I am SO completely torn. Thought I was bisexual since I was about 10, realised I'm pansexual at 16. Have had a lot of problems with gender. I don't necessarily feel like male or female, or if I do it changes often. Is that gender fluid?? I've never been overly interested in sex but recently (the last two years, probably) I'm becoming less and less interested to the point where now, no matter how incredibly attractive I find a person, or how much I love them, I have NO interest whatsoever. I still become aroused from time to time and have no trouble DIY, but even my AFFECTION towards others is becoming less and less. I'm 26 now and I thought this would get easier but I only grow more confused and complicated with every passing year. :bang: Help? Advice? Thoughts? All welcome and appreciated :help:
That is, I think, almost the definition of gender fluid. As for the rest, at what point do you sit there and realise 'hang on, I don't like this person anywhere NEAR as much as I did a few weeks ago'? What makes you realise it? Is it a sudden thing or do a constant drag?
It's not that I don't like them, I love them, but my interest in sex and affection in general has been waning over the past 2-5 years, getting to the point in the last few years where I just feel minimal, if any, sexual or affectionate feelings/urges. I usually talk myself into it and fake affection when I have to, have sex occasionally, but it basically just feels like I'm going through the motions to satisfy what they want/expect/is expected by society.
Not everyone has to like sex. Have you considered that you're just someone who doesn't have that much interest in it, and that's fine? I would gladly trade you, actually. I have an strong interest in sex but I've never been able to try it with anyone. I'd rather just not be interested at all and go about my life content and free. Why not just stay true to your feelings and turn people down when you feel like it? You don't have to force yourself to please anyone. And who knows? Maybe the moment you decide it isn't something you HAVE to do will be the moment you discover it is something you WANT to do. ...or not. You could find out that you are in fact asexual. I'm just trying to say, that's not a bad thing. The only way you're gonna work this out is to listen to your feelings and not other peoples feelings. Do something for yourself and find out what your thoughts are calling for.
Tonight I spoke to my boyfriend about my lack of affection/sexuality. That felt good. I sugar coated it slightly but I vented at least. In terms of asexuality, do you still enjoy "getting off"? Because I still have sexual desire but it is purely aimed at relief rather than a person. Also I'm on lithium and I'm not sure if sex drive can be affected. ALSO, you might be able to give me a definition of genderfluid?? It never really felt like or wanted to be a girl but as masculine as I act at times I never want to commit to that either... I just kind of flip back and forth but never really DEFINITE.
I'm glad you were able to speak to him and vent a little! I masturbate sometimes when I feel the need and while it does feel good to release I am not particularly fond of doing it. Did you check the list of side effects on this lithium? Sometimes reduced sex drive can be a side effect for some medications. Sure! Gender fluidity, as I understand it, basically refers to a more flexible range of gender expression. People who are gender fluid may have interests and behaviors that can change from day to day. We don't feel "confined by restrictive boundaries of stereotypical expectations of girls or boys." For me personally, I've never liked being called manly or handsome. I don't really fall into any regular male roles. Additionally, I've always felt very feminine and sometimes I wish I was born as a female. That said, I don't hate my body and sometimes I actually enjoy aspects about being a guy. This is why I decided that I am gender fluid.
Thank you so much!! That has really helped reinforce my understanding of the term. On antidepressants I still had limited sex drive but almost no ability to climax, on lithium it's the opposite. My desire has disappeared. And even when I am doing myself... I have to focus on the feeling rather than the action. If I think about my own hand, I lose it and stop. I find people sexually attractive but honestly, after 12 years of hetero sex, I feel now like I'd be happy to never have another cock in me EVER. 80% of those I have tolerated because it is so I ally acceptable... But now I care about me. I don't want this. I don't HAVE to let this happen to me... Ugh.
Good! Caring about yourself is important. After all, the main reason people have sex is for themselves. If it's not for you then who is it for? (other than your partner). You deserve to make the choice. Whether you just need a break from it for awhile or you never want to have it again. I think I read this question wrong in my last reply or I just skipped over it entirely. You'll definitely have to ask another asexual about that, because I'm not sure.
