Asexuality: opinions?

There's hardly anything substantial on asexuality on here, so nothing to worry about.

1) Let's just say I'm bi and gray-ace.

2) I've only ever encountered out asexual people online. My experiences have been mostly positive, even though over the past few months I've developed some ideological differences with the community.

3) I'm somewhat conflicted. Obviously homo-, bi-, and panromantic and trans* aces should be included, but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the inclusion of cis heteroromantic and aromantic aces. There certainly needs to be more asexual visibility in the media, but I don't think including an otherwise cishet necessarily counts for LBGTQ visibility, especially if that character belongs to a group (e.g. middle to upper class white women) who are expected to have few to no sexual feelings anyways.

4) How exactly is sexual attraction being defined these days? I can't tell whether I experience it or not. Or, rather, I experience bits and pieces that might be sexual attraction, but it feels like something is missing no matter (though what exactly that something is varies depending on the gender of the person I may or may not be attracted to).

5) The ace community can definitely help remind the wider LBGTQ community that being queer isn't always about sex and even sexual attraction. As someone who is averse to sex, it is extremely disheartening to see things like, "if you don't have sexual feelings for a person, it's definitely not a crush" (a phrase I've seen in some form or another on this forum numerous times). The distinction between romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, etc. attraction is definitely useful in communicating this.

However, I think the ace community, or at least the parts I've interacted with, needs to be more careful with how it applies and presents this model, as it encourages "Genderbread"-style thinking about sexuality and related matters. These things aren't a series of sliders representing completely independent parts. I wish there were more time spent on exploring the variety of ways in attraction is experienced by people of all orientations rather than just slicing it into categories, which may or may not correspond to the experiences of real people.

 

The Genderbread person is a reference to this image:

Edit: Here's a link to the image, which was too large to put in the post.

It divides up gender identity, expression, biological sex, and attraction, similar to the separation of the kinds of attraction in the ace community.

My biggest problem with this approach is that it does not accurately reflect the experiences of at least some portion of the LBGTQ community. With the Genderbread person, for example, it implies that there is no relationship between gender expression and identity, but for some people, these two are so closely linked that they not only can't separate them out, but such a separation would also not be meaningful.

It's the same way with the types of attraction. For some people, attraction splits neatly along the lines of sexual, romantic, sensual, etc, but I doubt this is the case for the majority of people. I know that, in my case, I do experience several types of attraction, but none fit neatly into those categories, drawing elements haphazardly from all of them. So I can't say I'm truly sexually attracted to anyone, but I also can't say I'm not. So for me, these are not meaningful categories, and I think most allosexual people would also not find them meaningful. But there are also ace/aro spectrum people, like some wtf-romantics, who fall into this category.

tl;dr The separation of attraction model is meaningful for some people but not for others. Unfortunately it feels like even a lot of the higher-level dialogue (i.e. not "101," intended for people who know nothing about sexuality and asexuality) fails to take this into account.

 

Haha tetra gave me an erection. ^.^

Some people feel a need for emotional cuddlies, which can be very different from sexual satisfaction. I love cuddles. I love hugging and embracing etc. But I don't feel the same way about sex. Sometimes I feel like having sex, but that's a much more rare feeling than just wanting cuddles.

Although I sometimes feel the physical attraction for actual sex, I don't feel that it will satisfy me emotionally, even if it's with someone I love. Maybe it's because I'm insecure about my ability to satisfy the other person, physically.

I recently discovered that I really like cuddling with guys (but only cute effiminate guys). I like to fantazise about cuddling with them and kissing them, but not having sex with them. I feel a strong leaning towards celibacy. I think I could be satisfied with a very cuddly, touchy-feely realtionship with a guy or a girl, and no sex.

 

Oh, I love questions like this. Here are my answers!

1) I am heterosexual. Although, because I have a conflicted gender identify (I am gender fluid), this is somewhat of an odd statement for me. A better statement would be for me to say I am sexually attracted to females.
2) I've only met one asexual individual in person. I rarely interacted with her directly. She was the sister of a friend and I didn't see her much. I was curious about her, but I never did get the chance to ask her some questions.
3) I feel that the LGBT community is in a lot of ways the banning together of every person whom may be treated unfairly because of their sexuality or gender identity. The name means to me, different but human, and so I feel asexual people fit right in.
4) Where can I sign up? Just kidding. I suppose one the first questions that usually come to mind is, “How do you perceive others? If you don't find much appeal in sex, does it amaze you that so many other people seem almost obsessed with it?” Of course, even I am amazed by it sometimes.
5) I'm not entirely sure how to answer this question. Up until now, I always (perhaps incorrectly) viewed the asexual community and the LGBT as one in the same, or at least very closely related. As stated in #3, I think we're all coming together for a similar reason—to know that we're not alone out there and to discover the truth about our feelings.

I hope I provided some valuable insight!

 

1) If you feel comfortable, state your own orientation or identity.

Cis-Lesbian.

2) What types of experiences have you had with asexual people (I.e. do you know any in real life, have you encountered asexual people on forums, etc.?). Was this a positive or negative experience (or neutral)?

Just have seen them on dating sites. Almost watched a documentary on asexuality...plan on actually watching it soon

3) What are your feelings about inclusion of asexuality in the LGBT community? I suppose I would mainly be asking about including references in literature for the purposes of visibility, not really legislative actions.

In the LGBT community where I'm from asexuals are placed under the umbrella. There is literature as well as meetings for asexuals. Although, I must admit that it is much less than for gays and trans

4) What are some questions you might have about asexuality?

Is it just the act that is a no-no or is it also just viewing scenes in movies etc. really unappealing

5) If you are comfortable making a few generalizations about the asexual community as a whole, what are some things that you think the asexual community has to offer the LGBT community? What are some things you think the asexual community might do differently?

You add more flavor to our beautiful rainbow. You introduce the idea more firmly that people have different levels of sexual activity ranging from none to a whole lot. The asexual community would obviously talk less about sex probably

 

1) Bi

2) My girlfriend is an ace, one of my friend's mothers is demisexual.

3) I think asexuals are really neglected in the community, I have some LGBT friends who think that there doesn't need to be awareness because it doesn't matter if someone is asexual because they aren't involved in the civil rights movement.

4) I've had all of my current questions answered.

5) There are so many different ways of identifying oneself as asexual that making a generalization about the entire community is nearly impossible. The ace community is incredibly brave, they have that to offer the LGBT community. Keep going with asexual awareness week, the more visibility the better.

 

Yeah I get it. Like everyone else, you have something you love, so it's not as if you don't know what it's like. When it comes to someone else's interest or passion, if it's greatly different from yours than of course it might be hard for you to see what they see in it; just like it's hard for them to see what you see in riding motorcycles. It's a natural result of two different people encountering each other.

I think it takes a certain kind of person to say "it's what makes us HUMAN!" They have to feel very passionate about it and feel that it is a fundamental thing because they love it, others around them love it, etc. Personally, I don't think our pleasures is what makes us human--at least not by its self. It's indeed a little over dramatic to be saying that. So, perhaps you've figured this out but, it's not the thing that's so great that makes them say that, it's just them that see it as so great.

That childhood example makes it easier for me to understand. In fact, I could go as far as to say that I'm almost the same as you in not thinking about other people having sex, because I've never experienced it myself; It's hard to imagine something you haven't experienced, right? Same as something you don't hold in much importance.

Thanks for the reply!

 

1. Pansexual/possibly asexual

2. One irl, one online. They didn't know it at the time but they helped me understand myself better...

3. I definitely think asexuality should be talked about more to help people like myself who are on the borderline and hella confused!!

4. An open minded asexuals definition of asexuality?? How people teetering on the edge or on and off fit into that??

5. I think asexuals are generally reluctant to speak up, because it soooooo intrinsically goes against human nature- to make sex and make babies... Even if not religious, EVERYONE likes sex.... So society dictates. I don't. I never have. I have conformed and responded in a way society approves of. No more. Hence I need YOUR guidance and opinions too!! This is new to me, accepting asexuality.