So since about senior year in high school I have been questioning my sexual orientation after a long (17 years) of identifying as straight with no questioning at all. I am now a freshman in college and I have still not had any homosexual encounters. I have run into an interesting roadblock though and I am truly unsure how to proceed. Recently, I have found a girl that I felt that I had chemistry with. At first she rejected me saying that she "just wanted to be friends" after a few casual encounters. She explained that she was afraid of being committed after breaking up with her long time boyfriend a year and a half ago. About a month later she came up to me and we had a two hour long conversation about how she thinks that she is ready to try commitment again. While we were talking I was excited, nervous and happy that she would consider again (I also felt undeniable in the moment sexual attraction). The next day though I began to question myself though. I have recently come to some sort of acceptance that I have same-sex attraction (unsure about emotional attraction though). The problem though is my mind refuses to accept that I could be bisexual and heavily pushes me towards trying to accept that I am 100% gay (I have serious doubts about this though). I am afraid that if I continue to repress this side of me I will be unable to live happily in a committed relationship with anyone knowing that I have never explored this part of me, and that I may eventually break her heart (it hurts me extremely thinking that I may hurt her in this way). At the same time, I am afraid that if I miss this opportunity to date her I will miss out on a chance to explore a relationship with a girl (never dated seriously before, but have wanted to) who I could potentially see myself in a long and stable relationship. I am so confused about how to proceed and want advice from all of you about whether or not you have been in a similar situation as me.
That is kind of how I feel, I know that I am bi but I keep trying too put myself in a gay or straight box. What helps me is too try too stop thinking about it and too just not put a label on yourself and just do whatever you want without questioning it. Hope I helped in some way
Go out with her, get in a relationship. Only way u know Is experience really. So tell urself this is how u will find out, ur experience starts now. Since u never questioned ur whole life, I would venture to guess you will get in this relationship, be so into the girl and forget that u were ever confused. Because I doubt ur Confused if this suddenly popped up this late in life, ur just fooling your mind. Get in the relationship, no harm done. No one said this was gunna be the girl you are marrying either.
Thanks for the answers you two, I was hoping to get a few more responses or does everyone feel the same way spacepig and paranoidkid do?
Being bi doesn't mean you have to have experiences with both genders, and dating someone of one sex =/= "repressing" the other side of your attraction. (If indeed you are bi, and from you're statements it sounds like you're somewhere between 100% gay and straight). Anyway, if your fear is hurting this girl, the same fear will be just as likely to come up with anyone else (male or female) you try a relationship with. You'll never have the experience you need to identify your sexuality until you're willing to take that risk. It is noble of you to think of her feelings, so if you're really concerned, the best thing you could do is warn her that you're still questioning your sexuality and though you definitely feel attraction to her you feel there may be some risk involved for her. If she hears that and is willing to take that risk, then you have no excuse.
I agree with Jargon. I think if you talk with the girl and explain that you are interested in her and would like to take your relationship to the next step but wanted her to know where you're coming from. If she's interested in you, she'll probably be okay with seeing how things go.
Thanks for all of the advice everyone, the relationship ended up not even getting off the start line due it escalating way to quickly during the casual phase. I feel pretty emotionally hurt right now, so I guess all of this worrying didn't even matter.
