys and girls is that the girlfriend was someone you were romantically involved with, while the guys were just hookups who you were fooling around with. Personally, I probably wouldn't be very aroused in a hookup type setting myself; you're going to feel no emotional connection with this person, and that might take away a lot from the physical aspect. (Granted, lots of people obviously get very aroused during one night stands and so on, but that's not my kind of thing, and I know there are plenty of others who feel the same way). As to your latter question, there are definitely straight girls who are perfectly happy to date bi guys. I don't know what part of the world you're from, so its hard for me to say what that might be like where you live. Another alternative, if there's a strong LGBT community where you live, is dating bi women, since they probably can relate and won't judge you for your sexuality. But at least where I live there are plenty of women who don't care if a guy is bi.
so! you knew who you were until someone told you different :bang::bang::bang::bang: I can't post a facepalm but that is what I am doing. I also have a bunch of stuff on how porn is just like other media events, NOT REAL, all fake. whatever happens there does not matter. real life matters. and then you went on to say you really did not like your experience with the guys. please don't let what other people tell you about presenting as either feminine or masculine defining your orientation. now if you do tun out to be Bisexual that is fine I do not want to invalidate this in your life - but do not force it just because your father made fun of who you are. it is possible to be male feminine and straight - just be a straight metro-sexual (!)
I meant that it was until my father pointed out all of those things that I realized I was different than the other guys, and that I also felt an attraction for them (I was at my puberty so I thought it was a phase) also here in Mexico where I live, being less masculine than what you're meant to be is considered gay...(stupid, I know) I don't think that way and I'm a really artsy guy so I guess that's why my feminine side is a bit more developed, I don't know but well I have been questioning myself for a while now, at times I feel like I need to be open and talk to my family and tell them that I like men and women. One of my closest relatives is Lesbian, and she's been in a relationship for 3 years now, and sometimes I feel a little envy cause I would like to have the same as she does, even If she hasn't come out entirely to the family, she's living her life and I don't, Also the problem as I said earlier, the is not only my mannerisms, physically I have feminine features like big lips, thin eyebrows, fair skin, and sometimes when I'm walking down the street without company, I get yelled gay at me without a reason, I'm not flamboyant but I do dress nice (I see myself a bit metrosexual) I work in the fashion field, I get hit on buy guys more frequently than getting attention from girls, so the odds are really against me but I'm still trying to move forward without letting my sexual orientation lead my entire life. I'm here just to voice my feelings and feel more "normal", I really appreciate each and every reply, you guys really make me happy!!
Never could bring myself to just randomly hook up with someone for no other reason than sex. I'm not really sure if I'm bi, either, or I just have very loose boundaries when it comes to what I find arousing and willing to try. That said, if you're the sort who doesn't believe in labeling yourself one way or the other, then you shouldn't have a problem when you make your decision. The way I see it, if you're more turned on by females and can honestly see yourself living with a woman and enjoying the sex, then you're straight. It's been my experience that not every effeminate guy out there is gay, so whatever your thoughts about other guys, for all either of us knows, you just have loose boundaries, too, if you honestly get hot thinking about and/or being with women more, then you're probably straight despite how you're told you look and act. I'll leave you with this, though: whatever you think your sexual orientation is, you're right until you prove yourself wrong.
That's a great way to put it, and yeah, I think I should stop thinking of "wearing" a label and just let it be...
